South Asian Weddings

SA no-shows?

FI and I were hanging out with a couple of his SA friends yesterday (both originally from Bombay but have been here for a few years). Anyway, we started discussing a friend of FI's who'd told us for months that she was coming to our wedding but never sent in the rsvp card. We'd planned to count her as a yes, but then she no-showed on a shower and so I asked FI to pin her down and she finally said she wasn't coming. (For a pretty lame reason that is too long of a story for this post.) Anyhow, when we were talking about this, my focus was very American-like and centered around the fact that we were about to pay for her and her husband and that she hadn't bothered to tell us she was in fact not coming. The friends didn't seem to entirely "get it." After they left, FI and I were talking and he was saying that the focus for Indians is much different - whereas it's not so bad to rsvp no here, it's much worse among Indians. Which now has me worried about no-shows. A lot. Our wedding's pretty far away and I can already sense some of his friends being sort of flaky about coming. So, my question is, did any of you have a substantial issue with no-shows? Do you sense that there are a lot of people among SAs who will say they're coming to save face but then not show? More so than with other weddings, if you know? Advice? I really do not want my parents to pay for 30 people who don't show up.

Re: SA no-shows?

  • Meghana55Meghana55 member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I wouldn't worry too much about it.  You're just going to make yourself crazy and you don't need the added stress!  We had 6 or 7 no shows....most were for legitimate reasons (sickness, daughter went into labor, etc.) and others for really lame reasons (had to pick up parents from the airport even though there were 10 other people that could have done that...).  So overall our no-shows weren't too bad.  Unfortunately some of your guests may have emergencies come up and may not be able to attend at the last minute, but I wouldn't worry about there being a high percentage of no-shows.  Your FI may know how his family/friends have acted from prior experience.  Maybe he can better attest to whether his family is the type to just respond yes, but not show up. 
  • edited December 2011
    I agree with Meg; try not to worry too much.  I think the fact that you are having an out-of-town wedding for most of your guests will actually work in your favor.  It requires planning/logistics and people are more invested in attending if they've bought a plane ticket/booked a hotel room (which you can verify if you have a block of rooms at a hotel; I was on the phone with the reservations manager for our hotel block like every other day in the week leading up to our festivities.)  Even though I say try not to worry too much, if you really are concerned, you should cover your bases by having someone act as the cultural ambassador for you to spread the word that a) RSVPs are important and b) showing up if you RSVP yes is also important.  For us, it was my MIL.  She was a total enforcer because she couldn't believe how $$ the per-plate cost was in NYC - ha!  Anyway, we had more problems with folks not RSVPing than we did with people RSVPing yes and not showing up.  We only had one no-show and I honestly didn't even know about it until a few weeks ago!  It was for a legit reason, too.
  • egoego
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    it's not that bad. you might have people that said no, decide to come at the last minute, so it balances out.  i only had 2 no shows and that was due to illness.
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