South Indian - Malayali Wedding anyone?

aquariogirl

Hi ladies!I need some ideas and information on Malayali Wedding. My FI was born here, first generation, his parents are from Kerala, S. India. They live in the US too. I'm catholic  and do not much about Indian weddings (except for the very useful information in this forum and the very nice help of mastistyle) The wedding date will be chosen by my FI's parents according to their tradition.I won't have a catholic wedding, don't have the budget for 2 weddings and I'm fine with doing an Indian wedding.Among many of the questions I have, is my wedding sari. I saw saris online and this site but when I got to the UTSAV web on South Indian saris I only see what looked like a rectangular piece of cloth, very pretty, but can tell how they wear it. Like it shows here:http://www.utsavsarees.com/pages/sarees.asp?cid=1&type=Wedding&ptype=South%20Indian%20SareesI'm pettite and slim and not very sure how that would work. There are very beautiful saris in that site as well as others. But I can't find south Indian....is it OK to use another region's sari for my wedding????Since I don't have the wedding date or place yet, at least want to have an idea of the sari!and if there's anyone doing a south Indian wedding , or Malayali Hindu please please let me know. Thank you!

Meghana55

Welcome!  I'm not Malayali, but I am South Indian Hindu.  That's cool that you're so on board with just doing a Hindu ceremony!  But if you want to tie in elements of a catholic/american wedding without having to pay for 2 weddings, there are ways you can do that as well! (i.e. wedding bouquet, vows, readings, etc.).  Many of the girls are having mixed weddings and will probably have a ton of ideas on how to incorporate your traditions into the ceremony too!As for the sari - Your best bet is to speak with your FMIL about this.  Traditional sarees vary from region to region, but you were totally correct in going straight for a kanjeevaram (a.k.a Kanchee/Kanchi) silk sari.  Those are about as traditional as you can get for South Indian sarees.  But your FMIL may have something specific in mind, so it's best to speak to her.  And as for being petite and slim, don't worry!  Sarees are generally one size fits all.  The only times it can be a concern is if you're super tall.  Also your FMIL will know exactly how to drape the sari on you.  Again, draping varies from North to South, but generally it's the same across the board.  Aside from going straight to your FMIL, go to google images and do a search for "kanchi sarees" and you'll see a bunch of pictures of how the girls drape their sarees.   Also, here is a pic of me in my sari (traditional kanchi silk sari) for a reference...http://tinyurl.com/lwtkn5 HTH! 

Nicole Krish...

Hi & welcome to the crazy world of planning a wedding in an unfamiliar culture! Like Meg said, you're on the right track with Kanchi saris. My planning bio has mine in it. I was 5'4" & 110 lbs. at the wedding, and the sari was no prob for me. They are one size fits all, and your FMIL or sari draper will know how to pleat it & fit it properly so that you're not drowning in fabric. I know a few of us non-Indian girls marrying South Indian boys were disappointed to see that we wouldn't have the blingy saris that we'd seen on TV & online, but you will definitely grow to LOVE the kanchi silk & its intricacies. It's truly beautiful and (I think) the only kind of sari I'd want to wear for my wedding. Finally, if your ILs are being super traditional in selecting the date, I'm nearly 100% certain that they will be traditional in gifting you your wedding sari. They may already have one set aside for their son's future bride. So I would say hold off on any shopping for now. And know that you will likely be getting a more subtle sari than you may have originally had your heart set on. But it will be amazingly beautiful! (As a side note, when DH & I were shopping in Pune & Mumbai, we carried around my Kanchi sari in a bookbag in order to look for a matching petticoat & blouse. When we pulled it out in a VERY fancy North Indian sari shop, all the workers cam RUSHING over to see it & touch it. They began handling it like it was a treasure & wrapped it up better than we had been carrying it around & told us how amazing & beautiful Kanchi silk is. Their admiration gave me a better appreciation for it!) If you click on the planning bio & scan through the list, there are sooo many South Indian weddings listed. I used to think I was the ONLY one around, but Meghana, dublintomadras, velveena, and many others have all had very successful & beautiful South Indian weddings! GL!!!

wdc*bride

My FI is Malayali, too.  (I'm white .  I was also disappointed at first to hear that I could not be wearing a bling-y lehenga for the wedding as I had envisioned, but I truly have grown to love my silk sari.  It's understated and beautiful and so much lighter to wear all evening. As others have mentioned, you don't need to worry at all about the sizing.  A tailor will make a blouse for you and sew it to fit you like you've never had anything fit you so well in your life.  For the rest of it, your FILs will drape it for you (or hire someone to drape it for you, this is often done).Kanchi silks are kind of stiff and heavy.  Erin posted a while back here that she found hers very uncomfortable to wear for an extended period of time, so this is something to think about and try out before you get too far into the planning process.  There are other kinds of silk y'all might consider.  My FILs, for example, got me a banarasi silk sari, which is much lighter and will be easier to move in.  Your FILs will definitely have strong opinions about this, and it varies even family to family how traditional they are, so you should definitely talk to them.  For example, I assumed I'd wear red, but in FI's family, the women traditionally wear white.

ESJ'sBride

Hi Aquario, I'll be repeating what most of the ladies are saying here- but also adding that in some South Indian Hindu Ceremonies -there are two dresses/sari's. One that the brides family walks her in with and the one she receives from her FIL's and changes into midway through the ceremony once she is officially married. Malayali wedding wear is usually similar to an 'Onam' type sari. Which has white and gold detail. See the link. Your best bet in incorporating the right amount of cultural details again would be the FIL's.  They can explain all of that to you since even between one Malayali to another- there can be a great difference. Hope that helps! http://www.hindu.com/mp/2005/06/04/stories/2005060401190200.htm

aquariogirl

ladies, you are the best. Thank you so much, I was really thinking on having a deep red and gold sari. I love the gold deails in saris, but personally don't like yellow :-(I don't have a single outfit in that color. I could go with ivory and gold.....In regars to the size, yeah I normally wear 0. I hope I don't look like I have too much cloth around me.Oh one more question! do Malayi brides paint their hands and feet with henna?Thanks again! and I'll keep you posted

Meghana55

I would definitely discuss color with your FMIL.  Some families have to wear red and gold, others have to wear white and red, etc.   And ditto what Nicole said.  It's likely that FMIL will buy your wedding sari for you in whatever colors are traditional for your FI's family.  Also, ask you FMIL if she's be cool with you wearing a lehenga.  Sarees can be quite difficult to wear if you're not used to it, so a lehenga could be a nice option.  Again, south indian lehengas tend to not be as blingly though.  Although, if you want to jazz it up, you can always change into a blingy lehenga for the reception (that's what I did!)As for the henna - it's pretty common for south asian brides to have it done.  It's really up to you.  Most brides, whether they're south indian, north indian, paki, sri lankan, etc. usually opt to have it done.  It's a nice tradition and it looks beautiful! 

Meghana55

Oh yea and don't worry about the cloth!  It will definitely fit.  I know plenty of girls who are petite and they've never had an issue with wearing sarees.  The only bad thing is that traditional south indian silk sarees don't fall as nicely as your georgette or chiffon sarees so they can sometimes appear a little bulky - but this is pretty standard with south indian sarees!

aquariogirl

Thanks so much, I'm still about the difference between a legenha and a saree. I will look mor einfo online. I've browsed through Utsav and Bharat Plaza websites, also there's one boutique in Cambridge (I live in Boston now) but we just decided that our wedding will be in Houston (where most of our firends are and where we lived for many years)and yes, I will have to ask about the colors, we just decided the date yestrday and now looking for a venue in Houston.

Meghana55

A lehenga is a skirt, blouse and dupatta (the shawl-type thing), so it's much easier to wear.  A sari is a single piece of fabric (6 yards).  You wear a blouse and a peticoat and the sari is draped around you in a specific way.  If you're FI's family is pretty traditional you'll have to wear a sari, but maybe you can change into a lehenga for the reception or something :-)But if you've never worn a sari before, I'd definitely ask your FMIL to drape it on you a few times and just wear it around the house a few times to get used to walking around in it!

aquariogirl

no I have never worn a sari and like I mentioned before I'm petite we are talking about : 5 feet 100 lbs here. I'll probbably go to an Indian boutiwue close by and try them on and the feel of it. Will a kanchi (S Indian Saree) be very unconfortable to wear for the reception????  oh lord...

Meghana55

A kanchee sari won't be uncomfortable, but they're not as easy to manage, as a georgette or chiffon sari would be.  But if have a few trial runs, you should be fine!