African American Weddings

when to count someone out

i explained last night on shano's post about her bridemaid my problem.

I have 2 bridemaids...both were friends with each other before i met them. Anyway, ive asked them to be in the wedding, picked out the dresses and nothing.

I have a feeling they are going to bail on me and lemme tell you why....

the one isnt the greatest with her money and hasnt started saving at ALL. she keeps making comments to me on how expensive the airfare is (Well duh...gas is $4.00). I think she is grossly underestimating how much this trip is going to cost.

Ive been telling them since july that the BM dresses have to be ordered by october and havent heard a word about it since. I sent them both a text last week letting them know the dresses must be ordered by 10/15. i gave the the price, color, style number and told the that davids does lay a way and i have a $20 off coupon for them so the dress will end up only costing $80.

Now i know my one friend, she waits all year for tax time, and buying your dress at tax time will be wayyyyyy to late. it wont be here in time.

I told FI if they dont buy the dresses by the deadline, oct 15. im not going to say anything else about it to them. im not going to hound them about buying them or anything because frankly i could care less if they come or not, i just wanna get married.

When can i officially count them out? I am putting a lot of stuff on hold to wait and see if they buy them by the deadline. I am very organized and like to have my numbers all together and waiting to see is really messing me up. Do i count them out as of oct 15 if the dresses arent bought or do I wait until like january? If I do count them out, do I even say anything or leave it alone until one of them brings it up to me? itll be awkward to say to them when they bring it up "oh i just assumed you didnt want to do it because you never ordered your dress, and ive moved along in the planning process"

My MOH is holding out on buying her dress to see if they buy theres. If they dont, shes just going to buy the dress she originally wanted.

blah what do to? oh, did i tell you i never got responses from either of them from the text? I had to ask the one if she even got it, she was like "oh yeah i got it...yeah thats fine...."

Re: when to count someone out

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_when-to-count-someone-out?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:c5bb2e36-705c-417f-9715-152eb1b750a8Post:a1895cad-9034-4adc-ad88-eaf742d1079d">when to count someone out</a>:
    [QUOTE]i explained last night on shano's post about her bridemaid my problem. I have 2 bridemaids...both were friends with each other before i met them. Anyway, ive asked them to be in the wedding, picked out the dresses and nothing. I have a feeling they are going to bail on me and lemme tell you why.... the one isnt the greatest with her money and hasnt started saving at ALL. she keeps making comments to me on how expensive the airfare is (Well duh...gas is $4.00). I think she is grossly underestimating how much this trip is going to cost. Ive been telling them since july that the BM dresses have to be ordered by october and havent heard a word about it since. I sent them both a text last week letting them know the dresses must be ordered by 10/15. i gave the the price, color, style number and told the that davids does lay a way and i have a $20 off coupon for them so the dress will end up only costing $80. Now i know my one friend, she waits all year for tax time, and buying your dress at tax time will be wayyyyyy to late. it wont be here in time. I told FI if they dont buy the dresses by the deadline, oct 15. im not going to say anything else about it to them. im not going to hound them about buying them or anything because frankly i could care less if they come or not, i just wanna get married. When can i officially count them out? I am putting a lot of stuff on hold to wait and see if they buy them by the deadline. I am very organized and like to have my numbers all together and waiting to see is really messing me up. Do i count them out as of oct 15 if the dresses arent bought or do I wait until like january? If I do count them out, do I even say anything or leave it alone until one of them brings it up to me? itll be awkward to say to them when they bring it up "oh i just assumed you didnt want to do it because you never ordered your dress, and ive moved along in the planning process" My MOH is holding out on buying her dress to see if they buy theres. If they dont, shes just going to buy the dress she originally wanted. blah what do to? oh, did i tell you i never got responses from either of them from the text? I had to ask the one if she even got it, she was like "oh yeah i got it...yeah thats fine...."
    Posted by soontobehasrouni[/QUOTE]

    What is the latest David's said the dresses have to be ordered by for them to be back? We ordered my BM dresses in June and they came back last week but we ordered out of state from pearls Place. I would say find out the absolute latest that DB says and if nothing has been done by then, then I would count it out. I wouldn't tell them the latest date though.
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  • the dress is made to order and takes 12 weeks, and they said allow about 4 weeks for alterations. She said to order no later than december just in case there are any sizing issues and that doesnt include time for alterations...so really, they shouldnt be ordered no later than november.


    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_when-to-count-someone-out?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:400Discussion:c5bb2e36-705c-417f-9715-152eb1b750a8Post:790d6f65-997a-4a3c-b13e-3b76cf982047">Re: when to count someone out</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to when to count someone out : What is the latest David's said the dresses have to be ordered by for them to be back? We ordered my BM dresses in June and they came back last week but we ordered out of state from pearls Place. I would say find out the absolute latest that DB says and if nothing has been done by then, then I would count it out. I wouldn't tell them the latest date though.
    Posted by MrsSmith2Be02[/QUOTE]
  • give them till  December, see if that works for them oct is right around the corner!
  • I would say something the week of Oct. 15 and would even ask them if they still want to stand by my side or just attend as a guest. I would even tell them to be upfront with me and tell me if it is something they can do. If no response from them I by your deadline I would just chuck up the duces and move on. Dont stress them out by stressing yourself out. Some ppl have a hard time saying they dont want to do something and just rather you do it for them. I have a cousin who was going to get married and because she knew I was in the mist of planning my wedding she asked for my help..i said cool no problem then it went from being a BM to a MOH..i couldnt find a way to say no keep in my mind we're not close at all..in the end luckily but not so she called off the wedding. So just ask to be sure and just let it go after Oct 15
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  • I had to do the same thing when it came down to deciding if my BM should be in the wedding party or just a guest. Really it only puts more stress on you to have to keep chasing after them. One of mines kept telling me the whole week of the DEADLINE week that she was absolutely going to go then at the last min said she didn't think any of the dresses would look right on her. I agree with PP mention it again during the week of the 15th & if you get no response, well you tired.
  • if i dont hear anything by the 15th, ill just tell her that she can be a host or something and not worry about getting the dress and doing all that. i dont wanna make her feel bad and i dont want her to think im mad or dont care. that way if/when she says she cant make the wedding all together she wont feel so bad


    I feel kinda silly for asking someone who i KNOW has a bad financial situation to be in my wedding. i made it as cheap as possible considering there is travel involved (just buy the dress and i even have been working to find them an affordable package deal). but my FI made a good point that kinda irritated me... you say you wanna be in someones wedding soooo bad, but then you dont get done what you need to get done to be in the wedding, but go out and kick it at concerts and stuff every other weekend and go out damn near every night.

    now I feel dumb! But its just that I couldnt really think of any other women I would want to stand up there with me.
  • Well one thing I had to realize quick fast and in a hurry is this " No one is as excited about your wedding as you are"

    No one.

    I say call them over. Set a deadline. Stick to it. Do it in person. Let them know if they if they dont stick to it, no love lost, but they will not be in the BP. End of story

    I asked a close friend since kindergarten to be in the wedding knowing she would do the same thing your less financially stable friend is doing and she cut herself by the deadline. I asked her to be a host because she kept saying she felt bad. guess who missed that deadline too?

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  • i dont even know what a host is or does haha
  • LOL. Girly its something made up! They hand out programs. Assist ppl with finding their escort cards. Tell ppl where to sit. etc
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