It took me an hour and a half and 2 pages, but I wrote a letter to my in-laws telling them 100% how I feel about eveything.
Below is the letter... WARNING its long!!!
Dear Mr. & Mrs. B,
It has come to my attention that you are not the people I assumed you to be. I figured that you were the humble parents of a wonderful man, but I have realized you are the disrespectful and unsupportive parents of a wonderful man. You may think that saying you are unsupportive is a false statement, but I can tell you that your monetary support of your son isn’t the only support a person needs. A person requires mental and emotional support which I can see your relationship with your son is void of those two.
You are disrespectful in that you have taken a false view of me and you have spun it unto this whirlwind of a fictional tale. You have taken the approach of “seen one, seen them all”. You have made my family out to be this group of thieving, scary, and horrible individuals. I have told you that people in my family have made some horrible and illegal mistakes and they have either paid for them or they are currently paying for them at the moment. You cannot and I will not allow you to take their behavior and mistakes and make them a reflection upon me.
I was raised by two strong women who raised me to be resilient, strong, respectful, and independent. These women my mother and grandmother are the most giving and kind women I think anyone could ever meet in this world. They would give the clothes off of their back to a friend or stranger if they were in need. This assumption you have put on my family and me that we need Olivier and you for your money is the most ridiculous think I have heard in my life. You have no clue what is in my bank account and in their bank accounts and if you knew what we had I could in return make up the stupid story that you needed us.
With the previous said I think I have shown the type of young woman that I am. I am independent and strong. This strong and independent young woman has fallen in love with your son and he has fallen in love with me. Your son has asked me to be his wife. Most parents I know of sons or daughters are very excited that their child has made this decision, but from your family I see nothing, but disappointment which has always puzzled me. When I first arrived in Belgium I felt welcomed at first, but slowly I started to feel extremely unwelcomed. It got to the point where I was physically sick when I knew I was going to have to deal with the two of you. I came to realize that you must hide your distaste by being nice and spending money. I appreciate everything you have done for me and the clothes you have bought me, but I personally now don’t think it was out of any kind of love, but as a cover-up of distaste for me. Whenever I was around there would be smiles on your faces and you would be so nice, but I’ve learned to see through these smiles and I don’t see any type of liking for me at all because when I’m gone it always gets back to me that you have said something negative about me.
To address the negative things I know that you think Olivier shouldn’t marry me because of my health and you make it seem as if the problems with my health have been caused by me. I can tell you that you are 100% wrong. I’m not sorry to say that I was born this way. My mother became extremely ill during her pregnancy and it’s not her fault either because he did everything the doctors instructed her to do, but her body couldn’t handle being pregnant and therefore I was bore early, which makes me susceptible to diseases and disorders due to having a low immune system. You have no idea how much time I spend every day wishing I didn’t have psoriasis. I have psoriasis and I cannot control that my skin sheds. I spend a large part of my day sweeping and vacuuming up skin. Most of my day is wasted in these stupid tasks all because I have an auto-immune disorder. I don’t appreciate any remarks you have made about my disorder and the mess that it leaves behind because it is not my fault.
Now I want to address the pre-marital agreement. I think this is the stupidest document known to man. How can you put the price on the love and marriage of two people? You say that I want what you have, but at the same time my family can say that Olivier wants what we have and my family isn’t pushing for this document. Personally I think this document is setting our marriage up for this failure that you fear, but at the same time I think you would welcome and praise. I have informed Olivier that if he wants this document it has to be with his heart and soul. He had to want every clause in this document with his heart and soul. I have informed him that he does not want this document with 100% of his heart and soul then I will not be signing anything.
You say that you don’t want us to marry due to you know many divorced couples or couples that are divorcing. I don’t think you have faith in the institution of marriage. I have this faith; I know that at some points in the marriage that we might not be happy, but with the work ethic that has been instilled in me I know I have to work hard in this marriage. Marriage is not just a part of life that happens and you go through it, but it is a full time job that you are signing up to be employed in for the rest of your life. I am dedicating myself to this marriage and new family unit forever.
I praise and find it wonderful that you have been married for 40 years. Most people I know who have been married for a long period of time have encouraged me through the process of getting married, but you are the only people who have not encouraged me. I find this to be odd for a couple who has been together for so long. Something inside tells me that you who have been married for 40 years aren’t even confident in the institution of married and that tells me something there isn’t happy and isn’t right. I may be wrong, but that is the feeling that I get. I feel that if you are telling me not to make this mistake then you feel that you made a mistake. Most parents I know make a point to watch their child to get married. It breaks my heart that you Mrs. B won’t make the journey to California to see your son get married. I understand that your husband cannot come, but you are well enough to make the journey, but won’t come. It breaks my heart because all the mother’s I know would do anything they could to see their child get married if they liked the person they were marrying or not. It is always your choice, but that is my opinion.
I previous stated that I didn’t feel 100% welcome when it comes to joining your family and I have come to realize that this might always be the case. I have had you smile in my face with the fakest of smiles and I have smiled back, but I am not the type of person to smile in the faces of people that make me feel uncomfortable or unwelcomed. When Olivier and I get married I will be coming to Belgium and I will not smile in your face like we are the best of friends or the closest family. I will be cordial and I will respect you. I was raised with the quote “Treat others the way you would like to be treated” I will treat you with the respect I was taught to always give my elders and I would hope to receive it back. If you don’t want me coming to your home then I won’t, but I won’t be the type of woman to pull your son away. Your son will always be allowed to come and see you his parents whenever he pleases because a relationship with your parents I think is one of the most important things to have.
I hope you take the things I have said to heart and don’t just reject them. Everything I have said comes from a broken heart. I have never had any people treat me in such a hurtful way. The treatment was never to my face, when I was there you did a lot for me, but once I was gone and behind closed doors I feel that I was attacked. Not on behalf of me, but on behalf of my family, the women who raised me I would appreciate a formal apology for the hurtful things you have said about me and my family. I would also appreciate for you to give your son a formal apology for the things you have said because you have hurt him as well. I want to and I will marry your son because I love him with every inch of my heart, not for money, not for property, not for material things, but for the simple request that he love me back.
Sincerely,
Janae
"Ever Thine, Ever Mine, Ever Ours"
Janae & Olivier
