Have any of you had this experience?

rsmehta

Hi ladies!  I am curious if any of you have had this experience with South Asian weddings and maybe have some suggestions as to how to make the situation better.  My family is Gujarti and apparently one of the things we have to do (on both my mom and dad's side) is to pay for accomodations for our entire family for the whole time they are at my wedding.  We have a huge family and this means my parents are paying for about 20 rooms, for 3 nights.  This is a huge cost outside of our wedding budget, but my parents are adamant that this is culturally expected (I guess all their brothers and sisters expect to be taken care of when they come).  I think it's absurd that we have to pay for hotels for everyone and I really don't like this tradition.  Especially because I am getting married in Newport, RI where you cannot find a decent hotel for less than $200 per night (unless you want a dumpy motel)...

So at my brother's wedding, we had the same issue.  But he got married in NJ where the room rates were much cheaper.  What ended up happening for my brother's wedding was that we rented rooms down the street from the hotel where the wedding was (since the rooms were cheaper there).  Some of my cousins weren't happy with the hotel we chose, so after a day, they went to another hotel without telling us.  So my family ended up paying for a few rooms for them for 3 nights, when they didnt even tell us or stay there.  This really bothered me because the least they could do was tell us that they were going to another hotel so we wouldn't have to endure the cost!  Anyways, I am afraid the same will happen for my wedding.  And I am really worried about the cost that my family will have to pay since mine is in a more expensive area.  I thought about getting hotels further away and then having a bus going back and forth.  The problem with this is that I think all the younger cousins will want to stay out after the wedding and not everyone will go back to the hotel at the same time.  Plus, FI's family and friends are staying in Newport and it would be more fun to all be together.  Any suggestions?  Anyone else have a similar situation?

MrsBM

Hi Rsmehta!

Yup I think it's culturally expected that Desi Families will take care of and accomodate their families if they come to their weddings.  My parent's accomodated about 10 family members during my wedding time (a span of 4-5 days at hotels and then within their house for 5 days after the wedding)

My parents did consider this cost in their budget for the wedding but they also looked for cost effective ways of dealing with this.  Here are my suggestions (based on what my family and i did):

- Consider putting your family in a college dorm for every day even the day before your wedding.  Student residences usually offer off season rates and are much cheaper than hotels.  They offer continental breakfast as well.

- When booking hotel rooms for your wedding day, put family members together in a double queen room!  They may not like it but it will save you a bundle...and they only thing they'll do in there is sleep so it's okay if they share the space

- Make sure your hotel gives you a group discount rate and perks like a room free of every 10 rooms booked...if they don't negotiate with them so they do

- Get other freebies at the hotel like a hot breakfast for all the rooms that you book...it will take any tension off of putting family members at another hotel because they'll all get to come down and eat together during or after your wedding day.

Hope that helps you!

kkapur2

maybe you could have them each pay a minimal fee - say $100/room/night?  Say you have the rate extremely discounted but could not afford to pay for the whole thing? 

kpwedkk

We did something like this - we blocked out a few hotels, and let everyone know about the cheap discount that they could get.  For immediate family we paid for their rooms (and airfare), and for the pandits, musicians and my cousin since she danced at our wedding.

We looked at and booked StayBridge Suites, which had a kitchen, and two rooms + a sofa, so could sleep 6 people each!  They get complimentary breakfast every day, that saves them from barging in at the bride's family's home and demanding breakfast!

 If they didn't like who they were staying with, or wanted more privacy, then they could get a discounted room, on their own.  It saved so much on us, because some folks who demanded to get to your wedding for free, wanted their own privacy, well that had a price lol!

We posted all of this information on our wedsite, along with coupon codes for the different rental cars (from sams' club and costco) and you do not have to be a member of those two warehouses to use them!

rsmehta

Thank you so much for all of your advice!  You all had some excellent suggestions and I am talking to my parents about the different options.  I did call the closest college to see if there were dorms available, but this is not an option unless you are affiliated with the university.  I suggested to my mom about offering to pay a certain amount (such as $100) and then they would have to pay the rest.  My mom sort of liked this idea, but my dad said no.  Apparently, the family would be offended if they were expected to pay anything on their own!  This seems crazy and super super traditional to me, but I guess that's just the way it is.  I think in the end, my parents will just suck it up and pay for everyone whatever it costs.  We are trying to bargain with the hotel whether they can include breakfast so at least that will be one less thing to worry about (thanks for the advice about this).  Let's just say that this tradition ends with me- it's too stressful!