Registry Thoughts

dreamwinds

It took a while for us to be ok with having a registry and mostly only after people told us 1) charity registries are rude somehow and 2) people will buy us things anyway (like ugly crystal chickens) that we don't want and might as well control what we get to what we want.

Then we got bombarded with people (both invited and not invited to our pretty pretty princess day), asking for our registry info and one woman (who has never been on the guest list and even more so now is not) even had the gall to tell my mom (before we decided to just suck it up and have one), that we were being rude and snobby by not having a registry.

That said, we've gone to town on the registry, especially with completion bonuses and all that and we have a few big ticket items on there. (Yes, this post is totally because of those hot topics listed below). We registered for a full set of all-clad and le creuset pans, mostly cause once the wedding is over, I am looking forward to the 10-15% off or whatever. I think the average cost of items on our registry is closer to 75 than 25, but we have a lot of items under 40 too.

What do you guys think about big ticket items on registries?

And what would your idea of big ticket be, monetarily and item-wise? (For us, big ticket is the le creuset and all-clad pots and pans sets.)

Would it bother you to see those kinds of items on anyone's registry? And does the kind of wedding it is make any difference as to your thoughts in regards to someone's registry? (I am totally pillaging these questions from that post into the safety of our local board.)

kinmir30

I actually hated creating our registry because of how expensive things were and I felt totally rude adding really expensive things on there (like a nice pot and pan set)....FI says that's just what people do and I guess it is. But I felt kinda guilty asking my guests to buy me a $300-400 pan set or whatever it was. I just felt kind of ridiculous. Those were just my feelings personally. I just think it's kind of weird to do that......like asking someone to buy you a $200 duvet. UGH! I really felt awkward.

I just feel like if I was a guest and I was going through the registry, I would just laugh at items like that....but there is no way I could ever afford to buy someone a $300 pan set....I am also not very experienced in weddings....I have never attended a regular wedding like we are planning. FI has attended lots and reassures me that this is just how it is....but I just felt kinda rude doing it. Lol. But I also have a really hard time asking anyone for anything.

mgoss228

Ditto kinmir, the registry process can definitely be awkward.  But it's totally normal to high ticket items on your registery. 

My idea of a big ticket item would be $200+.  Our mixer is $300-something, and of course the duvet is rediculous.  I don't expect any of our friends to spend more than $50, but I know that a couple of small groups of my friends have pooled together for gifts for other people's weddings, so I included a dozen $100 level gifts for them and older family members.  There's another dozen of $200+ gifts that we might use our rewards card/after wedding discount for, or maybe we'll get surprised and someone will buy one of those gifts for us.

To make me feel less guilty I included tons of cooking books, napkin rings, photo frames, small kitchen utensils, and a lot of random gifts that we could use/upgrade our current stuff that was in the $5-20 range.  There were about twice the number of registery items total compared to the guest list (so ~234 items for 117 guests), with a wide range of prices.

If I remember correctly, both you and DH came into the marriage with fairly established household products, if people really want to buy you something you want and could use (or upgrade items you already own) they will do it.  That or write you a nice check (or buy a giftcard) and stick in a cute Wedding card

dreamwinds

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_washington-seattle_registry-thoughts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:104Discussion:30920ebf-d6c9-4d9c-b709-fb4b6744d528Post:6bed17d4-b14f-47ca-a8c5-f16947d7428e">Re: Registry Thoughts</a>:
[QUOTE]If I remember correctly, both you and DH came into the marriage with fairly established household products, if people really want to buy you something you want and could use (or upgrade items you already own) they will do it.  That or write you a nice check (or buy a giftcard) and stick in a cute Wedding card
Posted by mgoss228[/QUOTE]

I have a pretty established household. He moved down from Canada, seriously, with one box of stuff (clothes and shoes), a snowboard, and his computer. He's not big on stuff in general.

Thing is, like some people the <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_poll-big-ticket-items" target="_blank">original topic </a>said, I'm putting the bigger items on there to take advantage of the later discounts.

Nothing really counteracts the awkward though.

I went to a punch and dessert wedding once, where the bride bragged about how frugal she was to her guests, which made me feel a little sour about her registry of  predominately $100+ items.

Should a registry reflect how much cost/effort you put into your wedding, or am I going to hell for being all Judgy McJudgyson? ;)

mgoss228

I think a registry should reflect the financial capabilities of the guests (20-somethings generally can't spend the $$$$ that 30-40 yr olds can), and should feature items that the couple genuinely need.  The costs of the wedding shouldn't be completely reflected in the registry, but I sure would side-eye the hell at a punch/dessert wedding reception with a $100+ registry and would probably just give them a $20 gift card to the store they registered at.

Dreamwinds:   Was punch/dessert invitation nice at least?  Imo, the invitation should reflect the style of the wedding, and I would be extra judgey if the invite was WAY more fancy than the actual wedding, OR if the invite was super plain and icky and had that $$$$ registry.

zoiesmurf

Typical rule of thumb is you register for things you need/want/need to upgrade with I think 50% in the under $100 category, 25% in the $100-200 category and a few larger ticket items in the over $200 category. Most people expect to see this, and you never know what people want to spend on you, or if they want to pool money with other guests to buy you something big. A registry has nothing to do with the kind of wedding, or how much you spent. It's about giving guests who would like to bring you a gift the option of buying you something you like and really need. Think of it this way too, guests choose to look at registries, because they want to know what you would like and need to build a home. They do not have to look at or buy off the registries, or buy you a gift at all. It's just a guideline for all price ranges for those that want to spend money on you and FI.

tvgal1971

I think if you have a variety of high/low items then you're in good shape.  For me, it's all about variety...giving people options and then they can decide what they can afford.  Sometimes you'd be surprised at who wants to splurge on you and who wants to do a group gift.

We have a friend of the family getting married and she is just starting out and needs the basics, but already has china/crystal thanks to her mom buying it over the years while she was growing up.  My mom called me yesterday and said that she doesn't see anything on her registry to buy because everything is $79 and under.  My mom wants to get something over $100 and doesn't like the idea of buying multiple gifts...she doesn't think that's substantial enough.

For my cousin's wedding next month, I bought her Waterford glasses back in December because I knew that Waterford goes on sale only about twice a year and I wanted to get a bigger bang for my buck.

I do think that a registry helps the guests as much as it helps the bride & groom get things they may actually like.  While I appreciated every gift that we received, I can't say that I really "liked" many that weren't from the registry.  They just weren't our style and I hate that someone spent money on something that I'm not going to use. 

Enjoy!

Tbird87

I was also worried about "big items" when I set up my registry.  We also put an alclad cookware set on the registry (skipped the le crueset because I can't lift those darn things!!).  My thoughts were this:  we already have a decent cookware set, so if someone is going to gift us a new set for the wedding, it should be way above and beyond what we already have.  If no one wants to shell out the 6-700 bucks for the cookware set, it's not like we won't be able to eat.  However, we don't have many other big items (no 200 per place setting china or anything like that).

As a side note, the people at the store tell you that people work together to buy you a big gift.  I thought this sounded kind of weird, but my FMIL says FI's aunts might be getting together to buy the alclad set for my shower.  So I guess there is some truth to that.

thorpta

Anyone have thoughts on posting registry information to their wedding website?  I have been getting hassled because people want to know, but I am hesitant to add it.  We ended up registring in several places because we have a pretty established household so it was just a few things here and there.

Thanks!

mgoss228

I think most people post their registry info on their wedding website, no one should be offended imo. 

The only time registry info gets sketchy is if you include it in your wedding invitation, but in some communities even that is the norm.  But I think adding it to your website is completely okay (at least I have my info on my website ).

Frogger5

It's really late at night and my judgement might be a little off due to over-saturation of wedding-planning, I haven't posted a lot, and I didn't read the original posts, but here's what I think anyway:
1) When I'm a guest at a wedding, I always choose a gift that costs approximately the amount I estimate the per-person cost was, using the sort of "per plate" cost, meaning more the amount of the reception/meal than the total cost of the wedding. If you have two people coming to your wedding as a couple and you are paying what I am paying for our rather middle-range cost wedding, I don't think it's at all unreasonable to have gifts that are in the $100-$200 range, especially if your guests are more established and live in a metro area like Seattle. My FI and I go out to eat downtown, get a couple of drinks, and the bill is almost $100, so - there you go.
2) We decided to register for Le Creuset pots and pans as an upgrade, but picked individual items instead of any kind of set to keep the total cost of each item down, even if the individual guests end up paying more than it would cost to buy the set. We also needed more items on our registry, so that helped!
3) I would never think it was bad that someone had expensive items on their registry (over $200?), just, "hope they have rich aunts and uncles to pick up that stuff!" or, "ah-ha, they're planning on taking advantage of the percentage off the store will give them after the wedding!" Group gifts are also really common among my friends, like all of the coworkers will chip in for something fancy.
4) We don't have a wedding website, so we are relying on the old grapevine for getting this info out to the guests. Everyone (275 guests invited) should know either me, my fiance, my mom, or his mom well enough to ask if they really want to know. Also, I personally have often just entered a bride's name into a registry I think they might have registered at, and it has worked for me. We're only registered at Macy's and Target, which are very popular registries, so I figure we're pretty much covered.
5) If I go to a wedding that does not have a registry, or if nothing left is something I would give the couple and I also don't know them well enough to pick something off-registry, the answer is cash.
End of post/vent. I appreciate the opportunity to get this out of me!

ajroark

It would not bother me at all to see those on someone's registry. If I could not afford a more expensive item, I would search your registry for something less or maybe even go in a pricier gift with someone else going to the wedding. There probably is SOMEONE you're inviting that will be able to buy you a big-ticket item, and you would totally be kicking yourself if you didn't put one on there.