XP- Fusion Ceremony: Hindu traditions/Christian ceremony

kalpi108

Hi ladies,

I've tried asking this question on the Ceremony Ideas board, where a few people responded with honest opinions but most also said they couldn't really picture it or relate. I tried again on the Interfaith boards but no one's responded for two weeks there. This seems to be a more active board and I'd be really interested in hearing what other Indian brides think of this idea.  I'll just paste my original post and welcome any and all feedback (hopefully delivered respectfully, of course). Thanks in advance!

We are still very early in the planning stages and have not yet settled for certain on how we want to fuse my Indian wedding customs with my fiance's Christian ceremony. 

We've both grown up in America our whole lives and have dreamt of me walking towards him in the white dress and saying "I do" to each other. At the same time though, being Indian is a part of who I am also and there are some traditions from the Hindu ceremony that include parents in them and are meaningful to me. We have gone through so many different ideas but for now, we're thinking that we'd both come out in Indian dress (me in a wedding sari) with our parents and my aunt would oversee us in some of the family related customs that are part of Indian weddings. It wouldn't take more than fifteen or twenty minutes. Then our caterer has suggested that while we go inside and change into white dress and tux, they'll walk around with snacks and drinks while our guests are free to move around outside and look around the garden. They'll then seat them again and we'll come out for the more American Christian ceremony, also no more than fifteen minutes. 

Will this still be the meaningful modern-fusion ceremony I'm hoping for or could it end up feeling choppy? Just wanted to get some outside opinions as I've been in it for too long to look at it objectively anymore

Then this was the response I wrote to the few people who wrote me back:

I really appreciate all of the honest and thoughtful feedback. I definitely have worried that the getting up and sitting down part would be the cause of a choppy feeling.. 

The other idea we've talked about is having the Indian part in this very intimate, cozy space inside, which would be one of the RSVP options on the invite, and then a small space of time where people go outside, have snacks and drinks, and then are seated outside for the full Christian ceremony which would have its own separate RSVP option on the invitation. That would put us outdoors a bit later on a summer evening which would help with the temperature; the Indian part that's very family oriented would be small and intimate with people only coming if they choose to, and then the part we really wanted outside (the Christian ceremony with the walking down the aisle) would be separate enough from the first part that it might feel less choppy than the stand up and sit back down in the same seat idea. 

Who knows, we'll see, but I do agree with all of you that we all each only have one wedding day and we should try to do the things that are important to us. But as I am trying to be mindful of my guests' experience as well, I thought I'd get some outside ideas. Thanks again, ladies!

temurlang

First of all, I think it's great that you want to incorporate both traditions, and I think it can definitely be done.  However, I have a couple of concerns about your current plans.

The biggest problem I see is time.  It took me hours to get out of my bridal lehnga and jewelry.  Also, you'll have to change all your accessories and it will be hard to get one makeup and hair look to suit both outfits.  Also, weddings always always always run just a little late.  15 minutes could be a crisis if you're that tightly scheduled.

Is the white dress essential to the Christian ceremony?  If it isn't, I would change between the ceremony and reception instead.  Do you want to wear the white dress for the ceremony, or does his family want it? 

I also recommend talking to your priests/officiants.  Two ceremonies back to back could be awkward, but they could also be very nicely combined to include aspects of both traditions.  I like the second idea better.  If you need or want both separate, a good option is to do the Hindu ceremony privately with family first, but give yourself enough time to change before the second one.

raangoli

I agree with Tem, that it's great that you want to be able to incorporate both traditions, but I think having two short ceremonies with a gap in the middle will be choppy and if you're even the slightest bit late in getting started, the rest of your timeline that day will be impacted.

What if you were to incorporate elements of both ceremonies into one, like Tem suggested? Wear the white dress to walk down the aisle and then for the reception, change into something more traditional. You will definitely need time to change and get read from one outfit to another and you can do that while your guests are enjoying the cocktail hour. I did the opposite actually, even though we only did the traditional Hindu ceremony. I wore a sari and MH wore a sherwani for the ceremony. Afterwards I changed into a wedding dress and MH wore a suit for the reception.

Another option would be to have a smaller, more intimate Indian ceremony the day before or even very early in the morning of and then have the Christian wedding afterwards that your guests would attend with the reception immediately following. It's a lot more to plan, but I have seen/heard of many couples doing this.

Whatever you decide, just make sure you have lots of time built into your day to change, etc.

kalpi108

Thank you both for your points. The timing is absolutely a concern and we've definitely thought of the options you both suggested (either me wearing the sari and him in the kurta/dhoti/lungi, whatever he feels comfortable in, during the ceremony and then the white dress and suit during the reception or having the Hindu ceremony in the morning or on a different day) but we keep struggling with those. We would like to include all our guests in both traditions, if they choose to rsvp and attend for both, and that becomes complicated/pricey if it's on another day or at another venue. As for the clothing, wearing the sari during the Hindu part is very important to me and my mother (I already have the one I'd wear and it suits my style so it's nothing so elaborate that it would take ages to put on or take off) and the authenticity of the Christian ceremony is very important to my fiance's mother. He is less concerned with the religious aspect of it but more with the tradition of my walking down the aisle towards him in the American wedding gown. However, he's already made clear that he would absolutely support and still love to see me walk down the aisle in the sari so he really wouldn't make an issue out of that. I'm having trouble shaking the desire to walk down the aisle in my ivory/champagne gown but I know I could just change into it for the reception. I know he'd want to change into his suit for that no matter what since he's never worn the traditional male Indian clothes before I also don't know if I'll be having a mehendi ceremony, I hadn't planned on it, but it's definitely a possibility. That would factor into clothing decisions during the ceremon(ies) as well. My bridesmaids are psyched to wear saris, churidars, or salwar kameez during the ceremony so that's not a problem either. I guess I'll just have to keep thinking this through and figure out my priorities and the time situation. Thank you both for your input especially having gone through interracial/interfaith weddings yourselves, I really appreciate it.

A&Q

I hve almost thesame problem, but everything is going to work out perfectly for you guys:)