Washington-Seattle

Children at Weddings

I don't like children at weddings.  Most weddings are just not child-friendly, and besides that, then Mom/Dad don't get to have as good of a time because they are babysitting all night.  Plus, evening weddings run past kids' bedtimes.

That said, we were only going to allow my niece (who is our "flower girl"), and FI's second cousins (they are both under 2, his cousin has to breastfeed one, and they're from CA) to attend our wedding.

We now have 3 guests that have added their children to their RSVPs.  Two of the children are teenagers who can take care of themselves, but one is my 2nd cousin who is living with my aunt & uncle OOT.  Ok, fine, he's related to me, and my aunt actually was really nice about it.  The other teenager is FI's softball coach's daughter, who I do NOT think should come.  And the last is FI's friend's 4 year old daughter, who FI is trying to guilt-trip me into allowing because they will have trouble finding a babysitter for her.

Where do I draw the line???  I feel kind of bad about the 4 year old, so I'm almost willing to bend on that one.  But I feel like we can't allow her to come but not the 14 year old.  Sorry, this is really long.  =(
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Re: Children at Weddings

  • edited December 2011
    My rule was that they had to be related to me or a bridal party member's child.  It actually worked out that I'm having 1 child (my nephew) and 2 teenagers (2nd cousins coming from Mass.)  Most of my Seattle friends don't have children so it wasn't really an issue.  I probably would have bent my rule if some unrelated OOT guests were planning on coming with the whole family on vacation.  As it turns out band camp and a family wedding kept that from being an issue.

    It is really tough, but all I can say is have some rhyme or reason for how you draw the line so that people understand your reasoning.  GL!
  • amandaswamandasw member
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    That's really tricky.  I didn't invite (or allow when people put them on the RSVP) children except the ring bearers.  I think the biggest thing is that unless it's really obvious why (like they are in the wedding or everyone knows they're OOT) you have to be consistent.  If I were a parent I'd love the excuse to leave the kids, but you don't want someone showing up going "hey, I was told I couldn't bring my kid but I see 5 other kids of different ages here without clear reasons why." (ie pick an age, no one under 18 etc)  If you don't mind them being upset, then do whatever you feel like (which I would be tempted to do), but just keep in mind how the people you say "no" to will feel.  Sorry, I hate this stuff!
  • melissa82melissa82 member
    2500 Comments 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    You've got to make a rule and stick to it. It's the only fair way to avoid hurt feelings and keep things from spiraling out of control.

    I would do WP only, but I see the point about OOT people so maybe WP and OOT only. Softball coach's kid is a definite no, as would be the 4 yo. They have almost 2 MONTHS to find a sitter--can't find a sitter excuse is complete BS. Direct them to sittercity.com.
  • edited December 2011
    Melissa82 - thanks for that babysitter website!!  I need to find a sitter for my 9 month old nephew.  I need someone to be at the hotel during the ceremony/reception so that my sister can enjoy herself, but my nephew can be close by.  I have asked a friend to recommend someone, but she seems to be struggling with giving me a name.  It's good to have a back-up!
  • edited December 2011
    i agree with pp, they have to be related. thats our rule.. except ours is they have to be related and be our niece or nephew.
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  • edited December 2011
    I agree with Amanda.  You'll have to find the line and be consistent and it's easier to uphold the "no children" thing if the only kids who will be there are in the wedding or are close family.  OOT is borderline, but softball coach's daughter and 4 year old friend's daugther I would say no to.  Otherwise you'll have to open it up.  FWIW, if there aren't any other teens at the wedding, that might help with saying no to the softball coach's daugther - I know if I was the only teen at a wedding I'd feel really awkward and hate it, but maybe that's just me?
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  • edited December 2011
    Yup draw the line. You have to do all or none. I had this same issue. It was so frustrating. It really sucked. I had to tell one of my BM that there were going to be no kids there when she RSVP'd with her two year old. I told her it was still okay to bring him, but I wanted to give her a heads up. But then after going through all that my cousin shows up with her newborn! Didn't list it on the RSVP and was the only person under 18. Urgh.
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  • dreamwindsdreamwinds member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    We're technically not allowing children, but with so many out of town guests it's inevitable so we're providing a few babysitters during the ceremony and reception to watch over them.
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  • apnk2005apnk2005 member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Do you have the money in your budget to pay for a sitter to watch the 4 year old, maybe as well as your nephew at the hotel?  Sometimes "can't find a babysitter"="can't afford a babysitter", especially for five, six hours that a wedding can be (especially with the travel to/from).
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