open letter tuesday

sarack

My club board did it and I think we should start the tradition.

Dear rain,

        Please go away. We know we live in Seattle and this weather is supposedly normal but I'd like to see some sun.

Sincerely,

Sun deprived

Dear invitations,

       Please address yourself. That would be helpful.

love,

sarack

Dear apartments,

    I hate you. I can't wait to move out. Please somehow allow me to move out before my lease is up... on my wedding day!

annoyed tenant

Dear cheap employers,

    I work hard. I do my job efficiently. When I have to wait because I'm the only person left to do the work.. don't make me go home early becasue I have overtime. I deserve those hours!

disgruntled employee

carrieoz_76

Dear virus,

Please go find another home.  Or die a natural death.

Sincerely,

Sick person

mgoss228

Great idea sarack!

Dear Thursday,
Please get here sooner, I want to be in Vegas NOW!
Thanks,
Impatient me

Dear Clearance Easter Candy I bought last week,
Please stop being so delicious, or at least try to have less calories.
~my belly

MacPanda

Dear School,

I'd like to be done with you now, thanks.  No, I don't think it's important for me to know these statistical concepts for my line of work.  Also, this instructor has no idea what she's doing.

~ mad grad student


Dear Weight,

Please fall off my body magically and let me eat fries.

~ hot dress mess


Dear Economy,

You suck.  Please stop sucking and provide me with more opportunities for furthering my career and making more money.  Don't you know I have a wedding to pay for?

~ Overworked and underpaid

jennyann28

Dear assistant,

I know that you don't really care about your job, nor are you any good at it.  Still, I'd really appreciate it if you didn't take SO many days off work, especially when there is no one to cover you.

Sincerely,
Annoyed head-teacher

also

Dear DJs,

Please stop being so godforsakenly expensive/cheesy/obnoxious.  Also, please be reasonably priced, and available on July 31.

Sincerely,
Bride with 3.5 months left until her wedding date and no DJ

KST_

Dear Muscles,
Please just calm the heck down already! Stop being angry and do the work you were born to do. I want to do yoga and get you some tone before the wedding but your Physical Terapist says you aren't allowed to. And learn to loosen up, willya?
~The rest of your body

Dear Hair,
Stop being so ornery! I don't know who to hire to make you look nice for the wedding who wouldn't cost lots of money. It's stressing me out and I just can't deal. Would you just behave and hold the curl *I* give you for one day?
~Pocketbook Head

Dear Housing market,
Tell the bank to get over it's damn self and realize that our mild demand of them covering the closing cost plus reducing the sale price STILL makes the sale price higher than their asking price. The market hasn't recovered yet and they're turning away a second buyer? Anybody else is going to be displeased the the structural problems. Otherwise, land a house in our yard and have it be the right one so we can get in contract before the end of the month and get the first-time homebuyer credit. We're missing our probably only opportunity to buy a house!
~Unhappy apartment dweller

Tygirljojo

Dear body,

Please get in shape now.  You could save me so much stress and work.  Especially by getting in shape as I eat ice cream, chips, and all the other things that make my tastebuds happy.  Happy tastebuds = happy Jolene.

Yours truly,

Yourself



Dear invites,

I would greatly appreciate it if you could finish designing yourselves.  You can also print and assemble yourselves while you are at it. 

Much obliged,

The bride


Dear evil neighbors,

I hope your smoke detectors all start to chirp as the batteries get low at about 3am.  Each one can start to go on different nights so you finally understand what it is like to lose sleep.  I also hope your roosters are able to free themselves and on their run to freedom claw all over your cars or whatever piece of property it is you value.  Clearly it is not your home. 

Sincerely,

Annoyed neighbor

jamers22

dear mouth,
please stop hurting. i know you're hurting because you lost your dear friends, the wisdom teeth, but punishing me just isn't very nice of you. while i appreciate you giving me an excuse to skip work and class, i am in serious pain.i promise if you let dear vicodin do his job, and you heal quickly, i will reward you with a very good brushing and bleaching.
love,
your face

dear puppies,
yes, i know that you're excited that mama came home early today, and we've had some good, quality time over the last few days, but please, be good little boys and just cuddle for the rest of the day so i can get some work done.
love,
your mama

niq24601

I like this idea!

Dear guest list,

We need to talk. You keep getting bigger. I'm fully supportive of guest lists that are just "naturally bigger", but this is getting out of control. And I wouldn't say anything except that you've gotten so big that you're no longer fitting into the venues we got for you six months ago. We're not about to put down deposits on new ones. Godparents don't need to come to the Rehearsal dinner. Great aunts that you rarely see don't need to come to the wedding.

I know that MOG and MOB and FOG have been telling you that one or two more couples "won't hurt", but it's starting to add up. You need to find people who won't be offended by cutting them out. You can go visit them for Christmas or something. Okay?

Cheers,
Niq

dbraulik

Good ones!

I agree.

Dear Housing Market-
Please recover sufficiently since I am the only bread winner in our family. My FI is laid off and had knee surgery and the VA isn't paying for it! So I need to support my family and pay for the wedding. Tell the banks to get with it and approve the short sales I have on the market. And let my 4 first time home buyers find their dream home before the tax credit expires.

Thanks.
Your friendly Realtor


Dear RSVPs-

Please get here already so that I know how many are coming to our wedding. We've only received 12 back out of 68 sent!

Sincerely-

The Bride.

And Jenny-

We ended up going with Karr Productions after our friend backed out last week! (Remember he was going to save us a ton of money so we cancelled our real DJ?)  We booked Karr Productions last night.

dreamwinds

Unlike niq...

Dear Guest List,

Please grow by at least 15 people. We're getting preliminary feedback on those who can or can't make it even though we haven't sent out STDs or invitations yet, and suddenly we find out 5 people have no passports to travel to the US. Awesome. We're already a fairly 'small' wedding, but we do need some minimum number of people attending to meet our venue minimums. K thx gg.

Love,

Hating Numbers Bride


Dear Venue,

Please stop confusing me with all sorts of conflicting numbers! I usually love math and now...

Love,

Hating Numbers Bride, part 2

BrandyL10

Great idea Sarack!

Dear L&I,
I haven't heard from you... Isn't it about time you let me know your decision? It would help tremendously!
Thank you!
Disgruntled and hurt employee

And that's all I got this Tues, maybe I'll have more next week!

jennyann28

Thanks Debi!  I will check them out!

Here's another one:

Dear Sa-rack,

Thanks for adding fuel to my baby-fever fire.  Now I have babies on the brain even more.

Your friend with an empty uterus,

Jennyann28

hsunij

Great idea!

Dear FI's work,

Can you please transfer him to California now? I miss the family and the sunshine. Also, a pay raise would be nice.

Sun deprived Bride

Dear Time

Please move faster, I would like my wedding to be here already so I can start the whole getting used to the new last name thing.

Miss Johnson

Dear puppies

You guys are almost as wonderful as my FI. Almost.

Proud Pug and Vizsla owner

cupcakepirate

Dear incompetent supervisor,

Please get fired for being so rude all the time, or learn how to do your job and not ask the NEWEST hire how to make a schedule that will accomodate everyone. It's really pretty simple.

Sincerely,
Your newest and better educated employee.

Dear brother,

Please realize that I will not be your personal vacation chauffer, nor by any stretch of the imagination, will I let you DRIVE my car while you are on vacation just because you need to 'reward' my nephew by flying to Portland and taking a train home. Additionally, realize I am not your vacation planner.

Yours,
Sister


Dear Military,

Please give me my husband back. Pretty please with sugar on top? I miss him quite terribly. The pay and the insurance aren't worth going to bed alone every night.

Your Friend,
Military Wife


Dear Bumpies,

Please please PLEASE stop having such cute babies. My brains would appreciate staying inside my head and NOT exploding from all the cuteness. kthxbai.

xo,
Your not-pregnant, cupcake-and-baby obsessed lurker.