IL concerns

cloudy7822

I've heard of situations where the ILs are too involved and want everything done their way, but... mine are the opposite.
They don't have an opinion about anything at all. They live out of town, so they're not helping to organize anything for the wedding--they're not even coming until 3 days before the wedding! My FI is sweet and helping out a lot, but shouldn't his parents be helping as well?! It's their son's wedding! I feel silly, but am I overreacting?!?!

SonaliPop

First off, I haven't seen you on the boards before. Welcome. Tell us some more about yourself.

Are they contributing financially to the wedding? If not, maybe they feel it isn't their place. Ask your MIL or FIL to contribute on specific things. Send them photos of floral arrangements or cakes you like, even if you have a strong opinion. That way they will give an opinion here or there. Maybe they don't want to step on your toes and let you have the control.

Call your MIL, ask her for her ideas, talk to her. Since they're out of town, do some planning over Skype. Ask your MIL to come in earlier if she can to help you. Try to include them on specifics rather than leaving the general idea of helping out there, that way you can be sure to have them give their pointers and help on things.

temurlang

I don't think it's necessarily unusual for parents of either the bride or groom to not help.  My parents demanded a wedding "their way" but didn't actually help except financially.  My ILs also demanded a whole bunch of functions, but didn't do anything... they eventually booked two of the venues because DH was getting really stressed after they lost one.  When we got to India DH had to go to the venues, set the menus, pay, etc.

This was not because they weren't happy about the marriage.  They were very excited for their only son's wedding, and they practically worship him.  They just aren't into planning.

Sonali's idea is good to just ask your FMIL her opinion on some things, especially if she has anything specific she feels strongly about.  But if they aren't interested in helping out, don't worry about it.

cloudy7822

Thanks for the advice!

And thanks for the welcome--I joined a while back but was so busy that I never really looked around on the boards here before. What a great place!
I'm getting married in exactly 3 weeks (yay!) to the most wonderful guy in the world! I'm from Gujarat and he's Tamil so sometimes it's hard to tell if certain actions are cultural or emotional. I've been trying to involve them as much as I can, but they're a bit older so that also makes it difficult. I just need to relax It could be worse!