Stupid Stupid Stupid!

meggles114

UHHHHGGGGGG.... FI has this "friend" that has despised me before she even met me... she has been in and out of FI's life over the past 5 years we have been together.  She has never approved of our relationship and thinks I'm a terrible person or something.

FI and I have gotten into many fights/arguements about her over the years.  She has shown me that she is NOT a nice person, and not a true friend to FI.

FI hadn't really talked to her or seen her for over a year, and I just found out that he went and hung out w/ her and her new BF the other day.  Now all of a sudden she is cool with everything and according to FI, "We'll be totally fine to invite her to the wedding!"   Uhhhggg kill me now.  

This may sound selfish, but I do not want her at our wedding!  She gives me this anxious, heartracing, bad feeling everytime I think about ever having to see her.  There have been jokes w/ me and my MOH that if she were there she would be the one to object the wedding at the begining of the ceremony... lol.   Besides, our wedding is supposed to be a celebration of US being TOGETHER!

For years I've been telling FI that he needs to invite her over. We can try to start over again on the right foot this time.  I am not an evil grudge keeping biotch, I want to be able to stand her presence and even hang out w/ her if she really is that important of a friend to FI.  I told FI that this offer still stands... guess we'll see what happens!  Until then, my MOH will entertain me with funny text messages regarding said person. :-D

BrightFirefly

I've been on EVERY side of this.

And I totally feel your pain.

If she really is that important to FI - and you can grin and bear it - maybe it's worthwhile to invite her (or at the very least - try to "start over on the right foot").

But if she makes you feel that bad - which you've indicated she does - I'd hold your ground about the wedding. I can't imagine having to stare at someone that I dislike all night.

Madisonpenny

Reading this post I immediately thought jealousy... on her part.  From what you said it sounds like, at least in the beginning, she was really jealous that Fi was with you and not her.
It could be that now that you and Fi are engaged it's hitting home that you guys are really serious and she doesn't stand a chance so she's accepting that the best she can have is his friendship.
I think it's really big of you to be willing to at least still give her a chance in spite of her past actions towards you and are willing to try to have some sort off friendship or at least be civil with her for FI's sake.
I don't blame you though for having reservations about inviting her to the wedding. Have you told your FI about your concerns of inviting her? If nothing else would you be able to only invite her only to the reception afterwards?

meggles114

There definitely is/was a jealousy issue on her part! I could go on and on with the while story, but will spare you all! Lol I haven't actually seen her in probably 2 or 3 years, and I don't want to feel the anxiety and stress I normally feel when I'm around her on my wedding day! So I'm basically going to let FI know that we have to be on better terms before I even think about sending her an invite! If not, I just don't feel comfortable having her at the wedding. I feel bad, because I don't want to upset Fi about it and the wedding isn't just my day, it's his too. She's just so unbearable! Unless she's finally changed and realized that it takes much more effort to hate someone than it does to like them. Sadly, as long as this has been going ok, I kind of doubt it. :-/

ajmom2two

Ugh!  That sucks!  I would do exactly what you are saying and give her a chance but if things arent better then do NOT invite her to the wedding.  You should be surrounded by people who love you and make you happy for you wedding!  Hugs!

michelle11988

That totally stinks that this is going on.  I would definitely think that if you aren't at least friendly with her by invite time she doesn't get one.  Tell FI to invite them over for dinner or go out one night with them to get to know her better.  Best of luck!

BmoreBride311

I can completely relate to your situation! My FI has always had a lot of female friends, and there is one in particular that always disliked me and I swear it was only b/c she had a thing for my FI. She has always been cold towards me and told him nasty things about me, especially during the time FI and I took a break from dating for 6 months. Now, she tries to act like we're cool, but she never apologized for the things she did. FI wants me to be her friend, but I honestly don't feel like having a friend like that in my life.

So basically, I tolerate her existance but that's it. She's invited to the wedding b/c FI wants her there, and I'll be pleasant around her, but I don't see us ever being friends. It annoys me that she's been like this, b/c it's only putting distance between her friendship with my FI.

LADY324

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_july-2012-weddings_stupid-stupid-stupid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:066005ef-215f-48b1-8655-328b41e07c52Discussion:4c99a187-715d-4dac-8d38-645a084cb999Post:91ff12ca-ede5-4802-9f89-9970ebf70dcb">Re: Stupid Stupid Stupid!</a>:
[QUOTE]Reading this post I immediately thought jealousy... on her part.  From what you said it sounds like, at least in the beginning, she was really jealous that Fi was with you and not her. It could be that now that you and Fi are engaged it's hitting home that you guys are really serious and she doesn't stand a chance so she's accepting that the best she can have is his friendship. I think it's really big of you to be willing to at least still give her a chance in spite of her past actions towards you and are willing to try to have some sort off friendship or at least be civil with her for FI's sake. I don't blame you though for having reservations about inviting her to the wedding. Have you told your FI about your concerns of inviting her? If nothing else would you be able to only invite her only to the reception afterwards?
Posted by Madisonpenny[/QUOTE]

I agree with this!

meggles114

I talked w/ FI last night about it when he got home from work.  (We pretty much work opposite schedules, so we will often go days without see each other conscious!, lol)

He said he is going to invite her and her new bf to come over one night soon.  She supposedly was asking him how everything was going and how I was, was he excited about the wedding, etc.  Which is already a big step ahead, as in the past if FI even mentioned my name while hanging out w/ her she'd make nasty faces or make rude comments.  FI said she even seemed excited about the idea of coming to the wedding-- which is huge. 

Maybe she has finally grown up some?  I don't ever expect to get any type of apology from her,  It would be nice to actually be able to see that she is happy for FI.  I expressed to FI that I NEED to experience this "new" side of her in person myself well before invite sending time.  There is just no other way I'm going to be able to kick the anger/blood boiling/anxious feelings I have about her until that happens.

k8888

Meggles, what is it about this girl that FI insists on still remaining friends with her?  This just sounds so odd to me... maybe it's because I don't know the whole background and whatnot.

bells24412

I commend you on trying to work things out with her.
Maybe after you spend some time with her and "start over" she will be different and be happy for you guys.  There is always hoping!

I have been in your situation except I didn't want or gave the girl the time of day because she was always trying to break me and my FI up. I did the worse thing possible and had him choose because it was causing that many problems between us.

I hope things work out for you!!

BmoreBride311

@ Meggles, so did you agree to hang out with her and her new BF? If you do, keep us posted after the fact and good luck! Hopefully she has changed (maybe getting her own BF has helped )

LADY324

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_july-2012-weddings_stupid-stupid-stupid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:066005ef-215f-48b1-8655-328b41e07c52Discussion:4c99a187-715d-4dac-8d38-645a084cb999Post:843f022c-4929-4569-b45b-0403bb87e7d2">Re: Stupid Stupid Stupid!</a>:
[QUOTE]Meggles, what is it about this girl that FI insists on still remaining friends with her?  This just sounds so odd to me... maybe it's because I don't know the whole background and whatnot.
Posted by k8888[/QUOTE]

I agree why would FI want to remain friends with someone who treats you so porely?  Also do you think she is only happy now b/c she has found someone?  Suppose they break up and then she goes back to her jealous ways?

My ex had a friend who was super jealous of me.  They were bestfriends I think me and her hung out twice.  She had a major crush on my BF.  I used to get so worked up about it.  But she was gross and not pretty at all so I never felt threatened by her.  I honestly think my BF was just friends with her b/c she used to give him free weed in college lol.

mekiakoo

You are actually a better person than I am. I'd rather to not waste my time thinking about that girl and I'd not have her invited if she was not that important to my FI. I just find it easier to focus on things that make us happy rather than spending my energy on something negative.

Let us know how it goes. Hopefully everything will turn out okay! 

meggles114

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_july-2012-weddings_stupid-stupid-stupid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:066005ef-215f-48b1-8655-328b41e07c52Discussion:4c99a187-715d-4dac-8d38-645a084cb999Post:331cd980-687c-4e38-a905-35a3644d7e05">Re: Stupid Stupid Stupid!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Stupid Stupid Stupid! : I agree why would FI want to remain friends with someone who treats you so porely?  Also do you think she is only happy now b/c she has found someone?  Suppose they break up and then she goes back to her jealous ways? My ex had a friend who was super jealous of me.  They were bestfriends I think me and her hung out twice.  She had a major crush on my BF.  I used to get so worked up about it.  But she was gross and not pretty at all so I never felt threatened by her.  I honestly think my BF was just friends with her b/c she used to give him free weed in college lol.
Posted by LADY324[/QUOTE]



Haha! This exactly! Wonder if we are talking about the same girl! She does live in NJ too!

And yes I agreed to her coming over, it was actually my idea. Hoping she has finally gotten over the whole thing and we can just move on already!

Carla1019

I think it is a good idea you are inviting her over before the wedding, if there is any funny business going on your gut will tell you.

My concern is if you weren't comfortable and you told FI she can't come to the wedding, would he respect your wishes or insist she must be invited??