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Re: Are you a Christian Bride having a Christian/Hindu wedding?

Re: Re: Are you a Christian Bride having a Christian/Hindu wedding?

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    edited December 2011
    I'm not devoutly Christian, nor is my mother, but my fiance is also Indian (born and raised in Canada) and we're doing a Hindu ceremony. For me, it was the ring exchange that I always considered essential to a 'wedding', and so we're incorporating only that aspect of a 'wedding' as many know it into the Hindu ceremony. We're not saying the "I do" part, but rather I think the part about how a ring represents unity and that sort of thing, with maybe a few personal sentences as a vow. I've learned over the past few months that Hindu ceremonies are quite fluid (at least, for his family it seems to be) and no one had any problem adding that part in.

    Is there a real problem with you both feeling like you're "married" after the Chuch ceremony? It's understandable, given your backgrounds, and it's not like you have to tell anyone (i.e. his parents) that. I think his family would be happy that you're including the Hindu ceremony (my future in-laws anticipated an argument over what type of ceremony, so they're happy it's mainly Hindu with some other elements), and probably won't ask you two when the exact moment was you felt you were 'married'.

    I don't know if that helped at all.

    Best of luck!
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    Mellie1237Mellie1237 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011

    I am going through this as well, as a Christian bride to be. I just wanted to send my support to you and tell you that you are not alone. I have no idea how we are going to work everything in, either. All I know is that we will likely need to have two ceremonies to make all the family members happy. Which is okay with me. My goal is to make the reception a real MIX of both cultures just like our marriage will be. I don't know if it really matter when the exact second that you feel married, does it? I guess my question was, what if the ceremonies are on different days? Which night is the wedding night?
    Anyway best of you luck to you both and your fiance's. I know your weddings will be beautiful and joyous now matter how it turns out!!!!

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    edited December 2011

    Thanks to both of you!  It's good to get opinions of those who are in similar situations.  It's definetely a unique situation and not the "typical" wedding day that I always dreamed of.  But it will all work out. Best of luck to all!

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    Mellie1237Mellie1237 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Hey I just noticed on your profile that you having your wedding in Pittsburgh? I used to live there and still visit frequently! There are several big Hindu temples in Pittsburgh in Monroeville. I've been to weddings there and they were very beautiful. They have weddings there allll the time, so if you contact the Temple they may be able to help you with vendors. Not sure if you already know this but...

    The SV Temple is the one that seems to be the most famous. People drive there from all over the country. There is also a Hindu/Jain temple that is very nice. I'd ask your fiance which one he most identifies with. I'm trying to learn about all the cultural details myself.

    Anyway keep posting because I'm learning from your experience! Good Luck!
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    edited December 2011
    I am an Indian Sikh and married a Southern Baptist.  At first, we were trying to do an interfaith ceremony - but we ended up doing 2 separate ceremonies on 2 separate days because my parents did not want us modifying the Sikh ceremony at all. Both were special to me and I felt "married" at both - the important thing is the person you are with!  That being said, it's nice getting married in the way you've always identified with - for me it was the dress.  I had always pictured the vivid Indian colors instead of the white.  So do what's important to you..if it's the clothes, the rings, etc and re-focus your energy on making the ceremony your own.  It will be unique no matter what!  And it will be special no matter what you choose to do!  good luck!
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    miss l2bmiss l2b member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I'm a hindu bride, and my fiance is Catholic. We are in the early stages of planning, but it is getting very overwhelming. At first, we were thinking of doing both the Hindu and Catholic ceremony on the same day followed by a reception. Now, we are planning to do the Hindu ceremony on Friday night, and the Catholic ceremony on Saturday followed by the reception.

    However, we are running into budget issues since we now feel like we have to provide two dinners. Since its Friday evening, we feel like we need to have a dinner afterwards at the temple. Its getting very complicated!! Especially in terms of keeping costs down.

    Any suggestions?
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    edited December 2011
    We are doing both ceremonies in one day and providing both lunch and dinner.  Since the lunch is very casual the cost per person will only be around $10-15.  And probably only half of the people will attend the luncheon.  This is our timeline:

    1:00-2:15 Indian Food Lunceon at Church
    2:30 Church Ceremony
    6:00 Shortened Hindu Ceremony
    7:00 Reception Begins.

    Believe me...we struggled for so long with the timing.  It's so very complicated. But my advice is to decide what is most important to you and spend the money on that.  For us it was the reception.  Neither of us are practicing Hindus and so we are doing the Hindu cermony for the groom's parents sake and to add Cultural Flair.  And for the Indian lunch it is just an added bonus for our guests since they will be joining us for such a long day!
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    miss l2bmiss l2b member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Oh that's really interesting.
    When I thought of having both ceremonies on the same day, I thought of having the hindu ceremony late morning followed by lunch, catholic cermony followed by reception.

    However, this requires 3 locations and a lot of driving for us and our guests.

    Will you be using three locations too? Or having the shortened Hindu ceremony at the same location as your reception?

    I think the reception is most important to my fiance and I as well... its just making the sure the ceremonies get equal attention too.
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    edited December 2011
    Hi! I am newly engaged and my fiance and I are running into similar problems. We are unsure of whether or not to do the ceremonies on two seperate days (Friday and Saturday) or all on the same day. I want to do a Hindu ceremony (shortened) and he wants to do a small outdoor Christian service. I think that doing everything in one day would be ideal however I wonder whether or not the guests would be tired by the time the reception rolled around. Also, if the bride plans on wearing the traditional sari that requires possibly changing into the bridal gown (if you choose to wear one) at some point in the day which could take some time.
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    setusetu member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Hi, I love that I found this thread. I was raised Hindu and am marrying a Christian man. Respecting both faiths is very important to us. We are having both ceremonies (shortened Hindu ceremony) on the same day and everything is in the same location (which definitely cuts down on costs and the aggravation to guests of having to drive all over town), luckily our venue has 3 different areas to have all of our ceremonies so it has the feel of being in different locations and all of the pics will be varied. (FYI my cousin is marrying a Jewish guy in just a couple months having both ceremonies on the same day too!)

    2:30-3:45pm Hindu ceremony
    3:45-4:30pm bride/groom and bridal party change, guests have light refreshments in courtyard
    4:30-5 Christian ceremony
    5-5:30 cocktail reception with light refreshments for guests (bridal party will take pics in the white gown/tuxes - we are taking pics in the Indian garments prior to the Hindu ceremony...forget the whole don't see the bride traditions, it just make sense!)
    5:30-7 dinner/cake cutting/toasts etc etc
    7-10 dancing

    Can't wait! This is really long...sorry!
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    miss l2bmiss l2b member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Thats so lucky that you are able to have all three events at the same venue!! We are running into a problem since my parent prefer having the Hindu ceremony at a temple, his family prefers having the Catholic ceremony at a church and we are looking for a really unique reception hall. It ends up being  ALOT of driving and too much to ask of our guests I think.

    Somebody has to give a little so that at least one ceremony can be at the same location as the reception. But I don't know if that will work... 

    I feel like things will go so smoothly, but figuring this out seems to be taking forever!!
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    edited December 2011
    To answer your question:  we have 2 locations.  Church first.  Then the shortened Hindu ceremony will be at the same location as the reception.  And yes, I'm changing BACK into my white wedding gown for the reception.  I've found it most important to speak up about what's important to the both of you...the Bride and Groom.  Parents are always going to have their wishes and their say in how your wedding should be.  But it's best to be open and honest about your wishes.  If running around between all 3 locations is too much than just decide who will have to compromise.  I know....it's not easy! 
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    setusetu member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    luckily there is a chapel on site at our venue, which is why it has worked out so we do it have it all in the same location. Any thoughts on splitting the ceremonies up so they are not on the same day? I think 3 locations is a bit much, 2 would be more acceptable for guests - and it is something they are all used to...or maybe find a temple and a church near to each other? It is definitely not easy trying to balance the different cultures, and more importantly religions and trying to make it work. It is a lot of patience and compromise.
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    edited December 2011
    I am a Christian (more lapsed really) bride and my husband to be is Hindu.  It was a struggle for us as well to decide how our ceremony would work, especially with budget considerations.  Our final decision has been to combine the important parts of each tradition into our own unique ceremony.  We figured if we were going to be spending our lives together combining our beliefs, this would be a good place to start. 

    For me it was important that I wear the white dress, write my own vows, and exchange the rings.

    For him, it was important to do the 7 steps and the fire as well as the exchanging of the garland.

    We worked with both our families to create a timeline and flow to make it all work.
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    edited December 2011
    These are all such great ideas. Im Christian and I was just engaged on Saturday, my fiance is Hindu. In my case, Ive always since a young girl wanted an Indian wedding. Partly because my dad had a good sikh Indian friend and we learned a lot about that culture. So I dont want to regret not wearing a white dress, offend any of my christian family and friends, or sell out on my culture.  I really want all the Indian festivites, Mehndi night, Garba/Sangeet, and the Hindu ceremony in the red dress.
    However, I have no idea how I would be able to integrate a christian ceremony as well. I want to be married outdoors and I think we will probably combine both traditions into one ceremony because I think my guests , including myself would be exhausted by 3pm. And we want a reception until 2am.
    Happy to be Engaged
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    rkmoore80rkmoore80 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I came here to ask the same question.  My situation actually sounds similar to katie.daly's.  My fiancee is Indian and I'm atheist so we are trying to plan a fusion Hindu/Western style but nonreligious ceremony.  We have an idea of a program for the ceremony that we and our respective parents think nicely represents both cultures.  The problem is we are having difficulty finding an officiant who will perform a joint ceremony the way we would like.  We thought of just getting a JP, but his parents are insistent that a Brahmin perform the Indian parts of the ceremony.  Unfortunately, to all of the Pandits we've spoken to, an intercultural ceremony means they'll do a full-blown Hindu ceremony and then we'll go off and do a seperate Western ceremony.  (We have been letting them know that we will get a JP or other person to handle the Western parts of the ceremony we had in mind if they are not comfortable doing it themselves.)  Does anyone have any advice on how to handle this?  We don't want to have seperate ceremonies...our marriage is about combining the two cultures, not separating them, and we want the ceremony to reflect that.
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    kparsadkparsad member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I am having the same issue!  I am Hindu and my fiance is not really religious, so we want to have a fusion ceremony but are worried that a Hindu pundit will not be open to combining the elements of each ceremony into one joint ceremony.  Does anyone have suggestions as to where to find an officiant for such a ceremony??
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    deppers1014deppers1014 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011

    I'm Christian and my fiance is Hindu...after alot of debate here is the timeline we figured out:
    5:30pm guests arrive
    6-6:30 a short Indian wedding
    6:30-7:30 cocktails and apps
    7:30-8:00 American wedding
    8:00-9:00 Buffet dinner including both Indian and American food
    9:00-12 cake, dancing, etc...

    This works for us because we found a great venue where we can have everything under one roof.  It will definitely be action packed and a little chaotic but should be a night to remember:)

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    yoginileslieyoginileslie member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I would be very interested in seeing how exactly you made the interfaith ceremony flow.  I am a Unitarian bride and my fiancee is Hindu (although does not really know the traditions of a Hindu ceremony).  We would like to combine certain aspects from each type of wedding and keep the ceremony under an hour, but I'm not entirely sure which aspects to choose and how it will all flow together.  I plan on wearing a white dress with Indian wedding jewelry, Mendhi on my hands and feet, and perhaps a sheer, red, Indian wedding scarf instead of a veil.  He most likely, knowing him, will wear a tux.  As of now, I'm having a hard time really imagining what we will do in terms of the exact layout of the ceremony.  Any advice on flow of combined ceremonies would be greatly appreciated.
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    yoginileslieyoginileslie member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I know some Unitarian ministers have done interfaith ceremonies and actually read Sanskrit and do the blessings and everything.  Some come from different backgrounds, and may still feel ties to the Hindu traditions, so therefore already are combining the two.  I did want to have two officiants (a Unitarian minister and a Hindu priest) step in for different parts of the wedding, but after reading what some others have said regarding not being able to find a Hindu priest that will combine the two types of weddings, I'm wondering how this will all work out...
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    edited December 2011
    Hi, i'm a Christian bride marrying a hindu. Our program was pretty complicated too since we are doing both ceremonies.
    So we decided:
     a 2pm church wedding,
    3-4 pics,
    4-5 change to indian clothes,
    5-6 indian ceremony,
    6-7 cocktail hour for guests  (we may be changing to more comfortable recpetion clothes) and then reception.

    Our indian ceremony and reception are at the same place. It is pretty pressed for time though. I'm really superstitious so we are not doing our pics until after the church ceremony (so he doesn't see me in the dress) But the bridal party and I are taking pics before so that we save time on pics together later. But this way all families are happy. good luck, make sure to add your own touches so that you're not just doing what everyone else wants. Have fun!
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    edited December 2011
    I am Christian and my boyfriend is Hindu......This is how I am planning our wedding to work.....First we are having the Hindu ceremony with a time limit of 45 minutes, anything over that will bore the guest to death and that way I will wear a sari, and do his thing....Next I am going to have a coctail hour or half hour to entertain the guest to get up, mingle, and to have a few drinks to enjoy themselves will I change and get ready for the next ceremony....Then we will be having the  Christian ceremony that we all know last like 15 minutes if that wearing a wedding dress which i what I want.....Im going to also add some Indian colors into my ceremony and bridesmaid dresses.....I plan on using a deep yellow color for my bridesmaids dresses with different colored bangles....and at the reception I am going to just do creams and black with some accents of different colors. Hope this helps~!!! :)
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    kpwedkkkpwedkk member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I go to an all religions temple / Hindu from the Caribbean, and my DH is Hindu.  My ancestory leads me to be related to the North Indians and my DH is from Southern India.

    We did a traditional Indian / Vedic Wedding with guest participation through motions, songs, and chanting.  It was followed by a lunch, and a break for the guests to freshen up, see the town, and come back for the reception for loads of fun and dancing. 

    I didn't have an American wedding, so bridesmaids, and groomsmen were out of the picture.  I had my brothers walk me down the aisle, and my parents' give me away.

    Colors for the wedding / reception were burgundy/maroon and gold.  You can see a lot of pictures here, or here.

    Hope this helps!

    "The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched, they must be felt with the heart." ~ Miss K ~
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