Cultural Advice Please

temurlang

DH and I are having a large party this coming weekend (50+ people).  The invitation said "light snacks and drinks."  I am getting the following input:

"My H is vegetarian.  Make sure at least half your food is vegetarian."

"Are you serving Indian food?  Why not?  You should."

"Make sure it's Halal."

"My kids have a hard time sitting for that long.  Get something to entertain them."

I get the same thing whenever we have people over (and our wedding).  When we have a dinner party (as in 8 people), it is usually a homogenous group, so I do serve Indian veg or Halal or non-Desi depending on who's coming.  With a large, mixed group, however, I can't possibly cater to each guest.  There are of course always veg options.

I want to know if this is a cultural thing to ask/suggest these things?  It seems like an imposition to me, but is that just my own cultural bias?  Is there a polite response I'm expected to make (i.e. am I supposed to lie and say that sure, half the food will be veg just for your H)?  Do people actually expect all these things when they're a guest?  Are they trying to "help" me because I'm not Indian?

TIA!

jsleik

I just emailed you!  I think that is a bit over the top!!! 

raangoli

Wow. That's pretty forward of your guests. I see these things as demands more than helpful requests. If they know you and your H, they know that you've been around long enough to know who is vegetarian etc. It's one thing if you have a food allergy to bring that up, but I think this is a bit much.

I would reply back and say that you and your husband will certainly try to keep the suggestions in mind, but if there is a particular concern regarding allergies etc, to please let you know. I think that this gets you out of making sure you cater to each individual person.

And honestly, based on the wording on the invite I wouldn't be expecting to eat a full meal, but just some snacks/appetizers to accompany a drink or two.

I think people just have no filter lately and just say what they want to say without thinking of how it comes across.

rv224

Agree with Raangoli - that's just rude!

I went to a cross-cultural wedding once (bride was Chinese and the groom was Italian) but the dinner was done Chinese banquet. Apparently the groom's side nagged that they only eat Italian food. But the bride's side went ahead with the Chinese dinner. And that's what I suggest you do to.

This is YOUR wedding. You're not a waitress in a restaurant. Other than food allergies or veg options, don't worry about entertaining kids, etc. That's not your job. The parents should be doing that or don't bring them then.

SonaliPop

Honey, it's your party and you'll do what you want to so sorry - you're going to do what you want.

You are the one paying for it so do what you like. Serve what you like. If their kids have a hard time sitting still - tough. It's ONE NIGHT.

Do not let people influence you because once they do it, they'll keep doing it. Your party will be wonderful the way it is. If you let everyone have a say over days that are meant to be so special to you, your message, mood, and emotion will be lost in translation.

temurlang

DH has actually revised the invitation to "clarify that this is not a sit down dinner" and to suggest that if you have kids you can leave early!

Thanks all for the advice and support!  Sometimes these cross-cultural challenges are so exhausting LOL!