Kissing at the wedding

wdc*bride

So I am curious if y'all have discussed with your FIs the level of PDAs that you can/will do, at both the ceremony and the reception.We are not doing a "kiss the bride" moment in ceremony, as per our officiant's instructions.   But that I could understand ultimately, especially since it's just not a part of the ceremony.What I'm not sure I understand is FI's insistence that at no point during the reception should we ever kiss, not even on the cheeks.  He says it will be okay to hold hands and for him to put his hand on my back and such, but that is it.  I'm obviously really disappointed about this.  It will be (I imagine) the most romantic, love-y night of my life, and I'm not supposed to display that?  I can't even have him kiss my cheek at the end of our first dance?I'm curious if others have discussed this?  Is he being ridiculously old-fashioned or is this really the norm even for the second-generation weddings? 

Meghana55

I think it depends on how "old-school" his family is.  DH and I never really discussed it ahead of time.  We had a few younger aunts and uncles say they would clink their champagne glasses and we awkwardly laughed it off. During our photos, the photographers had us kiss  in a bunch of shots and this was fine (albeit slightly uncomfortable for the first few shots, even though we were alone).During the reception, we had a few clinks of the champage glasses and it was awkward but no one really batted an eye.  You're married at that point so it's "allowed" haha.   It really depends how conservative your FI's family is.  Our families weren't super conservative, so while it got a little awkward at times, it was ultimately fine.  In my experience though, I've very rarely seen kissing at SA weddings (whether they were SA/SA or SA/non-SA weddings)Actually, DH and I were at a friend's wedding last night....both the bride and groom were Muslim.  So toward the end of the ceremony the imam asked both of them to join hands and they hesitated, so the imam repeated it and they awkwardly held hands lol (didn't see them kiss at all the whole night)

nilaniluv

Humm, I understand the whole traditional thing to keep it G rated haha but a kiss on the cheek should be fine during the reception. I don't think that will offend anyone personally. I mean I went to some wedding where they kissed and no one was offended....it's basically up to you and your FI and what you are comfortable with.

dublintomadras

We smooched a ton.  We didn't really think about it ahead of time and no one said anything to us about it being improper or anything.  I would say that while there definitely are conservative members of MH's family, the majority of his family members are really not conservative at all, though.I do know that at my husband's cousin's wedding last year, some of the aunts/uncles started clinking the glasses and one of MH's cousins was joking around and saying how scandalous it was.  It sounds like your FI's family is definitely conservative and I imagine that because they are Muslim, they are even more so (right?).  If I were in your shoes, I probably wouldn't try to rock the boat *too* much, but there are certain things that Western-born/raised girls really associate with weddings and I, too, would be upset if I couldn't even peck my husband on the cheek after our first dance.  See if FI will bend just a little bit.  You are doing so many things by the book for the sake of his culture; a little chaste kiss as a nod to your culture isn't a ton to ask!

wdc*bride

Meghana - I laughed at your story because one of the things FI and I discussed was whether he could take my hand to help me up the steps onto the stage at the beginning of the ceremony (our parents are not going to be on stage with us, so I otherwise have no one to help me up).  Sounds like maybe we should check with the Imam on that one, since we won't be married yet at that point!d2m - Well, I get dancing at the reception and, specifically, a first slow dance, which was definitely a compromise to my culture that no one else seems comfortable with.  So I'm trying to figure out how far to press my luck.

katie978

oh wow.  that's a tough one!  Sorry, WDC!  Any room for flexibility on your FI's part?  that's a good point re: the photos, won't you have to have some with you kissing?  and if FI is firm, I say you ask that at least whenever you're away from others (changing between ceremony & reception, taking photos) you get to kiss and snuggle a TON and he can't complain  :)I'm sure we're too PDA for his parents but that would be very hard for me to change ... I know my parents will be kissing and such too!  poor FI's family!  ha ha

dublintomadras

WDC, I didn't realize the dance was a big deal, too.  I'm glad you get that, then, at least!  Katie's suggestions are good re: pictures.  Are you going to have any one-on-one portrait time together?  Can you have a few G-rated kisses then?  I still hope you can have your cheek kiss at the dance, though, too. Can you imagine if your first dance was to something like "Let's Get it On"?  Now THAT would really get the ILs talkin! 

wdc*bride

Ha.  "Let's Get It On" would be so scandalous.  Even more so if we picked it for the last song of the night. ;)We fully intend to sneak out and kiss a bunch, and to kiss for some of the posed pics (since none of the family will be around watching).  FI wants to kiss, too, but he said he's never seen anyone kiss at any SA wedding he's been to.

ESJ'sBride

Discussed- and even though I am the SA one with very reserved family members-  I could care LESS about holding back on kissing my new husband! FI is totally ok with it being from a very affectionate culture in his Latin roots. There's a time and a place to break the mold - and what better timing than a wedding? It's not as if the guests attending are clueless as to what goes on between husband and wife. And he's second generation? So his parents should really be in the loop about how things work these days -right? I agree with other people that if there are places you guys can sneak off to during the reception to have some alone time- go for it. Also try and be along for some pictures that you would want kissing in. GL!

erin&andy

Oh, wdc, I think you've been so good at doing your best to honor his customs.  Even if he "compromised" with a slow dance and music, I think a kiss on the cheek is something else I'd try to get him to compromise on.  It's your wedding day, too and what a sweeter way to say that you're both trying to bridge the gap than with a kiss on the cheek?  It's not a full on kiss, but it's not nothing either.  It's good middle ground.  

ego

I say to hell with tradition. What are they going to say..."oh what a whore...she's kissing her husband!"?  Seriously.  The day after you get married they are going to say...when are you going to make those grandkids?  I'd go for it.  Would be better if your FI initiated it. I'm SA by the way.  We kissed at the end of our ceremony.  The pandit jokingly said something along the lines of "I just married you, so whatever you do now is up to you..."  then we kissed.

Rye's Bread

We kissed...a lot!  There was a collective "OMG" from the Indian (as in just came in for the wedding from India) crowd when we kissed at the catholic ceremony and the hindu ceremony, but whatever.  We kissed a lot at the reception too.  I have no regrets.  We didn't make out and we're married!  We really just can't keep our lips to ourselves when we're around each other.

SwanTheDuck

FI & I haven't discussed it at all - we're both SA & while I don't think either of our families would be scandalized if we kissed during the reception, I think it'd make them uncomfortable and I think FI & I would also be too shy

wdc*bride

Well, it sounds like FI isn't being as silly as I hoped given his family.  I think I'll take your advice and continue suggesting that a few cheek kisses would be sweet.  But I guess ultimately I don't want him to feel uncomfortable, so I probably shouldn't initiate any.