Invitation Woes

devakik

I have had two sisters get married before me so I've pretty much seen it all regarding guests without wedding etiquette, but I was wondering if anyone had any tips for invitation issues specifically.

At my first sister's reception, we had about 50 uninvited guests that were brought by invited guests (family in from out of town, someone's new girlfriend, etc.).  Three more tables had to be pulled including chairs and linens to accomodate these people.

For the second sister's wedding, we wisened up and on the RSVP cards, wrote the maximum number of people that could attend, but we kept getting back cards with our "5" for the Smith family crossed out and "7" inserted.  And people still showed up with extra guests, saying things like "Well I heard Mr. Johnson's daughter couldn't come so I thought my guest could take that person's place."

To try and limit this, we are doing a seated dinner where the guests will be served and have to request whether they want chicken or a vegetarian plate in their RSVP  to hopefully cut down on people that are not invited.

Does anyone have any other tips for keeping unwanted guests out of your reception?

Priya310

I am dealing with invites to.  It’s the worst thing about the wedding!  The only thing I can suggest is putting this on the RSVP cards: We have reserved  __ seats in your honor.__ will attend__ decline 
This is what we are trying.  I pray that no one brings extra guests.

kpwedkk

This is difficult... not sure why this is the case with Indian weddings, but it always seems to happen.  I do like that you are doing a seated dinner, and only by RSVPing, your are guarenteed some food.

Other suggestions:
- On the RSVP card, specifically put who you are inviting, e.g. Mr and Mrs Smith, or if it's a single person, Mr Smith + 1 guest.

I don't know if by word of mouth or on your wedding website, you would ask guests to RSVP as soon as possible, and that both your and your groom want a small intimate wedding...

"Due to the venue's safety requirements, there are a limited number of seats.  If you want to bring more guests, you need to call us, to see if we can accomodate them."

I hope that helps!

raangoli

I think the idea to request people to select their dinner choice in advance is smart.  Unfortunately, I am not sure it will work.  You said that you tried the "X number of seats have been reserved for you" and people would either cross that out and write in their own, or just take it upon themselves to bring additional guests.

I think the only way to avoid unwanted guests is to spread the word like KP suggested - either through the wedding website or word of mouth that there is zero tolerance. (Of course there is a nicer way to word this, like KP suggested.)

Or the other alternative is to just not invite those who committed the offense in the first place. I understand though that this may not even be an option though if they are family or close friends.

I'd still discuss the possibility of uninvited guests with your reception location and how they would handle it should you need to add more tables and provide additional plated meals.

temurlang

One of the "fun" parts of the wedding!  And 50?  Holy crap!

We had to call people.  Well, DH had to call people because his friends were the offenders.  I'm going to give them the benefit of doubt and say that maybe they really don't know how a wedding in the US is organized and paid for.  He said things like this:

"I'm sorry, but actually we can only invite you and your wife.  Your MIL is not invited.  No.  Really.  No.  My FILs are paying for this wedding and they cannot accommodate anyone else."

This worked part of the time.  Sometimes we had follow up calls, which I made and went like this:

"Your MIL absolutely cannot come.  In the US, we have to pay per head, and I am not asking my father to pay for your MIL when we cannot even invite some of our own family.  We are having a sit down dinner and there are no extra seats."

Of course, your relationship with the offenders does matter, and maybe some of them need to be managed by your parents.  Since you probably know who they are, you can prepare your statement/argument against their particular additions.

We had two uninvited guests, which is okay (especially now that I know there could be 50!).  Our venue actually had only a ten-person leeway, so we could not have accommodated many extras.

GL!