Just sent the invites - and now may need to postpone the wedding

stwoll

We just sent out the invites on Wednesday. It was such a relief and such a huge step. And then on Friday I find out he's been lying to me about something, and now I'm not sure what to do. I believe I will be able to trust him again at some point. But I don't know if I'm going to feel that in just over 2 months. But postponing the wedding would lose thousands of dollars and be so humiliating. I don't know what to do. How can I know what's right?

KST_

Do you have a counselor or therapist you see? Or are you a member of a church and have a minister/priest/pastor you could go talk to? Without knowing what he's been lying about (I understand if you're not comfortable posting that here), it's hard to give any better advice.

sarack

oh my goodness. i wouldn't make any decisions right this second. i would get into counselling asap. what has he been lying about? cheating?? sorry to pry but i think you need to sort things out, and quickly. decide one way or another.. thousands of dollars isn't anything compared to a lifetime of unhappiness... i'd try to figure things out.

trishaselby

I'm so sorry. That must be hard. I agree with pp. Take some time talk about it and maybe see someone before you tell anyone or make any rash decisions. Goodn luck! We are here for you.

melissa82

If he lied about something so serious as to make you question the wedding, I'd postpone it. It's not fair to give yourself such a short timeframe to get over it. Give yourself the time you need to come to the right decision.

As humiliating as it feels, I can tell you that most people will feel for you, not laugh at your troubles. You have to do what's best for you. I know two people who called off their weddings--one is now happily married to the same guy having worked out their problems, and the other is happily now engaged to someone else. Both say they did the right thing. :::Good luck to you:::

Tygirljojo

I'm so sorry.  I don't really have anything else to suggest - PPs all gave great advice.  Definitely talk to a therapist or pastor and don't make any decisions quite yet.  And as Melissa mentioned, if he did something so big that makes you question marrying him, do not try to force yourself into "forgiving" him just so you can save a few thousand dollars.  You want to make sure the deicision you go with either way is right for you.  Good luck and we definitely are here for you. *hugs*

KST_

Agreed! I had a friend who's fiance all of a sudden got severe cold feet and called off the wedding and broke up with her about 2 months before. (At least monetarily, happily they were only doing a small backyard shindig for less than 50.) FI and I went and helped her move to a place of her own. However...he came around and realized he had just freaked, worked through his issue, and the got married less than a year later. Was it embarrassing to tell people their wedding was off? Sure, but you know what? All we could feel was sympathy for them and love, no mocking. It worked out for them and they're happy now, but who knows if they would have been happy if they had just "sucked it up" and went through with it anyway. It's more important to take your marriage vows seriously and confidently than several thousand dollars. If more people asked the question you're asking now when something that serious comes along, rather than just giving up and plowing through because it's been planned, we'd probably have less divorce. (My parents were the plow through part, bad choice. Bad marriage, hideous divorce!) So take the time you need! *hugs*

jennlin

ditto melissa~ hopefully you will be getting more support, than humiliation.

kristend72

I know this one is a bit older and I hope you've been doing alright and have been working through this but - both of my sisters got married when they knew before the wedding that they shouldn't do it. I'm not saying that you shouldn't marry this person but that in the long run, dealing with some temporary embarrassment and losing a bit of money now totally, hands down, beats years of pain and the cost of ending a marriage. I don't know your situation so I'm not saying that what he has done is necessarily so bad that you should call the whole thing off - I'm just saying that there is zero shame in postponing or calling it off. 

The people who love you will love you no matter what and they all just want you to be happy. Try counseling and then do what you know is right in the long run.