Open Letter Tuesday

niq24601

Sarack started this last week and I thought it was a blast. I'll start.

Dear Surveyors.

Really? You have to put your equipment in the middle of a 4-way intersection? During rush hour? With no one out there to direct traffic? Really?

Yours,
Why didn't I take the bus today



Dear Don Wakamatsu & Jack Z,

We all know that Casey Kotchman's sudden power surge is a fluke and he's going to be hitting 6th or 7th soon, right? And why didn't we re-sign Russ Branyan for peanuts? Nostalgia fetish for Ken Griffey, Jr.? Sigh.

Sincerely,
Almost jazzed Mariners fan.

Tygirljojo

Dear person running for US Senate,

If you want to claim you're an innovator, not a politician, you should NOT associate yourself with one of the major political parties.  Just a thought.

Sincerely,

Voter


Dear neighbors with the animals,

I hope you enjoyed your louder-than-legally-allowed music you had blaring for your party Saturday night.  Animal control likely has our signed petition letter by now.  The city manager shall have it shortly as well.

Yours,

Neighborly neighbor



Dear tummy,

I will strike a bargain with you.  I will avoid fried foods, caffiene, and drink tons of water if  you will allow me to move my belt in another notch.

Sincerely,

The rest of you

KST_

ditto, I found this FUN!

Dear Seattle Mariners Fans,
I'm sorry but the only way to express my annoyance and disgust is to be crass. Really, WHY does everyone feel the need to suck Ken Griffey, Jr's rooster? I wasn't that fond of him half the time he was here the first time around with his little prima donna whining. Not that I like bobbleheads, but 6 for the season and THREE are Junior!?

Sincerely,
Feeling like the only Mariner vegetarian :P


Dear Housing Market,
I've been grieving now for 2 weeks after our house sale fell through. One week to find THE house and get in contract to qualify for the tax credit? Not gonna happen and now I'm really sad. Just put OUR house out there with a big sign on it "For KT and JA" already!!

Sincerely,
Wanna be Housewife of King County


Dear Wedding,
I'm trying to hold it all together but daaamn if I keep getting overwhelmed! Now my mom is only planning on coming UP on Friday and I thought I'd have her help ALL day Thursday and Friday!!
Sincerely,
Frazzled Fiancee

whatchamahu

Dear Headache,

Please feel free to leave at anytime. I think that six days is long enouigh, I promise not to miss you, I'm sure you will be back soon enough.

Sincerely,
The left side of my head


Dear Random Cat,

I have enjoyed you nightly visits on our deck for the past week. Please don't feel that you are a part of our family now though, we already have two kitties and I can't handle anymore, there just isn't any room left on the bed. If you need me to call someone to come and pick you up please let me know.

Deepest Regrets,
Mommy of Two Fur Babies

Tygirljojo

Watchamahu - where are you located?  Eastside areaish?  Does kitty have a collar?

whatchamahu

Brier, near Lynnwood. No collar, but nice (let me pet him), I gave him some food and water last night. If he is still around when FI gets home on Wednesday I will call a no kill shelter. I just can't catch him with my cast on so there isn't much I can do.

melissa82

Dear excess weight,

Please fall off my body.

Sincerely,
Tubby Mctuberson

alyssa324

I didnt do this last week does sound fun

Dear mind and body,

I know you have had a rough couple weeks but I really need you to stop aching and kick it into gear. There is a wedding coming up that is very important to you. In order for everything to go right  you really need to get busy.  Also the house you live in needs some much needed attention.

Love,
the small ounce of ambition left

To whom it may concern,

you are only a sperm donor, not a father. How dare you talk to me that way. And what a mouse you are to wait until travis leaves for you to act so ridiculous.

from
repeatedly disappointed

Dearest Sun

I need you. You always make me feel so much better. I was soo happy to see you on sunday. All day we gardened, laid in the grass and basked in your glory. Why did you have to go? Please come back soon.

with much love,
snow white skin

Tygirljojo

Whatchamahu - that's good.  If you can't find one in Lynnwood, MEOW cat rescue in Kirkland is a really good one.  I've brought a kitten there and FI and I adopted our youngest cat from there a few years ago.

whatchamahu

Okay, thanks. We don't have an animal control because our city is too small, so I would have to take him somewhere. I sure miss animal control when it comes to all the crazy racoons that invaid our yard (our neighbor thinks they are cute and feeds them).

dawnies79

Dear biological clock,
Please stop ticking! I get it! I get it! There is 6 months to a year before you can be stopped so just chill already. We can't afford you! Oh and I'd like to think about something else for a change please.
Sincerely,
D & S's Wallet

Dear Boss,
I respectfully request that you learn how to communicate. Despite what you might believe I cannot read your mind. If I could, I would have put that on my resume under "skills". I cannot predict when you want to change my schedule and have me come in earlier....and no I am NEVER late. In fact I'm 15-20 minutes early every day.
Thank you,
your timely, dedicated employee

Dear Sibling,
I would like to inform you the world does not revolve around you.
That's all.
Thank you,
Your younger, and apparently less important sister

kinmir30

Dear job interviewers,

I am extremely desperate for a job. Therefore, I would really appreciate it if you would just decide that you absolutely love me and that there is no one better. This is just getting old.

Sincerely,
desperate job hunter


Dear Self,

I would really appreciate it if you would hurry up and write your grad school app essays. You need to understand that they will not write themselves and no one is going to do it for you. Just suck it up and do it already. You are driving me nuts.

Sincerely,
antsy student


Dear Self again,

You need to realize that if you don't get your butt off the couch and off the knot that you will not lose any weight. You need to get up, put your gym clothes on and go work out! It's really not that hard. I know that you have fallen off the wagon for a bit here, but just get back on. not that hard. Because haven't been working out and eating healthy, I have been feeling sicky and icky. Just do it!

Sincerely,
Your sick body

jennyann28

Dear Wedding Officiants,
Please stop going on vacation the last week of July.  And to the rest of you, please respond to your emails/phone calls, AND be available for my personal use.
Thank you,
Bride at the end of her rope

Dear Potential DJ,
Please don't turn out to be creepy or expensive at our meeting tomorrow.  I'd really like to book you.
Signed,
Silent Wedding

Dear Fiance,
Thank you for buying a giant tub of rice pudding for me.  I know that you don't like it, so that was awfully sweet of you to think of me.  My thunder-thighs do not thank you.  Nevertheless, it was a nice surprise to find while you were gone last night.
With Love,
Your Hefty Fiancee

dawnies79

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_washington-seattle_open-letter-tuesday-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:104Discussion:224e61c2-9114-4a2d-ad30-d25ffdd26b96Post:cd058d57-381e-4244-b762-7cb5513b2e89">Re: Open Letter Tuesday</a>:
[QUOTE]With Love, Your Hefty Fiancee
Posted by jennyann28[/QUOTE]
This totally made me laugh. I was not expecting it. I was eating lunch and almost spit out some food. I think it was your use of the word "hefty". It's a funny word. <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-tongue-out.gif" border="0" alt="Tongue out" title="Tongue out" />

KST_

I laughed at that too

sarack

Dear family.. everyone's included,

         Please let us get to a final count by tomorrow. We are really stressing over it and would like the number to stop inflating.

Sincerely,

S&C.. mostly s's sanity

Stress,

       Go away. I'm sick of you. You are p!ssing me off.

Truly yours,
stressed out

Dear Wedding dress,

        Please fit the way I want you to this weekend. I really don't want to get you altered that much and I even got really tall shoes so we wouldn't have to cut you too much... also, make sure to make my waist look extra tiny. k? thanks!

Love,
me

Dear weight,

        You are not my enemy so don't act like it. I've had a lot of you forever and I love myself.. but I'd like to lose atleast 20lbs of you. You'll find a better home. I can think of a few skinny b!tches that could use you.

Almost happy,
hopefully 20lbs less by July 31.

dreamwinds

Haha. That last one was great, sarack.


Dear Tuesday,

Please end soon. You are dragging like a mf.

Love,

Desperately Bored at Work

MacPanda

Sarack, this was such a good idea.

Dear creepy neighbor,
Please leave me alone.  You're making it hard to get things done outside of the house and scaring me.  I don't want to talk to you every night when I get home.  Please mind your own business or find someone else to harass.
~ Hides under the covers

Dear older lady at WW,
Please stop talking about how you have a hard time eating all your points or how awful your addiction to carrots is.  I am not here because I love carrots too much.  
~ Potato chip addict

Dear puppy,
You're almost 3 now and you need to shape up.  Why do you have to attack the television everytime something furry comes on?  Please don't embarass me when we're at FIL's this weekend - and be nice to their kitty.
~Beet red bride   

trishaselby

Dear owners of new construction home we want,
Please be legitimate people who are nice and want to help us lease to own our own house. I don't think we can handle much more if this doesn't work out smoothly.
Thanks,
Tried of my overly obnoxious and smelly apartment neighbors

Dear Fiance,
I hope you can survive the last month in a half before we move and you start your job as an engineer.Please remember it's not my fault. I hope the wedding stops stressing you out as well as the house hunting.
Love,
your helpful-loving fiance

jennyann28

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_washington-seattle_open-letter-tuesday-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:104Discussion:224e61c2-9114-4a2d-ad30-d25ffdd26b96Post:0768df2d-f154-45f6-8e14-c70623ab5908">Re: Open Letter Tuesday</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Open Letter Tuesday : This totally made me laugh. I was not expecting it. I was eating lunch and almost spit out some food. I think it was your use of the word "hefty". It's a funny word.
Posted by dawnies79[/QUOTE]

<div>Glad I could add some humor to your day!</div><div>
</div><div>I have more letters:</div><div>
</div><div>Dear Creepy-Neighbor's Friend,</div><div>Please don't park your BMW in the middle of our one lane street.  If you need to leave Fred Meyer bags for Creepy Neighbor on his doorstep, pull into his driveway first.  If you MUST leave your car in the street, why don't you try shutting your driver-side door?  I might just be able to get to my driveway then.  In fact, you only have to close it when you see me coming, instead of leaving it wide open and making two more trips with the Fred Meyer bags, even though you can see that I am waiting to pass.</div><div>Thanks for nothing,</div><div>Pissed off resident of poorly planned housing development.</div><div>
</div><div>
</div><div>Dear USPS worker,</div><div>Don't tell me to print the addresses to my wedding envelopes black.  I know that colors are ok, so please just tell me who I need to talk to to find out for sure if I can use my green.  I am not interested in "playing it safe & just going with black".  Black is NOT one of my wedding colors!</div><div>Sincerely,</div><div>Bridezilla</div>

BrandyL10

MacPanda, lol! That lady sounds like she shouldn't be allowed in!

Alo822

Dear Wedding Guests,

Please send back your RSVP cards. I love getting those little purple envelopes in the mail! And people in the wedding party/FI's immediate family-- the envelope is pre-addressed and pre-stamped. Yes, you've already bought plane tickets, so I "know" you're coming. But you still need to send the card back. So I don't go insane. Or get my feelings hurt. 

Sincerely, 

The Mailbox Stalker

Dear Body,

I've eaten well. I've drank lots of water. I've counted my calories. I've even done a few workouts. Now it's your turn-- drop some weight already!

Yours truly,

Bride Who Needs to Lose 3 lbs In the Next 6 Weeks So Her Dress Fits Better

Dear work,

I hate working night shift. It's been so nice to work during the daytime the last few months. Must I really go back to working nights next week? Really? Right before the wedding, when I'm already totally stressed out? 

Love,

Sleep-Deprived, Nearly Burned Out Nurse

Ciaram22

Dear Food Production Companies

Why do so many of the foods and beverages I enjoy have coconut oil or some coconut byproduct in them. You are making my body upset as I can't eat some of my favorite foods anymore due to being allergic to coconut.

Thanks
Angry consumer

cupcakepirate

Haha. Excellent, except I already started this on FB. But here goes:


Dear Brides, Grooms, MOBs, MOGs and family of the betrothed (or travelers in general),

When calling a hotel to inquire about room blocks, negotiated rates, and/or making a reservation within a room block, please don't be a snarky b!tch to the person that answers the phone. Furthermore, don't continue to prove yourself to be a douche when we inform you that you will need to be transferred to the person in charge of such tasks. Front Desk Agents are not authorized to negotiate with you and you would be better served by someone in our sales department that can answer all of your questions and provide you with necessary information to suit your needs. Whilst we at the hotel know and understand that your wedding day is one of the most important days in your life thus far, you must also understand you are not the only person in the hotel. Unless you're in a full service hotel with a sales team, room service, valet, laundry, restaurant and 24 hour housekeeping, we can not and will not be able to cater to your every whim.

Also please do not belittle us and quote from your contract and babble on about every clause in it after you've been told that you will need to be transferred to the appropriate booking party, especially after you've been told that I do not have access to the information and services you seek . Treating us like we're incompetent makes YOU look like a tool, and furthermore, makes us hate you. (And makes us want to find nasty little ways of nickel and diming you for wasting our time and making us feel inferior because management hasn't deemed us with certain responsiblities.) You deserve excellent service, but once you act like a douche nozzle, all desire to even be nice to you goes out the window, and that excellent service tends to go with it.

Additionally, please don't pretend you know how to do my job, or that it's easy. There are so many more complex things we have to do that you wouldn't understand unless you were in the industry. I don't pretend to know how to do your job (unless I've done it before), so please, don't tell me I do nothing but stand behind a desk all day.

Yours, most sincerely,
The disgruntled overworked and underpaid front desk agent.

cupcakepirate

Sorry I'm so wordy all the time.