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HEARTBROKEN!!!! ADVICE PLEASE!!!!

vanna0092vanna0092
100 Comments
in African American Weddings

My mother has alzheimer's, and I want her at my wedding and have made plans for her to attend, ( I hired a nurse). My father and some siblings have said I shoouldn't  try to have my mom at the wedding but my GOD she my mother I couldn't think of her not being there even though she don't know who I am are what is going on. It's not like I can light a candle for her she not deceased.   The thought of her not being there totally breaks my heart.  However, today when I visited her at the nursing home I sorta loss hope.   

Am I  being selfish for wanting her present at my wedding and what would you do ????/

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Re: HEARTBROKEN!!!! ADVICE PLEASE!!!!

  • island07b2bisland07b2b member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 100 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    By no means are you being selfish.  I am so sorry you have to deal with this.  As far as her attending the wedding, have you talked to her doctors to see what they advise about it?  Sometimes, we have to make the hard decision and do what is best for our loved ones and not what we want.  If there is no pressing reason why she shouldn't attend and you have hired a nurse, I don't see why you shouldn't have her there. 

    Why are your father and siblings saying not to have her there? 



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  • mahoganieyesmahoganieyes
    Ninth Anniversary 2500 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    I agree with Island. Very sorry to hear about your mother's dx. My grandmother had alzheimers and it hurt me to see such a wonderful woman reduced in spirit to loss of memory. If she was alive today and had no major health issues; I would surely want her there.


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  • M1ssJM1ssJ member
    2500 Comments Fourth Anniversary 100 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    My prayers are with you in this difficult decision. I agree with asking the doctors first but..... if you want her there I would hire the nurse and have her there for at least the ceremony and you getting ready. Having her there and in those pictures will mean a lot reflecting on the day. The reception may be too much for her but talk to her doctors
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  • kittybuttonkittybutton
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I say bring her. This is an important day and it's your mommy. I agree with pp to check with her Dr. Sometimes big events causes too much stimulation for them but it depends on the person so just check with her Dr. You can always go there earlier in the day before the ceremony and take pics with her. Spend time with her, for your piece of mind.
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  • vanna0092vanna0092
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    island07b2b my father and siblings think it will be too big of a problem  on my wedding day. These are the same siblings that don't visit her so I don't trust their input as for my father I know he means well but I love my MOM !!!!

    Not to mention my father had three strokes in May and I am praying and hoping all go well with him.  Honestly I want both of my parents there bc it could be the last time we are all together for a happy occasion
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  • missowensmissowens
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I love the fact you are doing your best to have your mom at your wedding.  Hiring a nurse is a good idea, but I also agree with PP about asking for the doctor's advice just to make sure she will be ok.
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  • vanna0092vanna0092
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Kittybutton  I thought about that but ........... she is 1 hr and 15 mins away.  The nurse would drive her to the ceremony and get her back to the nursing home.
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  • ThunderKitten2011ThunderKitten2011 member
    Tenth Anniversary 500 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Honey, I am so sorry that you have to make a decision like this right now! (HUGS). What I say is ask her doc, as long as he ok's it, then hire your nurse and have her there for the ceremony and for pics. I am a little biased here tho. My mom died when I was 14 and I would give anything to have her here with me right now in any capacity. I agree with PP that when you look back on pics of the day and reflect on it you're gonna want to see your mommy's face. JMO!
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  • vanna0092vanna0092
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    As for asking the doctor she has no other major health issues. The only thing that concerns me is if she have a accident in her clothes during the ceremony or while enroute to or from the nursing home.  

    Maybe I just answered my own question.   I am so torn!!!!!!! 
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  • ThunderKitten2011ThunderKitten2011 member
    Tenth Anniversary 500 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_heartbroken-advice-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:d568b11a-78e0-42f8-aaa9-b493cf01a76cPost:46509bc8-d087-4a7c-b7f5-85327f6f3af2">Re: HEARTBROKEN!!!! ADVICE PLEASE!!!!</a>:
    [QUOTE]As for asking the doctor she has no other major health issues. <strong>The only thing that concerns me is if she have a accident in her clothes during the ceremony</strong> or while enroute to or from the nursing home.   Maybe I just answered my own question.   I am so torn!!!!!!! 
    Posted by vanna0092[/QUOTE]

    I get that. But isn't that what the nurse is for? To make sure that your mommy is ok and well taken care of during everything? My grams is bedridden, she had an awful stroke a few years ago. But we hired a nurse for the entire day to take care of such things. We made sure she understands that grams is to be comfortable and hey lets be real, clean and all that that means for all the parts of the ceremony except her entrance, my uncle is gonna wheel her in in her chair during the seating of the mothers and grandmothers. Get with the nurse you hire and work out all the details.
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  • vanna0092vanna0092
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Thanks thunderkitten good point. 
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  • M1ssJM1ssJ member
    2500 Comments Fourth Anniversary 100 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    Agreeing with Thunder! Have here there is my vote
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  • FabbiegirlFabbiegirl member
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    You are not being selfish at all.  I felt the same way as well.  I was raised by my great grandmother.  Well, she is now 108 but is not always in her right state of mind.  When she remembers me, she remembers a 16 year old girl.  It is tough.  I always wanted my wedding in MS, where she is, so she could be there.  However, when the time finally came around, I decided to have a destination wedding knowing she would not be able to attend because she won't understand the occasion and what is going on nor will she remember it.  Sigh. Cry

    I won't lie.  Having her there is a selfish act, but is 100%, without a doubt, completely and totally understandable why you are trying to make it happen.
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  • MsAmeera25MsAmeera25 member
    Seventh Anniversary 1000 Comments Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    You aren't being selfish, I say bring her, you will have those pictures to cherish for the rest of your life

     

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  • PB-Bride2010PB-Bride2010
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Oh Hun.....I am sooooo sorry you're faced with such a hard decision. I agree with the pp.....Talk with her Dr. and if she cleared to attend hire a nurse for the day. Make sure the nurse understands your expections and if it become apparent that she will not be able to attend it's your wedding you can do what you want to include her in your wedding.....screw the etiquette rules. T's and P's to you and your family!!!
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  • tcjamestcjames
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_heartbroken-advice-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:d568b11a-78e0-42f8-aaa9-b493cf01a76cPost:10279af0-3a64-43e5-ab88-8ddfe73cf5d4">Re: HEARTBROKEN!!!! ADVICE PLEASE!!!!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Oh Hun.....I am sooooo sorry you're faced with such a hard decision. I agree with the pp.....Talk with her Dr. and if she cleared to attend hire a nurse for the day. Make sure the nurse understands your expections and if it become apparent that she will not be able to attend it's your wedding you can do what you want to include her in your wedding.....screw the etiquette rules. T's and P's to you and your family!!!
    Posted by PB-Bride2010[/QUOTE]

    THIS!!! I totally agree with.
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