My Sister In law hates me

MrsBM

Hey Girls...most of you know about my 'situation' with my sister in law.

Since the day I got engaged, she's been acting like an indian girl who get's jealous, behaves rudely and creates drama for no reason.

Now it's even worse.   I was completely willing to let it go of what she did to me ( she called me some pretty harsh words on my wedding day) but now she's IGNORING me....which is pretty immature. 

The other day, there was a family event at her house, and I was helping to clear the table, and then she was standing infront of her sink and I just wanted to rinse my hands, I asked her if I could just get to the sink to wash my hands, she didnt respond to my question. One would think she'd respond with an "oh sure go ahead"... but she just walked away in a hissyfit.

We'll be in the same room and she won't say a word and when I ask her questions she gives me one word answers and give a cold shoulder. 

She'll never smile around me or engage me in any conversation...she's just a real witch.

Why is she like this?  My only guess is that during my wedding i was involved in the wedding planning and b/c her wedding was in India she didn't really plan hers...and she calls me controlling ...because I was the bride at my wedding and I was clear with everyone around me on what i wanted...sue me!  (During the reception, her husband - hubz brother - told my sister that I'm controlling and that my sister could never make a decision for herself)... my sister was just doing everything she could to make me happy...especially as she knew that it was my special day and she knew what i wanted.

I'm about ready to tell her off and rip her head off...but I know I shouldn't ...any advice?

raangoli

Wow, she sounds like a barrel of fun, doesn't she? I don't understand why she is taking out her disappointments with her wedding out on you, if that is indeed the case.

I would suggest sitting down and talking to her. I know that you said she is ignoring you, which I agree is not the most mature thing in the world, but I think you have the opportunity to be the bigger person.

Has she acted this way towards anyone else that you know? How long as she been married to your husband's brother? Maybe she doesn't like that she has competition (so to speak) now?

MrsBM

Ya, she's been like this with other people in the family.  From what i've been told by hubz, she holds grudges...she didn't talk to one hubz cousins for a year or so b/c a small incident and apparently she doesn't talk to a member of her own immediate family

She's been married for 5-6 yrs, they have a new home and a wonderful 3 yr old toddler...plus from what i see they have a successful marriage.

I know she's had issues with my in laws b/c they were more conservative in the view points (didn't want them moving out of the house) so I think another reason why she's so angry is b/c she knows we are looking for a home (only three month after getting married)

I personally think I've been very nice to her, and tried to dismiss the entire situation...so b/c now that i'm getting angry I'll just tell her off if I sit her down lol  I'm done killing her with niceness

Yes everyone I know says she's jealous of the fact that she used to be the only woman ...and that she feels like I'll take her place...but I seriously won;t i don't care about those things...I just want to be happy with my hubby.

My thing is...I'm venting about my side of the situation...I wonder if she's venting to her friends about her side...but what is her aguement?

kpwedkk

Maybe you can have a sitdown as Raangoli indicated, and just let her know that you aren't taking her place as the first married daughter/in-law in the home.  That you are happy with your hubz and respect your elders/parents/inlaws and family.

She shouldn't feel conflicted, or hold grudges, life is too short for that! And that her behavior will drive more and more nice, people away from her and family if she continues to do this... 

What kind of role-model is she being for her toddler?  There's a saying "Monkey sees, Monkey does"  If she acts this way, how will her toddler act in the future?

<super hugs />  This is a very difficult lady!

MrsBM

Hey Girls...okay so I know the best option is for me to sit down with her. 

Part of me knows that I should but I'm 100 % sure I'll tell her off and it won't be a good situation.  I would come off as complaining and I would definite yell so I would like to avoid that.  Everyone in the family knows it's bad...My in laws...and ofcourse my brother....

What the hubz and I decided was that he would talk to his brother.  We discussed what his approach would be. We don't want to come into the situtation as complaining or whiny babies lol we want to act like adults...  It would go something like this:

1. Chit chat about small stuff ...work the weather etc.
2.  Hubz would ask his bro how he feels things are between the 4 of us...he would ask him if he feels the situation is better
3.  He would then ask if my SIL is still angry or mad...if so why?
4.  Hubz would tell BIL that SIL is still behaving rudely towards us (I'm thinking BIL may act surprised or deny it all together) and that is why we think she is still mad
5.  If the brother responds and asks questions about us, hubz would tell him our stand point on the issue, that we don't feel that anything is better and that we are less likely to work on the relationship considering how she's been treating us (especially me since the day we got engaged)..

I sounds kind of harsh but I think we need to make a stand point, and because she's twice removed from me (she's not hubz real sister...she's his sister in law too) it's best that the actual family relation works to resolve this issue.

Wish us luck!

trueleo818

girl. she's being immature. tell her to GROW UP AND BE A WOMAN!

hope the talk goes well, Bhanu!

xoxo

MrsBM

Thanks True

Update!

Hubz spoke to BIL and the convo went well.  BIL is going to talk to SIL about her behaviour!  I'll let you know how it goes after that...

DFWIndian

I agree with Stephanie.. If you've done everything you can then forget her! She's being a child and people like that just don't understand rational thinking. She's being petty and there is no reason she needs to know what's going on in your life. I have an aunt like this and finally when her SIL my mom and sisters stopped really trying to reach out to her she changed a little.
She better now but I still don't like her

MrsBM

Thanks for the advice everyone

I'm really happy that hubz talked to his bro.  His bro also agreed that the situation wasnt good, but the hubz clarified that between me, my hubz and my BIL that things were much better, and that only SIL was behaving badly.  My bro in law said he'd talk to her.

Hubz was happy about what he did, saying that b/c i gave him this idea that I;m really much more responsible and mature than any of them LOL!!!

Even though we did this ...I'm still def just going to be silent and smile from now on...she was trying to get a reaction of out me...and the last thing I want to is give her the reaction by telling her off lol.

Thanks gals!