South Asian Weddings

Breakthrough with FMIL

I forgot to mention this, but it was a pretty big deal to me...

I often call bfs parents in London and talk to them, at least once every two weeks to say hi and see how they are. Yesterday, my Mom and Dad were out with my Grandma who is visiting (and very nosy and doesn't know about our relationship...she's not...the super sweet Grandma you'd want to tell everything to) so I took the chance to call his parents when I was alone.

His Mom is pretty shy when we talk seeing as we've only met a good four times or so because we're so far apart, but she likes to talk to me on the phone. Also, my Gujarati is not great so we have to speak English, although it's not her first language. Often our conversations are very short and are about the weather.

Yesterday, I was determined to talk to her longer and gave it a shot. We ended up talking about a lot of things and I confided in her and told her how worried I am or sad I am about leaving my parents...and I couldn't hold in any tears and I just was crying a bit. Not sobbing or anything. And she comforted me quite a bit. She told me that after 30 years, she still cries over seeing her family, that I can go see mine and our home is open to them whenever they want. That she wants us to have ONE big family, not two separate families and that she understands very much how I feel. In addition, she told me that if I am ever upset with her, she wants me to say, "Mom, you said __________ to me" and she wants to be able to say "I'm sorry" so that we can move on. It was a really nice talk because we hardly talk about anything serious mostly because we are shy and are uneasy but this was a big step forward. His Dad also knew I was upset (he was in the room and could hear her talking to me) and also comforted me and told me that they're only a flight away.

It felt good and I really think it was good step in the right direction for both of us, not to mention I think it made bf pretty happy as well as he had no idea I was calling and was not at home himself.

Re: Breakthrough with FMIL

  • edited December 2011

    This is such a sweet situation Sonali!!! LUCKY YOU

    You are truly blessed with a great new fam to be :)

  • edited December 2011
    That's so great you were able to talk to her.  She sounds really nice.
  • edited December 2011
    That sounds great! I think it's a good sign of things to come that you were able to be this open with her and she was comforting. The same goes for your FFIL!

    Maybe the more you talk to them, you could work in a conversation about your reservations about living as a joint family. Or you think that's pushing it a little?
  • SonaliPopSonaliPop member
    edited December 2011
    I think that could lead to bad things, to be honest. I don't think that they'd understand it the same as you do or as my bf does.

    He and I are still working out if we can make a compromise on our living situation for the first few years. Maybe he will agree. But even then, problems can arise. So, no. I won't be bringing it up to them.
  • kpwedkkkpwedkk member
    1000 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Compromise is the foundation :)

    Hope it works for you, from your original post it seems like you and your FMIL are trying to bridge the gap as humans making a connection through communication :)

    "The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched, they must be felt with the heart." ~ Miss K ~
  • mbuhpathimbuhpathi member
    edited December 2011
    What a sweet story to read!
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards