So I have decided.....

Ky925

That I am no longer discussing details of our weddings with our friends and family!!  Because if another person comes at me sideways....I JUST MAY SNAP!!  (this is the last of a long list of rude encounters) Long story short......we were at FI's family house for a cookout.  When we were leaving his cousin hugged me and said "Do I get a plus 1?"  I said "NO" and left it at that.  Anyway I was bombarded with people trying to tell me I 'have" to give people plus 1s (among other things I'm required to provide)  I left it at this, it's our wedding....we are paying and I don't want a bunch of strangers (especially not your flavor of the week) at our wedding reception, point blank period...If you feel some type of way about it you don't have to come.  Obviously people in relationships, out of town guests and people who would know noone are getting plus 1s, there are very few single (not dating or in a relationship) guests.  Sorry just needed to vent...other than that planning has been going GREAT lol!!

kwillia139

I understand totally. Unfortunately my family told me that I was rude for that. But my daddy finally said that I will pay for the difference. So I'm still like in my mind HECK NO but my lips parted and said ok.

Ky925

And you know it really as nothing to do with the money pp, it's just what we decided to do (mainly) FI.  And it really makes me no nevermind if someone thinks we are being rude.....I just find it funny. But like I said "our day, our way"....You are almost there!!!  Yay!!

Carla1019

I understand your pain. I ask if they want to contribute $100 per plate for the extra people, they normally shut up.

I had a friend recently ask me how much I'm spending for the wedding and I had to change the subject. There is no way in the world I'm telling family and friends the total costs. Are they crazy!

That's why I love coming here. Only you ladies understand how difficult wedding planning is.

Ky925

Thank you!!  I knew someone would understand me lol!!  People are really bugging, this is not a BBQ this is an expensive party and you can't tell me how to spend OUR money.  Their response was "oh you'll make it back in gifts!"  First off, I'm not inviting people to make money, I want to celebrate with our FRIENDS and FAMILY,  2nd if you have no clue what we are spending pp how do you know I'm gonna make it back in gifts and 3rd not at all dealing with some of the trif fam on the guest list....sigh.  People are really trying me!!

mikimoto6

Ladies,

I don't mean to be the etiquett police but you are not obligated to allow single friends to invite guests to your wedding. All of the books speak to married or engaged couples specifically, and newwer editions are including cohabitating couples in that obligatory list.  For everyone else, there is no obligation. 

For those of us who are paying for weddings, accomodating somebody's  "boo du jour" is definitely not a mandatory expense.  Given the costs per person that some people pay, it is out of the question. I have a client who is looking at spending $175 per person, so I know they are not allowing plus one's...

Personally, I am having a small wedding.  Our guest list has 65 on it and we don't want it to grow.  If we allowed plus one's that would add 30+ people to our guest list and that is not going to happen.  My MOH feels that people should allow folks a plus one if single, but that is because she has not had to finance a wedding.  She knows my position on the issue and isn't complaining for my wedding, but she certainly expects others to be more accommodating when she receives invites.  Our invited guests are close enough to know that our list is intimate and nobody has asked.  They will get their feelings hurt should they choose to inquire because the answer is absolutely not!  

Soon2BSand

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_decided?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:400Discussion:e37a1ceb-1ba3-4e80-bb9f-05e2eeff8aedPost:bf2b4141-a5b3-4466-aa42-61e97552480f">So I have decided.....</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>That I am no longer discussing details of our weddings with our friends and family!</strong>!  Because if another person comes at me sideways....I JUST MAY SNAP!!  (this is the last of a long list of rude encounters) Long story short......we were at FI's family house for a cookout.  When we were leaving his cousin hugged me and said "Do I get a plus 1?"  I said "NO" and left it at that.  Anyway I was bombarded with people trying to tell me I 'have" to give people plus 1s (among other things I'm required to provide)  I left it at this, it's our wedding....we are paying and I don't want a bunch of strangers (especially not your flavor of the week) at our wedding reception, point blank period...If you feel some type of way about it you don't have to come.  Obviously people in relationships, out of town guests and people who would know noone are getting plus 1s, there are very few single (not dating or in a relationship) guests.  Sorry just needed to vent...other than that planning has been going GREAT lol!!
Posted by Ky925[/QUOTE]

<div>I BEEN gave it up... I hate people sometimes. Shoot.</div><div>
</div><div>lol</div>

djscat

We are not having plus 1's either.  I am about tired of the people actually on the guest list so to add to that OH HELL NAW!!!  Look ain't no body contributing to this here wedding but me and my pumpkin.  If you wanna bring a plus one cough up some cash.  Otherwise shut the hell up and be gratefull I have not taken you off the guest list. 

Sorry ya'll I had to vent. LOL  I'm glad my family isn't the only family driving a bride crazy!!!! UGH!!!!

Soon2BSand

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_decided?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:400Discussion:e37a1ceb-1ba3-4e80-bb9f-05e2eeff8aedPost:906b444b-a65f-4478-9bb6-f4e365b01e93">Re: So I have decided.....</a>:
[QUOTE]We are not having plus 1's either.  I am about tired of the people actually on the guest list so to add to that OH HELL NAW!!!  Look ain't no body contributing to this here wedding but me and my pumpkin.  If you wanna bring a plus one cough up some cash.  Otherwise shut the hell up and be gratefull I have not taken you off the guest list.  Sorry ya'll I had to vent. LOL  I'm glad my family isn't the only family driving a bride crazy!!!! UGH!!!!
Posted by djscat[/QUOTE]

<div>Guh.<div>
</div><div>I'm not looking forward to this AT.ALL.</div><div>
</div></div>

Fabbiegirl

I totally feel everyone on this post.  I have had coworkers try to invite themselves and even my best friend wanted to bring 4 extra people instead of one!  People lose good sense when it comes to weddings, and I have a theory about this now.  Because we don't want to be seen as bridezilla b****s, I think people try to do stupid things knowing that we are trying to be as polite as possible. 

PrettyCW5

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_decided?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:e37a1ceb-1ba3-4e80-bb9f-05e2eeff8aedPost:cc3a3d1f-2a82-4c8e-87e3-5ad0fb8e9ffe">Re: So I have decided.....</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:<strong> So I have decided..... : Guh. I'm not looking forward to this AT.ALL.
</strong>Posted by Soon2BSand[/QUOTE]

Me either!! <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-frown.gif" border="0" alt="Frown" title="Frown" />

mikimoto6

I have a couple of friends who offered to pay their meal cost, but the issue we have is space. We booked a small venue to accomodate our small wedding.  People keep missing that point.

lil01

We offered plus 1s to married or engaged couples, those in serious relationships (that me & hubby knew of), and I let my soloist cause she was flying from Florida. No one else got plus 1s.....not even single folks. And we did NOT give the option of paying for their meal. No means no....period. I refused to be collecting money for plates along with everything else going on. Not even an option......lol.

lil01

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_decided?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:e37a1ceb-1ba3-4e80-bb9f-05e2eeff8aedPost:bf2b4141-a5b3-4466-aa42-61e97552480f">So I have decided.....</a>:
[QUOTE]That<strong> I am no longer discussing details of our weddings with our friends and family!!</strong>  Because if another person comes at me sideways....I JUST MAY SNAP!!  (this is the last of a long list of rude encounters) Long story short......we were at FI's family house for a cookout.  When we were leaving his cousin hugged me and said "Do I get a plus 1?"  I said "NO" and left it at that.  Anyway I was bombarded with people trying to tell me I 'have" to give people plus 1s (among other things I'm required to provide)  I left it at this, it's our wedding....we are paying and I don't want a bunch of strangers (especially not your flavor of the week) at our wedding reception, point blank period...If you feel some type of way about it you don't have to come.  Obviously people in relationships, out of town guests and people who would know noone are getting plus 1s, there are very few single (not dating or in a relationship) guests.  Sorry just needed to vent...other than that planning has been going GREAT lol!!
Posted by Ky925[/QUOTE]

I had to learn this too.

ThunderKitten2011

LORD, I know that I am gonna go through so much drama when my invites go out next week. I am soooo not looking forward to this. Just based on the comments that have come our way since we announced the engagement I can already see it!!! When FI called his mom and told her a few things about the wedding her response was, yawl don't need to have a big wedding. For real? Says who? What are you offering to pay for? And who determines what is big or not? I was HOT about that one. I have folks inviting themselves and if I run into ONE  more person that my sister has told that it is ok for them to just show up, she might find herself under the bumper of my Durango!!! GAH LEE, when my friend told me that this is what it would be like, I should have listened and eloped!!