Washington-Seattle

What would you do?

I'll try to make this short and simple. My dad passed away over 3 years ago and I only have 1 set of divorced grandparents. Both my grandparents are pretty ok financially but the economy has hurt their band accounts. Awhile ago my g-pa said he wanted to contribute $5K to the wedding (I think because my mom won't and can't help AT ALL and to help since my dad is no longer here.) So recently I mentioned to my mom we have all these payments due and she mentioned that to my g-pa who said he knows he promised $5K but that is really immpossible right now. He is trying to remodel and sell his house. His mortgage alone is $5K a month but in this market he can't sell:( So he gives my mom a $2,500 check today to give to me and I have no idea what to do. Especially since he mentioned to my mom it's borrowed money (whatever that means-I'm guessing his loan for remodeling).

So we really don't want to take it but I feel like us taking some who make him feel better. I know he feels guilty he can't help more, but it's not his job/responsibility. I'm not sure we could get away with not taking anything. I don't think he'd like that even more.

At this point we really need the money since I am not working after the move, FI isn't 100% finished with school so he hasn't started his job, and everyone only wants cash payments from us.
So what would you do?

Re: What would you do?

  • edited December 2011
    how do you know his finances so well?

    i just feel like people don't usually offer that much money unless they plan to give it to you and have it..

    i know that times are hard but that doesn't mean that he can't afford it...

    maybe i'm a mean hearted b!tch but i'd cash the check.
    BabyFruit Ticker BabyFetus Ticker we're having twins!
  • edited December 2011
    I think I would take the money as it is a "gift" but then not expect the other 2500.  Are you able to afford the rest of the wedding ok, or will you have to take out loans?  work while being in school?  are there things you can cut down?  looks like your wedding is coming up!  perhaps postpone the honeymoon, and just take a weekend trip to the san juans, eastern wa wineries, or canada, some place closeby.
  • melissa82melissa82 member
    2500 Comments 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    I would let him know that I received the check and appreciate it so much, but that I didn't feel right about cashing it because I know he needs the money for renovating. Then let him respond and go from there. If he absolutely insists and convinces you it's OK, then go ahead and use it. But I'd at least give him the out...from the story, it kinda sounds like he felt pressure from mom (which she may not have meant) and gave her the check, but then let her know he didn't really have the money.
  • amandaswamandasw member
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I agree with melissa. The only one I absolutely wouldn't do is the last one because you should at least tell him whether or not you'll cash it - I'm a stickler with my checkbook and it bugs me if it's off :)  Otherwise, I'd talk to him and find out how he's doing and feels about it.
  • edited December 2011
    I guess I have not a similar experience, but understand your feelings about the money. My parents are contributing quite a bit to our wedding and it's actually a loan my dad is taking from some kind of savings fund he has established... I dunno.

    Anyway, I feel pretty torn about taking the money, but had a pretty frank conversation with my mom about it. She insists that it is not a hardship for my parents (even though I think it is) because they want this day to be exactly what I want it to be. I'm sure your grandfather probably feels the same way.

    My advice? Plan to cash it, but have an honest conversation with him and let him know how much you truly appreciate it.
    Anniversary
  • jennuinnejennuinne member
    Seventh Anniversary 1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Its complicated and depends on your familiy...you know him better than we do.  Did he expect for your mom to tell you about his financial situation?  If you weren't supposed to know the details, I'd cash it, say thank you and not expect more.  If he knows you know, I would tell him you don't want to take the money if it is a hardship for him and see how he responds.  I'm sure he feels guilty and wants to help and he may or may not want you to worry about his financial situation.

    BabyFruit Ticker
  • AC0717AC0717 member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Ok, so I marked not to take it and I kind of want to explain a little. Now 90% of our wedding is being paid for by FI and myself, lots of saving. Both sets of parents said they would contribute, and my parents did upfront. But my FI parents didn't until later - but I never allocated those funds until they were in my hand. Just in case something happened.

    Now I realize every situation is different, and I am by no means placing blame on anyone...I just think I wouldn't cash it knowing it was a hardship...I would feel guilty.

    I really hope that doesn't sound super harsh, that is just my experience and opinion. It is hard for me to take money in general, I can't imagine doing so knowing upfront they were 100% able to.

    Your situation is very tough though. I agree with some of the other girls, perhaps talking to him might be best. That way you both can feel good going into the wedding. If he assures you he is totally fine giving you $2500 then you can feel better, if he expresses concern...then move from there. Not talking about it will probably just bother you.

    Good luck, not fun to deal with so close to the date.
  • edited December 2011
    Thanks girls! I think I will get the check from my mom tomorrow and call him, tell him it is unnecessary and not expected, and that we can get by without it. Depending on what he says I will probably just say we would be thrilled with the $2500 (and not more and no gift for the wedding-as that is the most generous gift). FI is also torn. My grandpa also came up with $2500 on his own which makes me think he would be happy to give that and most comfortable with that amount.

    jennuine- I'm sure he did not want my mom to say anything but he wanted her to know that $2,500 is hard/doable but the original $5k is too difficult right now.

    Thanks! :)
  • AC0717AC0717 member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    That sounds like a good plan. You'll feel so much better in the end. Good luck, I hope it all works out for the best!
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