African American Weddings

FI and I are in a bad place right now

Okay so not sure if all of you read my post from yesterday about the whole HONEYMOON stuff. If not look a few posts down first and then come back to this one.

Anyway FI and I talked lastnight and he told me to let him take care of the happenings with his family and he will work things out with them. To give you a quick understanding of what happened just in case you didn't read the first post:

FI's Aunt was supposedly giving us her timeshare to use for the honeymoon. Well come to find out she wanted us to pay her annual renewal fee and then it would be ours. I had no idea about this until 2 days ago. It's $700.00 due that we didn't plan for.

Anyway during our convo he stated let me deal with my family and this issue. So I say to him, "how are you going to deal with it, help me understand what you plan to do?" I told him that I didn't want him to trouble his mother and grandmother with this mess because right now they are both not working. Mom is laid off and Grandma is out on disability. The aunt that he plans to ask to pay for it is the same Aunt that told us the money was due. So I said I didn't see the reason to bother her with it.

He got so upset with me and told me that I need not give him advice on how to deal with his family and he planned to ask them despite my two cents.

WE are really in a bad place right now and I have no clue what to do next. I can't for the life of me understand why he would ask two people who are unemployed and a 3rd being the same one that told us to pay the dag on  money.

**shrugging shoulders and shaking my head**
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Re: FI and I are in a bad place right now

  • edited December 2011
    Ughh...the family issue can be sticky. Trust...FI & I have had MANY disagreements about how he deals with his family. I have learned to just let him handle it when it says he will. It only created an issue when I tried to intervene & made him feel like he won't do a damn thing.

    Just let him deal with that situation & ask him to let you know how it goes. On your end, you can still research other destinations for your honeymoon just in case. Just remain calm about it, and if it helps, don't discuss it for a few days.

    Ya'll will be okay.
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  • edited December 2011

    They really can be sticky girl. I am so fed up to the top of my head with this and other things. Girl when this wedding is over I will be so glad. I am just over it and over everything that comes with it.

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  • edited December 2011
    Prettymami: You've got PM.
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  • edited December 2011
    I responded.
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  • edited December 2011
    Sometimes a man just likes for us to let him be the man.  I would let him handle it.  Are you sure he didn't know about the $700 earlier?  Could that have been part of the original deal?
  • sadou02sadou02 member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_fi-bad-place-right-now?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:400Discussion:dc10cc93-9706-47f2-b30a-7d09a273cfd1Post:8a20a8c8-e6b8-4de9-b05f-e8b0da447a36">Re: FI and I are in a bad place right now</a>:
    [QUOTE]Ughh...the family issue can be sticky. Trust...FI & I have had MANY disagreements about how he deals with his family. I have learned to just let him handle it when it says he will. It only created an issue when I tried to intervene & made him feel like he won't do a damn thing. Just let him deal with that situation & ask him to let you know how it goes. On your end, you can still research other destinations for your honeymoon just in case. Just remain calm about it, and if it helps, don't discuss it for a few days. Ya'll will be okay.
    Posted by lil01[/QUOTE]

    This... From reading your post it seems like a nerve may have been struck where he felt like he wasnt even given the opportunity to handle this situation.  You never know he may not be asking his family members with help on this but going to clarify the matter and get his feelings out about how the situation occurred.  One thing Ive learned with being with FI is that you have to allow a man to be a man and make mistakes/ achievements otherwise he may not feel self-worth in the relationship.
    Hope it all works out.  I say apologize and explain to him your anxiety about this situation.
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  • cincy2011cincy2011 member
    2500 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Agree with the PPs, this is totally about manhood.  Let him handle and don't worry about it.  I'm not saying he's going to handle it the correct way, but I would definitely let him manage this issue.  He seems to place a lot of importance on dealing with his family issues himself, so I'd let him do that.  Good luck! 
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  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_fi-bad-place-right-now?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:dc10cc93-9706-47f2-b30a-7d09a273cfd1Post:f84b9180-b111-4138-a531-8d22462e1466">Re: FI and I are in a bad place right now</a>:
    [QUOTE]Sometimes a man just likes for us to let him be the man.  I would let him handle it.  Are you sure he didn't know about the $700 earlier?  Could that have been part of the original deal?
    Posted by simbidi[/QUOTE]

    He may have known that the $700 was part of the original deal but he didn't express it to me. If that is the case what the eff do we do now? Where do you pull $700 addt'l dollars from 2 months before a wedding is my question?

    I guess the hard part about all this is if it's the case where we do have to pay it then there is the possibility that we may not be honeymooning.

    I did apologize to him and explain my anxiety about it all. I told him that I would let him deal with his family but to keep me informed on what he has come up with.

    It's all so meantally and emotionally draining.
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  • edited December 2011
    I agree with the PPs... FI and I had some issues surrounding this recently and at our first counseling session the pastor really stressed that a man's biggest need is for respect while a woman's biggest need is for security. And that really hit home for me and what we were dealing with and it seems like it may apply to you all as well. You want some assurance, some solid plans, for commitments and promises to be kept (security) and he wants you to step back and let him handle things, to allow him to be the man and bring that security to you (respect). In order for you all to both get what you need you may just have to step back and give him the chance to handle business in his own way. Don't question him or second guess him, take it to the Lord in prayer and trust that it will all work out.

    I am honestly looking forward to a post later on that proclaims how everything has worked out beautifully for you all and probably exceeded your expectations!


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  • edited December 2011
    Sweets I will keep you posted on this girl. I thank you for that tid bit of info too. Awesome advice.
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  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_fi-bad-place-right-now?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:400Discussion:dc10cc93-9706-47f2-b30a-7d09a273cfd1Post:1d03fa62-40be-4d16-a5f4-6e34e858f7ec">Re: FI and I are in a bad place right now</a>:
    [QUOTE]Sweets I will keep you posted on this girl. I thank you for that tid bit of info too. Awesome advice.
    Posted by prettymami2[/QUOTE]

    Please do! I LOVE testimonies and praise reports! LOL


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