FMIL Issue (Very Long)

egammo3

FMIL and I have a great relationship, but lately now that I am in the middle of wedding planning, I just feel her nonchalance has caused me to feel some kind of way about her. I have spoken to FI several times about this and usually he pleads the fifth. What put me over the edge: was the fact that this weekend is the wedding of one of their family friends, and FBIL and his gf are a part of the WP. Mind you, FMIL does not really care for the bride and has mentioned that she is only going to the wedding because she wants to be nosey, and has also said that she was not helping with the wedding. But, for some reason despite what she has told me, FMIL has taken a huge interest in this wedding. She is going to help them get ready, helping put together favors, just all up in the wedding of someone she is not even related to. She even had the nerve to tell me 2 days ago,  "When this wedding is over I can focus on your wedding". EXCUSE ME! You have a nerve to put someone else's wedding over your son's. That was the last straw with her. Not once has she asked me about how my wedding planning is going or even showed any curiosity about what I have accomplished. She mentioned to FI that she was going to mail his portion of the STD's and a week later she has not done them.  At this point, I just really don't want to share anything about our wedding with her. You didn't take an interest before, so don't take one now that the other wedding is over. I feel that everything has been taken care of with the support of my family and friends and at this time I just don't need or want her help.

Do you think I should take this attitude?

2010Bride2be

She said what she said about the family friend's wedding (just going to be nosey), but who knows why she said that. Perhaps she was pi$$ed at them for whatever reason and made the comment. It happens, people say things they don't really mean in the heat of the moment. Or, these people may have requested her assistance for whatever reason. 

In regards to her comment about focusing on your wedding once this family friend's wedding is over...I would take that with a grain of salt. IMHO, you're over thinking this. Some people can only focus on one big event at a time. If these people are close to the family, this wedding may mean a lot to her as well and once she is done being involved with this event, she can focus solely on yours. 

The friend's wedding is this weekend. You still have 7 months until your wedding, so as it gets closer, she may show more interest and involvement as things need to get done. With my MIL, she really didn't get involved in anything unless DH and I brought it up or asked her about something, and I was fine with that (but that was just me). 

Soon2BSand

Woosah love. It sounds like nothing to be up in arms about. Remember although we count down to the second everyone else isnt nearly as concerned (sometimes not even the groom). My FMIL has never said a word about our wedding...I doubt she even knows when it is. Be grateful someone offered to assist or their concern. Either accept or decline and keep it moving. This really isn't an issue worth affecting the relationship with your husbands mother. She will be your mother in law long after the wedding and like it or not she will be in your life. Choose your battles.

egammo3

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_fmil-issue-very-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:ece4094e-dddb-4f80-a28d-30ef05e1b4a9Post:b5407820-effb-48ba-8b0e-8e072733ba0e">Re: FMIL Issue (Very Long)</a>:
[QUOTE]Woosah love. It sounds like nothing to be up in arms about. Remember although we count down to the second everyone else isnt nearly as concerned (sometimes not even the groom). My FMIL has never said a word about our wedding...I doubt she even knows when it is. Be grateful someone offered to assist or their concern.<strong> Either accept or decline and keep it moving</strong>. This really isn't an issue worth affecting the relationship with your husbands mother. She will be your mother in law long after the wedding and like it or not she will be in your life. Choose your battles.
Posted by Soon2BSand[/QUOTE]

Choose my battles.... you're absolutely right! This is not one battle worth fighting. "Keep it moving" has been my motto throughout this process so far, and I think Im going to continue to do that whether she offers or not.