Hindu/Catholic Ceremony

SonyaChris

Hi everyone,

My fiance and I are planning our wedding and currently are on pace to be able to do both ceremonies on the same day. The Catholic ceremony in the morning and the Hindu ceremony in the afternoon, followed by the reception. I am Hindu and he is Catholic. The problem we are running into believe it or not is not with the church or the temple, however it's with figuring out what food will be served at the reception. Only Indian, only Western or some combination of both. Easy answer would be both, but once we looked into pricing to do both, it seems a bit outrageous to spend so much money for about 50 people (groom's side is quite small). Unfortunaly, the mother of the groom is refusing to eat Indian food and insists all guests from their side won't either - which a difficult situation as it shows no effort to even immerse to our culture and food.

I'm posting because I'm wondering if there are any brides that have been able to pull off providing both types of food at a reasonable price. While we are willing to accomodate, price is an issue and there is no financial help from his side. I'm hoping I can get any insight from you guys!

For background, my fiancee is very supportive however, we are both at loss as to how to please his mother.

Thanks!

trueleo818

First off, it sucks how his mom completely shut down the idea of Indian food. Secondly, how would your family feel about having western food? Would they be OK with it or would they have to have Indian? Maybe you can just do a half and half type menu? Western food for his side and Indian for yours? I know, easier said than done. I'm sorry. I hope it kinda helps. btw, its not his mom's wedding. its YOURS and HIS wedding. Good Luck!

DFWIndian

I would say go western. It's what we are doing. Our main course will be western food and the cocktail hour we are having Indian. Samosas, vadas, and such. It's a good combination. We will also have fruit and cheese for the cocktail hour. Most of our people who are here will eat chicken or a veg meal because they are use to it.

Also, if his mother is the only one voting down the Indian meal and she's isn't helping financially I say screw it and do what you want. Sorry my bridezilla moment. I just think it needs to be the compromise which works for the most people.

temurlang

First of all, I agree with DFW that if you're paying, you get to make the ultimate decision.

We went with neither and had Chinese food!  And I like DFW's idea about one for the main course and the other for appetizers.  Are you having any other wedding events, like a RD or day-after thing?  We did Desi food for our Sunday brunch, so you could do one for the reception and the other for the RD.

A couple of things I'm curious about that would make a difference to me if I were in your situation:

1.  Does your FI really think no one on his side would eat Indian food, or is his mom just worried about it?  Like you said, it would be nice if she could try to get to know your culture, but likewise you want to be hospitable to his family.  I think most Americans will eat certain Indian dishes, especially chicken.  But maybe his family is really conservative and his mom is genuinely worried that they'll feel alienated.

2.  Has his mom had Indian food?  If she hasn't, maybe she's scared it will be something extreme.  My mom always worried that she would get served goat (which she wouldn't eat, many Americans don't) in India.  Maybe you can introduce your FMIL to some non-threatening Indian food.

3.  Is his mom just being difficult?  My MIL doesn't eat a G-D thing because it will "upset her stomach."  However, she is fine with expensive restaurants, desserts, and anything deep-fried.  Also, weddings are a time that brings out the most difficult side of mothers, but at the same time we all want our moms to be happy with the wedding.

raangoli

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_south-asian-weddings_hinducatholic-ceremony?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:430Discussion:b2383ea5-dc44-44be-a40d-92cc5c933d74Post:1ae0bb8a-8f11-440a-a213-5f8462706a24">Re: Hindu/Catholic Ceremony</a>:
[QUOTE] Also, if his mother is the only one voting down the Indian meal and she's isn't helping financially I say screw it and do what you want. Sorry my bridezilla moment. I just think it needs to be the compromise which works for the most people.
Posted by DFWIndian[/QUOTE]

We had a similiar situation and we went with Indian food. We actually didn't even have the Catholic ceremony, just the Hindu ceremony. At our cocktail hour we had some American style appetizers but the main meal was all Indian. Everyone loved it, no one complained the day of. We went with the theory that everyone is an adult, if they don't like it, they can make their own arrangements.

ETA: We didn't have the Catholic ceremony since it wasn't important to my husband. We tried to get a priest for a short exchange of vows but it wasn't working out and so we nixed it since he really didn't care. I didn't want it to seem like we ignored everything "American", but he had no attachments so we went without it.

temurlang

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_south-asian-weddings_hinducatholic-ceremony?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:430Discussion:b2383ea5-dc44-44be-a40d-92cc5c933d74Post:83daac41-fbe3-4cd5-b072-c3de44205423">Re: Hindu/Catholic Ceremony</a>:
[QUOTE]We went with the theory that everyone is an adult, if they don't like it, they can make their own arrangements.
Posted by raangoli[/QUOTE]

This is true, and important to keep in mind that you can't please everyone.

I went to a lot of trouble with our menu to make sure there was something for everyone.  We had lots of vegetarian guests and a lot of DH's friends don't eat one or another item (beef, fish, seafood, mushrooms, garlic).  We had a 10 course meal and it was pretty varied.  In retrospect, I don't think I should have worried about it that much... I went to a wedding where they served bacon and quiche only and half our table didn't eat pork, I'm allergic to dairy, and someone was fasting for lent and couldn't eat either.  As adults, we lived through it and ate lots of rolls.  And despite my efforts with our menu, my MOH didn't find ANYTHING in the entire 10 courses to eat.  So while I think you should try to accommodate your FMIL to some extent, I don't think you need to go overboard.

SonyaChris

Thank You everyone ... this is helpful! I'm glad to see I'm not the only one that has this issue. In a way I do think my FMIL is being difficult as when we brought it up with his father he was completely on board with trying it and said that he thinks everyone will be fine.

We are doing western apps during the cocktail hour for sure. My FI is not worried that other people won't eat it but just want to make sure his mom will. We have talked to her and since they are coming to visit my parents soon, we said that we could have her try some milder Indian food that my mom would make so to break in her stomach. She also claims that everything upsets her stomach so I know where you are coming from Temurlang! However, she then eats foods that are gauranteed to upset ones stomach ... so I think some of her complaints are just to be difficult.

I'm hoping once we have her try some homemade food, she'll come around to it. However, since we have the blessing of his father and his aunt and uncle (they are very important to him so their opinion is highly regarded), my FI is ready to go forward with the all Indian meal for the reception. But again, I just want to make sure she eats something and doesn't starve!

SonyaChris

Also I forgot to add - the majority of guests will be Indian and would most definitely prefer and Indian meal ... when I say majority, we're talking 75-25 (simply becuase his family is small). That said, we think of the 25% of his family, almost all will be willing to try the Indian food. It would be just a small handful that may not be comfortable with the idea. However, I just can't seem to justify spending so much more money for that small handful. I think someone mentioned it above - they need to be adults about it. Right?

trueleo818

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_south-asian-weddings_hinducatholic-ceremony?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:430Discussion:b2383ea5-dc44-44be-a40d-92cc5c933d74Post:d71961ce-8e30-4e11-949a-4389a275e567">Re: Hindu/Catholic Ceremony</a>:
[QUOTE]Also I forgot to add - the majority of guests will be Indian and would most definitely prefer and Indian meal ... when I say majority, we're talking 75-25 (simply becuase his family is small). That said, we think of the 25% of his family, almost all will be willing to try the Indian food. It would be just a small handful that may not be comfortable with the idea. However, I just can't seem to justify spending so much more money for that small handful. <strong>I think someone mentioned it above - they need to be adults about it. Right?</strong>
Posted by SonyaChris[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>Yes! Definitely agree! I'm glad you got things sorted out! :)</div>