Korean vs Indian

janenamkung

This wedding planning is driving me crazy and it's still over a year away. I'm Korean. My FI is Indian. I'm from Seattle. He's from San Jose. We both live in Sacramento but neither of us want to get married here. My parents want an american/korean wedding in Seattle. His family wants a whole huge Indian wedding in San Jose. We just can't afford it. But more importantly, it feels like it's quickly becoming my culture vs his culture, my family vs his family. I don't want to upset anyone but by doing so, I'm just getting more and more upset to the point that I almost don't want a wedding at all. I would love to have the whole thing up in Seattle, but he has tons of family coming from India and he doesn't think it's right to expect them to travel twice. But then, how can I turn around and tell my family that we expect them to travel but not his? Does anyone have any advice?

nilaniluv

Thats a hard one ....what about an inbetween? Like Mendocino coast where its like upstate California? so its only a few hours drive for both sides and its a beautiful location? You can combine a lot of both of your cultures or have two smaller ceremonies in the same day like a lot of people are doing. I have 3 cultures to mesh into my wedding and we decided that we can't do all three religions (Buddhist, Catholic, Sikh) so we are doing a non-denominational ceremony and then incorporating elements of each culture that are the most important. For the reception maybe you can both change into your traditional clothing? Adding some things like indian food and then korean desserts or korean appetizers ? I am doing favors of treats of all the cultures. Embrace both cultures as they are very important and planning is hard I know.

Rye's Bread

I'm so sorry.  I've been there and it sucks.  It got to the point where I also just wanted to give up and call off the wedding since it quickly turned into a culture war.  The best advice I can give you is to talk about it with just your FI first.  The two of you need to be on the same page as far as expectations for the wedding.  Then you can communicate to both of your parents that this is what you've decided in order to try to please everyone.  I know you don't want to get married in Sacramento, but that might be easiest in order to keep this YOUR wedding and not your parents or his parents (which they will inevitably try to turn it into). And as far as family traveling in from India, while I think it's really nice that they're traveling from far away and you want to consider their feelings, you cannot make your whole wedding about them.  You and your family will start to resent that.  Remember, they know you're not Indian and that you live in a different city so they should be aware of any hardship before they make plans to come to the states.  I kept my Indian relatives in mind but no matter what I did, they weren't happy unless I did things the way they do it in India.  So I gave up and did what DH and I wanted which seemed to please everyone else.  Good luck!

mastistyle

I agree with pp. Talk to FI-and get on the same page. It will be alot easier talking to both families once you both decide what is important to you both. You don't want start off a marriage with negative energy with the families. You can have 2 ceremonies in one day, a non-denominational ceremony, a Korean ceremony one day and an Indian ceremony the next...there are alot of options out there. Check out the SA bio-it will give you a some dual ceremony examples. I am having a simple ceremony-but I still have days where I just want to call it off and elope! (I am telling myself this is normal) Hang in there-and keep us updated.

dublintomadras

Welcome to the SA board!  There are so many girls who have been/are in your position, so you are in good company here.  Definitely check out the South Asian bio for ideas and especially check out knottie Bug76's bio.  She is Korean and her husband is Indian and they had such a beautiful Indian/Korean/American wedding (they did a civil ceremony/western reception with Korean elements and a separate Hindu wedding the next day).  What religion is your family?  http://community.theknot.com/cs/ks/user/default.aspx?username=bug76&NestProfile=0The bio photos are all squishy right now, but here is the post where she links to her professional photos: http://talk.theknot.com/boards/main_frame.aspx?page=showpost.aspx?postid=42063213