South Asian Weddings

Open bar at reception

How many of you are doing an open bar at your wedding reception? We are not sure what to do, but have seen at least one person at every single open bar who can't control themselves, and it's a little ridiculous. I want my wedding to be a celebration (with drinks, yes) but not someone's club night and rendezvous down plastered lane...help! Are you doing beer / wine / champagne or a signature drink and beer or an open bar...I think a cash bar is really tacky. Or are you having a dry wedding? Open bars are super expensive, too!

I was thinking we'd serve a signature drink - the cocktail he always orders when we go out. I heard from the other boards if you know what sig. drink you want to serve you can buy the booze in bulk and have the bartender mix it up. It's cheaper that way, supposedly.

What do you think?

Re: Open bar at reception

  • edited December 2011
    Hi Sonali,

    It really depends on you and your guests, my sis had open bar for about 3 hrs (her reception lasted 5hrs), some ppl still paid after it was over to drink...but no one acted belligerent. I let my fiance make the decision for our reception (because I didnt want my in laws to think he didnt get to decide the reception), knowing his friends he said he wanted an premium open bar for entire 5 hrs..(hence the guest list is limited to 150 ppl for reception), yes alcohol is very expensive, but some ppl dont drink early on in the reception they are caught up with all the performances and then go get a drink or two or three later ;). But I think if you are wanting to spend that money on something else rather, then you can shorten your open bar to as you desire, I think venues are flexible on that. Also discuss it with your fiance, since its generally a guys thing.
    G'Luck..Happy Planning
    -nicky
  • edited December 2011
    We are having an open bar. We wrestled with the idea a lot mostly because of me. Personal issues, but with his friends and family it I bended to his will.
    My sister had an open bar for some part of it then it changed to cash. Some of our church uncles went a little overboard, but most people didn't care. It was usually the spouses who were upset about it. They planned on doing it since they booked a night in the hotel. We just all had fun and at that point you are just really glad it's over. If you do a cash bar people normally don't mind. I've been to so many wedding were the couple did a cash bar and everyone just paid.
    Update 6/13/2010
    June 2011 SiggyChallenge: Wedding Cake
    image
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • HinajHinaj member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    We are having a dry wedding, since both of us are muslim.  But we debated the idea around since we would have many guest who can drink and probably want to like his friends, etc etc.  But in the end, we decided that it would be just too much damn drama to have an open bar because my FMIL, my parents are not goin to like it, but more chances that my FMIL and my cousins family will create so much drama that I don't want to deal with.  I am saying this from experience, we had some guests from the groom's side who started drinking at one of my cousin's wedding and you would not believe what hell was raised behind the scene, since I was there I saw it.  Its just alcohol people, people who have no problem drinking it, why is it bugging them.  I dont get it!!!  But for my sanity, we are not doing it.

    Don't do a cash bar!!!  If you have to limit the hour of the bar.  To me cash bars are tacky and guests are there for your party, they shouldn't have to pay for such stuff.  If its not in the budget, just don't have it.  Signature drinks are a great idea,  I am thinking that we can make up a non-alcoholic signature drink.  But my sister pointed out the whole night would go in answering guests questions that if it has alcohol in it or not? 


  • SonaliPopSonaliPop member
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I agree fully about the cash bar. It's soooo tacky, at least, that is how I feel. I think your guests are coming to celebrate you, not to take their wallets to pay for anything! So, for me, that's out of the question. We're having a bigger group for the reception, so an open bar sounds so crazy expensive for us.
  • vindaloovindaloo member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Hi Sonali,

    I have to agree that a cash bar is problematic, especially with the South Asian cultural traditions of (sometimes excessive) hospitality.  However, there are various ways that you can handle the bar situation. 

    First, I'd check with your venue beforehand about whether you can supply your own booze for the signature drink.  Venues and caterers usually have strictly set policies on that kind of thing. 

    Second, you could do a beer and wine bar, rather than hard liquor if you're worried about people getting trashed.  Beer and wine have less alcohol content per volume than hard liquor, so people just can't get wasted as fast on it. 

    Third, you can pay on a consumption basis rather than a straight open bar.  Meaning, you pay by the actual number of drinks consumed rather than a flat hourly rate per person.  That's what we're doing, since a lot of the aunties and most of the women on FI's side of the family don't really drink, so an open bar would be a total waste of money on half of our guests.  The open bar option is an inflated price, since it really is for the venue/caterer to make sure they recoup their money in a worst-case (e.g. super-heavy drinkers) scenario.

    Talk to your venue/caterer--they should be able to give you some ideas since they deal with exactly these issues and concerns all of the time!

    Also, as far as people overdoing it--don't worry about it too much.  You simply can't control how much someone drinks, and if they drink too much they only make an ass out of themselves--their behavior does not reflect on you.  If worse comes to worse you can ask the bartenders in advance to cut anyone off who seems sloppy.

    Good luck, and let us know what you decide!
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Pregnancy Ticker
  • lildevi15lildevi15 member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Another option along with the great ones mentioned above is to pay a tab for a certain amount and then after that guests pay their own way (so if you put down $2000, once your guests reach that, they pay their own).  I am a fan of the signature cocktail, because I like themes :o)

    Also I agree, you shouldn't worry about how your guests behave.  They're behavior says nothing of you.  You can't control someone else, so it's not worth the stress.  Also the bartenders should know when to cut someone off (and I've seen this done at weddings before, it's not big deal, they're always polite about it). 

    Good luck!
  • chaudhryschaudhrys member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    HInaJ,

    I totally understand I'm in completely the same boat, as my parents wouldn't be thrilled with an open bar, but would get over it (they did for my brother) but his parents would be the problem. 

    What we have ultimately decided to do is have a credit card down at the hotel bar (which is literally through a side door from our reception space.  We actually thought about this very thing when we were booking our reception venue.  That way, the few people who would enjoy some ETOH (i.e our friends) can have it, there is no 'cash bar' component so it isn't tacky (totally agree with the other girls on this one). 

    Vindaloo, I"m in total agreement with you.
    The other thing that made it more sensible for us, is that the majority of our guest WILL NOT be drinking, that way we avoided the scene with his parents, and we aren't paying an arm and a leg to the hotel for drinks that will be drunk. 




  • chaudhryschaudhrys member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Hina J
    We are doing a signiture drink (a mango shimmer, something the bar tender concocted, or a non alcoholic mango mojito). It seems like you were contemplating it.

     We just assumed that people would realize that if we are serving it, that yes it is non alcoholic.  At least that is our theory.  I"ll let you know.  Of course, most of the older generation that will be out our wedding went to college here and certinately know what alcohol smells like (heck, most of them used to drink -- how hypocriticial if you ask me, but oh well) so they will know pretty quick that there is no alcohol in it.


  • edited December 2011
    Hey Sonali

    I was a bit skeptical on having open bars too but since my other half is a bartender, he insisted on having open bars.. I agree, its quite pricey. We're probably getting 3 open bars during the reception because of the amount of guests we're having. =( Although, we're only having open bars for a certain amount of time. Cocktail hour and our reception which is from 6-midnight but the bars will be closing @ 1030.

  • HinajHinaj member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_south-asian-weddings_open-bar-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:430Discussion:6a531877-53e0-4193-8d6e-8a2fd841de30Post:e78a3478-f355-4c88-9cc4-17674a3c53bd">Re: Open bar at reception</a>:
    [QUOTE]Hina J We are doing a signiture drink (a mango shimmer, something the bar tender concocted, or a non alcoholic mango mojito). It seems like you were contemplating it.  We just assumed that people would realize that if we are serving it, that yes it is non alcoholic.  At least that is our theory.  I"ll let you know.  Of course, most of the older generation that will be out our wedding went to college here and certinately know what alcohol smells like (heck, most of them used to drink -- how hypocriticial if you ask me, but oh well) so they will know pretty quick that there is no alcohol in it.
    Posted by chaudhrys[/QUOTE]


    I do want a signature drink, it seems like something fun we could do minus the alcohol.  But my sister does have a point about people keep asking believe me since I know some of them I wouldn't put it past them to do so, although I would think its obvious since its being served to everyone.  But I think we all have those people in the wedding, and mine just happen to be related to me.  I know what you mean about hypocritical, my cousin act so damn religious, but I know for a fact that they have done these things.  Really!!  Is it necessary?  I told my sister, if they can't figure it out, they don't need to drink it.  Its as simple as that. 
  • SonaliPopSonaliPop member
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I think we have to figure out a less costly option, because I do not want to go crazy on that stuff. I like the idea of paying regarding consumption. The women invited don't drink either, if they are aunty's, and all of our friends drink. So, that way, it seems to make more sense. OR, cutting the bar off after a certain point sounds better.

    Thanks guys, this was super helpful! I love it!
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards