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South Asian Weddings

Catholic/Muslim wedding - need help!!!

Someone recommended I re-post this on this board... help!! I just started at theknot.com, and haven't been able to do much because my boyfriend's mother is expressing doubts and is not supportive of our marriage talk. We've been dating for over 2 years and my family (Catholic) and the rest of his (Muslim) are perfectly fine with it - in fact, his mom and I get along quite well. Her first question was "what will happen to the kids?" Does anyone have any suggestions? We were hoping to talk to someone with a similar background that made it work. I am a practicing Catholic while he is not a practicing Muslim but his mother wants him to be. Our families get along great and I'm not worried about it in the long run, but we need help getting started. We're making appointments to talk to a priest and Imam, but need a lot more help!! Thanks!!

Re: Catholic/Muslim wedding - need help!!!

  • edited December 2011
    I am in a very similar situation. I am muslim, and my fiance is Christian. His family has been completely supportive of our relationship form day one, but my family not so much. When I spoke to my parents and told them that we want to get married, they completely flipped out. You need to understand your future MIL's point of view. She comes from a culture where this simply does not happen a lot. You and your boyfriend need to have a serious conversation about everything: religion, kids, holidays, etc. It is incredibly important. While your boyfriend may not be religios now, often this changes when children come into the picture. You must also keep in mind that finding an imam that will be completely supportive. Granted, the fact that your boyfriend is muslim, will help immensly. The only way to approach this is to be open and honest with both families. One thing to reiterate though, you HAVE to speak about these things now, because putting it off might bring up other surpirses. Feel free to msg me if you have any other questions, or about how my fiance and I went about our conversations. My parents are now completely supportive of our marriage and couldn't be happier. It will just take some time to get there.
  • edited December 2011
    I second what ssaeed said. My family is very conservative Christian, while I don't subscribe to any particular faith- although I have leaning towards Hinduism on a spiritual level. FI is muslim. My parents are having a REALLY hard time with our relationship. They really like FI as a person, but think that I am going against "god's word" to marry someone from a different faith. They are extremely close minded on the subject and the media's negative portrayal of Islam does.not.help.at.all. FI and I have had very long talks about religion- how we will raise our children, how we will celebrate holidays, etc. I never want to feel like an outsider in my own family. I don't want that our kids are automatically muslim because I don't have an organized faith to teach them. We basically decided that the kids will learn islam and that I will also teach my beliefs. We will celebrate all holidays pertinent to us culturally, and that when our childrn are of age, they will choose from themselves which religion to follow. If it is Islam, ok. If it is nothing, ok too. Our families will just have to accept this however difficult it may be for them.The only advice I can offer is to talk it out and think in terms of scenarios. How would he feel if your children are christened in the Catholic church? How will you feel if they attend prayers at the mosque with your FI? How will you handle Ramadan, Christmas, Easter, Eid, etc?It is possible to make it work, but it takes communication.
  • edited December 2011
    Sorry I haven't been on in a while, but in case this is still helpful ... I was raised Catholic and FI was raised Muslim.  I was a practicing Catholic and FI was not a practicing Muslim (just name only really).  We started discussing marriage after two years of dating.  We got engaged after 4 1/2.  The intervening 2 1/2 years was the time it took to sort out religion.  Here's what we did: We met with priests and imams (btw, the priest I spoke with was horrible about this all -- so pick both your priests and your imams carefully).  We read each other's books on religion.  We had many explicit and painfully detailed conversations about what we would teach the children.  We disagreed.  We fought.  We "tried out" each other's religions.  I realized I loved Islam.  We agreed to raise the children Muslim.  We spoke with other interreligious couples.  We spoke with converts.  We disagreed some more and fought some more about whether I should convert.  Then eventually I took the plunge, and I've been really happy as a Muslim.Obviously the details of your process will be different, but the main thing I counsel is lots of patience and willingness to really work out the details before you get engaged.  It's so important!  If you need more specific advice about books we read or things we discussed or how to find a good Imam/priest ... or anything, please feel completely free to email me (wdcbride at gmail dot com).  I'm always very happy to find others who are in similar situations to myself, because honestly the support group can be really key.
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