MIL issues

prncsz

Ladies I have been having a time with my MIL since we have been married. Yes this is the same woman that I stayed with for a little over 6 months after DH's father was in his car accident. From the day we got back from our honeymoon it's been one thing after the other with her. She has gone off on me and cursed at me.

I told DH about these incidents and he originally thought I was just overreacting and was saying we have to learn how to get along , also that we have to be patient with her, and I told him it is not me but his mom. Since that happened I had not been back to her house or spoken to her. Well today comes and I cooked dinner he asked me if I would take his mom some food as kind of a peace offering.  I call before I go and I am glad I did.

I call her and I am nice on the phone. She answers and I say hey how are you doing her response "Good", I ask has she eaten, she say "Yes", very cold and to the point so I could tell she did not want to talk to me so I said well ok I was just checking on you she said ok bye. I texted DH and told him and he just said he couldn't believe she is acting this way, but that he would talk to her.

Not really sure what to do but I am praying on the situation. She is a very mean and bitter woman and has been according to DH and some of his family members since she was diagnoised with MS 10 years ago, but that does not excuse her to treat people any kind of way. Just some background she goes off on DH often, cursing, etc and his dad. She would kind of control it or tame it when I was staying there because she needed my help.I personally don't think she cared for me from the beginning but tolerated me the months leading up to the wedding because she needed me.  
Just needed to vent.

tyboyd

My suggestion would be for you to keep her in your prayers. I will, too!

djscat

Oh honey I am sorry you are going through this.  As we all know it never a good idea to come between a black man and his mama.  It is so hard to deal with people who are in pain or dealing with a health issue (MS).  I say steer clear of the whole situation until DH addresses it with her.   Talk to your hubby and let him know that you don't want to disrespect his mother.  Since he knows her best you can also ask him how you should handle the situation.  I will be praying for you and your new family.  Sending you ((HUGS))

PB-Bride2010

OMG....This really sadness me, because I've always thought you'll had a wonderful relationship. I will definitely keep you'll in my prayers. BTW: Is she living at home alone now? If so maybe she blaming you for her loneliness which is totally wrong and hopefully your DH will have a talk with her soon!

ejagers

WOW!  So sorry to hear this.  I agree with pp.  I would let your husband talk to her and just keep her in your prayers. 

Ksk2012

Wow. That really is too bad. You seem like a wonderful person and I cannot believe anyone would feel that way. BUT.. as someone said she may have some resentment towards you because now you are married ( and taking away) to her son. Although it isnt true.  My mom has been telling me to choose three things to pray for each day, no matter what. The same three things for a period of time. Maybe you should do that with your MIL, each day say a prayer for peace and a softened heart and positive attitude towards you. Also pray that the Lord will reveal how you should work with and interact with her to better your relationship.

Good luck!

lashun1987

Wow.. Girly I'm praying for you and me.

chescam

I am sooo sorry that you are going through this. I know that people who have MS can be quite emotional and quite difficult to be around. I agree that it does not warrant her negative attitude towards you and cursing you out but her behaviour may be amplified because her son is now married. 

My MIL and I had a good relationship but for the past few weeks she has been acting so weird. We finally sat down with her and found out what all of her recent outbursts were about. She felt that she was losing her son to me. She said that things have changed and we're not around much anymore. So she feels neglected. We never intended for her to feel this way but we've both been so busy lately. I think that her son getting married and leaving is the root of the problem and she's harboring feelings of resentment towards you. MS may play a major role in her behaviour towards you and other family members and family counseling may help. Her anger and her being mean may be something that she doesn't have much control over especially if she's had MS for long.  Again I'm so sorry that you're going through this. 

lcroster

Sorry to hear about your issues.  As the other stated before just pray about them and i'm sure thing will work out.

prncsz

Thanks ladies, yes she is living alone now. The week that we were gone on our honeymoon she lived alone. When we came back we stayed at our home for 3 days and then spent a week at her house during that time she tried to compete with me for DH's attention to the point were I was sleeping in another room and he slept in the living room to stay near her. The first night we stayed there I forgot my toothbrush at the house so DH picked it up on his way in, he came in the house went straight to her room for maybe 30 mins came in the door where I was sleeping to bring me my toothbrush before he even put it down she called him and I didn't see him again until the next morning. 

She was always fine when I was there no problems or complaints but when DH came in she was almost dying. This was the week were she went off on me the first time since we have been married. So I told DH I was going to start staying at home, because I'm not use to this type of behavior. My mom always had a pretty stable mood and never went off on me to the point where she is cursing at me and calling me MF and all of this stuff. His mom on the other hand has done this on multiple occasions to him and was beginning to do it to me. The first incident she apologized and during incidents prior to our being married and me staying there to help her she would do so. But now no apologzing.

Like you ladies mentioned I think it is a combination of things. One of course her thinking I have taken him away, her living home alone now (which really she was fine to live alone before but wanted me there for company and transportation to wherever she felt like going. Prior to my leaving she had started to use his uncle for the transportation.) The entire week we stayed with her she went off on DH and kept saying I don't need ya'll help etc.

I told DH that I would never try to come between them and that he is free to visit his mom check on her or stay the night if she needs it but I will keep my distance for awhile. Everytime I have tried to smooth things over with her she has been rude and nasty to me. Yesterday was actually the moment where DH realized ok it's definitely her and that he has got to put a stop to her behavior. Her family members and friends have told me that she was this way prior to MS but since then it has amplified.

@Ty-From the moment we have gotten back from our honeymoon and the first incident I have been praying and will continue to do so.

M1ssJ

You are doing the right thing in lifting her in your prayers. Unfortunatley loneliness can cause so many emotional issues