South Asian Weddings

Emotional Mess

The thought of getting engaged is a happy one...

But BF wants me to give him some sort of sign that I'm ready to get engaged so he can move whatever plans he may or may not have forward to pop the big question.

But whenever I think of an engagement, I want to push it back another million years (well, maybe not a million) because the thought of being THAT far away from my family kills me.

In fact, I cry about it. All the time. I don't know what is happening...I am in tears whenever I think about it.

Someone help me. Or hug me. Or get me a glass of champers. I could use it. HELP! :(

Re: Emotional Mess

  • HinajHinaj member
    edited December 2011
    I know what you mean Sonali, When FI graduated from college, he was ready to propose, but then he told me that he doesn't think I am ready to get engaged and he was right, I wasn't.  I wanted to, but I really wasn't ready to get married because of my family. 

    I am the oldest of my siblings and we are all girls and I feel responsible for my family being the oldest and I wasn't ready to get married, because of my family and I knew I would be far from from them.  But over the years, something has just clicked and now I feel ready to get married, and the thought of moving away from my family is not as bad as it was before.  I look forward to our married life, my own family, etc etc.    I can travel to see my family, and they can come see me.  So I told him, I am ready to get married and he said he has just been waiting for that.  LOL. 

    Its true yours is a bit harder than most of us, since you are moving to a different continent.  But no one can tell you anything, because we are all sad about leaving our family, and there is no way to know,  but only you would know when you are ready to get married and move.  In the next few years, things can change, there is no need to rush.  Take your time, figure it out. 

    But I will give you a vitural hug, so you can feel a little better :)
  • edited December 2011
    Aww, Sonali! Don't cry! I know it's an overwhelming thought to live so far away from your parents. Do you still live with them or close to them? I wonder if that is making it even harder?

    I think you will know when you are ready. And it sounds like you are, except for this one thing. I think you are stronger than you realize and that while at first it will be hard, you can always visit your family and they can always visit you.

    I always think of how hard it must have been for my mom to move to the US after she married my dad. It was even harder then, in the early 70s because they had such little money and going to India was a big deal let alone calling there! Now it's easier to travel between countries and you can skype your parents from England, etc. It's not the same as seeing them in person, but it makes all the difference I am sure!

    I am sure that your parents will miss you dearly, but at the same time I am sure they would be more than happy for you to start your new life with your husband.
  • SonaliPopSonaliPop member
    edited December 2011
    Weird, the post I wrote didn't show up!

    Yes, I still live with them and spend way more time with them than anyone I know does with their parents. I'm sure a big part of this is because my boyfriend is in another country. If he were here, I'm sure we would be out together all the time.

    It's sad for any bride but it's hard for me to think of not seeing them everyday or seeing them only once a year or every other year. Flights may be frequent but they are still expensive. I hope my parents decide to one day settle there if both my brother and I move there, as we are all citizens of the UK. Maybe one day when they retire.
  • edited December 2011
    I cant relate to moving that far from my parents after the wedding but am sure its a painful feeling all I can is when you are engaged you wont feel that sadness and the excitement takes over!! its a good feeling..
  • kpwedkkkpwedkk member
    1000 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    <Super Duper Hugs>

    Cherish the moments you have now.  You feel it in your gut or your fiance to be does when it's the moment to pop the question. 

    When I picked up the last box (I probably had 3 car loads of stuff from my parent's home LOL) it was like a vidai in a sense, but I love my own space.  Weekends we'd go visit and hang out, but it's not the same.  I get the tug at the end of the night that it's time to go home. 

    One of these days, I'll get the tug to move across continents like you don't want to, but it truly doesn't mean that you can't talk to your parents on the phone, or by email, or write letters or the ways things are going video on phones.  They could virtually be there in the room next to you!!

    Days go by when sometimes I do feel that detachment, but I write a lot about feelings on paper, it helps to smooth out the emotions and move forward :) 

    And in the future, there will always be time for trips :)

    It's not like you are never going to see your parents again!

    Spend the moments cherishing what you have, make a collage of the good times and the times when they did pick you up, dusted you off, and kept you moving forward in life!  Add pictures when you feel happy, and take it every where you go!!

    <super duper hugs again! />

    "The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched, they must be felt with the heart." ~ Miss K ~
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