South Asian Weddings

More Cultural Advice Needed

The first time my ILs came to visit, I thought they would expect me to cook, so I did.  MIL refused to eat anything I made and completely took over the cooking, despite the fact it's quite obvious she doesn't like to cook.

On subsequent visits it was similar.  I would cook on occasion, she would declare it inedible and kick me out of my kitchen.

On their last visit, she actually ate my cooking without complaint (although she still mostly cooked).

I would prefer to cook, because she puts a gallon of oil in everything so I have indigestion throughout their stay and she leaves an unbelievable mess.

Based on your experience with your own ILs or what you've seen in your family, what is the real expectation here?  Does she want me to do the cooking but I'm supposed to insist harder?  Does she want to make sure she has certain food and thinks I may not be able to cook it?  Does she just want to be in control, even though she doesn't like cooking?  As usual, DH has no clue!

Re: More Cultural Advice Needed

  • edited December 2011
    When my in-laws were here, we all tried to be polite in the beginning and I cooked, but clearly they were missing food from home.  Both of my in-laws cook (my MIL doesn't like to, but is a great cook and my FIL has recently started to cook and is a real natural!)  What we ended up doing is that they would take care of lunch and I would take care of dinner. We mixed in some take out here and there.  Since they don't eat very much, we always had leftovers, so no one had to cook every day.  But we all shared in the cooking, except for my husband.  Because if we left it to him, we'd just eat parathas and pickle for every meal.  But he made up for it by offering up take out as an option too. 

    Oh, also by doing it this way, there was always some Indian food in the house and always some non-Indian food in the house.  I can't do that much Indian food in a row, so that was a real life-saver for me. 

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  • temurlangtemurlang member
    1000 Comments Third Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Hahaha!  My H would totally do a paratha-pickle diet too!

    My ILs (well, FIL really) just don't want to eat restaurant food.  FIL will only go to a restaurant if he can see the menu and it's really expensive.  He won't consider eating Thai take-out or going to the local Korean place, like we might normally do.  MIL will actually try stuff if she's not pressured too much.

    How did you establish the lunch/dinner switch off?  Did it just happen?  And were they fine with it?
  • edited December 2011
    mmm... parathas and pickle.

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