South Asian Weddings

bridal anxiety?

I dont know if its just me or if it happens to all brides and Im sure it does but I feel like I'm going to lose it anytime now. My FI isn't really contributing much and after having a huge talk with him that led to a ridiculous arguement, I feel so alone on this! DISLIKE this feeling.

Re: bridal anxiety?

  • edited December 2011

    Dont worry trueleo
    I am right in that boat, I can say hundred things that are not done on my FI's part, and he knows that 99% of the wedding was and is planned by me, I been so understanding..my friends say to me that they are amazed how I havent lost it yet.Well I do and in bits here and there but keep it bottled up..for example our wedding is less than 82 days away..bare but important things I left on his part-tux, my wedding band, limo and hotel room booking for our wedding night. Thats it, guess what nothing done!!! I had to push to get the honeymoon booked..just few days ago.Not to mention no practice for our first dance, and I see him once before the wedding in June and then he is landing the day before the wedding (he is in chicago). So yea totally ridiculous scenario. I am so afraid nothing is going to get done, I am sleepless at nights. So just pull it together, you are not alone at this..I am in the same boat, his work has been soo busy(its no excuse, its his wedding too!!!) he is 2nd yr senior resident on MICU this year, which makes him bitter and guess who suffers and hears crap at end of his day..ME, and I pass down the frustration to my fam. Sigh..its ok..I hate the feeling too. Lets hope I dont go crazy planning this wedding. I need a drink after telling you this lol.

  • edited December 2011
    Bridal anxiety's pretty common. FI and I have had a few fights (mostly over the guest list and the budget), and he's good at dragging his feet to do things. Nagging never seems to motivate him, either, so I wind up doing most of it myself just so it gets done. He's great at coming up with ideas, but I'm the one who gets stuck turning those ideas into reality, and occasionally I get a litte fed up. I've defintely had moments where I've thought, "screw it, let's just elope."

    I find that it's best to take a day off from planning when things get too hectic. I'll avoid planning sites and work on some other project. I've always got four or five NWR crafty things up in the air at once; beading, sewiing, etc. A good book and a glass of iced tea - hot tea when the weather allows, but it's summer in Florida - is aways a nice distraction, too. Sometimes we have a date night, with the rule that we won't talk about wedding stuff at all. It helps to get away from the planning once in a while, to refocus and refresh.
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  • SonaliPopSonaliPop member
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    You are not at all alone.

    Mine wasn't always so keen on a planning process but began to get involved. Imagine my horror when the things he pointed out that he liked were (truly) ugly. A lot of planning can make both of us ugly and it's difficult as we're a couple thousand miles apart.

    Take some time off and try to talk to him about this. Tell him its his day too and you need help. It's a big project. You deserve support. Take a breather and know we have all been there, are in that moment, or are finally free of the stress...temporarily.

    You can always ask us for help, as well. Hang in there.
  • edited December 2011
    Thanks a lot ladies! its nice to know that im not the only bridezilla.

    I just feel like im doing all of the work. I know the wedding is in July of 2011, BUT time does fly and things need to get done. We live together, we see each other EVERY DAY of course, and he STILL doesn't take the time to do things on his behalf. im so frustrated. there are times where i feel like giving everything up but then i think of all the goods and why i accepted the proposal.. but honestly, can you blame me for being upset and angry with him? He sees me stressing out and knows the cause of it.. he asks if there's anything he can do, i tell him, and nothing happens. its like, ok, whats the point in me telling you if its not getting done? I started becoming really moody ever since the planning started. is that bad? Oh, and to make things even better, my Future In-laws insists that I incorporate something of the Sri Lankan tradition into my US wedding...I DONT KNOW WHAT TO INCORPORATE!! Should I just wear the Saree? Another bad thing is, i take out my stress on my family too. something i shouldn't do but it just happens. every little thing bugs me now and i just snap at the smallest things. it needs to come to an end ASAP. What ticks me off the most is having him ( FI ) come home and get mad at me for not getting certain things done in the house. it's like REALLY?!
    I'M DEFINITELY GRABBING A DRINK SOON!
  • edited December 2011
    I wouldn't call us "bridezillas." A "bridezilla" makes unreasonable demands and is basically a spoiled snot during the entire planning process, from what I've seen. We are merely frustrated brides who don't want to plan the entire event ourselves, and it looks to me like the things we want our fiances to do are reasonable. They simply aren't doing them, which is aggravating, and for good reason. After all, none of us would be called a "wifezilla" for asking her husband to be involved in the marriage. So why should we be called "bridezilla" for wanting them to be involved in the wedding planning, especially if the things we're asking them to do are things that grooms "typically" do, like buying the wedding ring and booking the honeymoon?

    So far as not knowing what to incoporate into your wedding - maybe it's time to "go over his head," so to speak, and talk to his mother/sisters on your own, if he isn't going to help or find out for you. Find out what traditions are common in their culture and their family, and choose some of them to bring in. I know how scary that can be (my in-laws are VERY unhappy that FI chose a white woman, let me tell you!), and I was lucky enough to have a friend to find that information out for me (she's staying with them temporarily) because FI's mother refuses to discuss wedding plans with me unless she's telling me not to marry her son. I do hope your relationship with your FILs is better than mine.

    But before you do that... take a break, get a drink, and read a book (one that has NOTHING TO DO with weddings, lol). Or go for a walk, see a movie, play with the puppies at a local animal shelter. Something, anything to get your head out of "wedding-mode" for a couple hours.
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  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_south-asian-weddings_bridal-anxiety?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:430Discussion:f71c8f8c-ff1f-4f95-806e-686d3348065fPost:ce7c7e6c-c6e1-4fb4-97b0-e02709e2e112">Re: bridal anxiety?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I wouldn't call us "bridezillas." A "bridezilla" makes unreasonable demands and is basically a spoiled snot during the entire planning process, from what I've seen. We are merely frustrated brides who don't want to plan the entire event ourselves, and it looks to me like the things we want our fiances to do are reasonable. They simply aren't doing them, which is aggravating, and for good reason. After all, none of us would be called a "wifezilla" for asking her husband to be involved in the marriage. So why should we be called "bridezilla" for wanting them to be involved in the wedding planning, especially if the things we're asking them to do are things that grooms "typically" do, like buying the wedding ring and booking the honeymoon? So far as not knowing what to incoporate into your wedding - maybe it's time to "go over his head," so to speak, and talk to his mother/sisters on your own, if he isn't going to help or find out for you. Find out what traditions are common in their culture and their family, and choose some of them to bring in. I know how scary that can be (my in-laws are VERY unhappy that FI chose a white woman, let me tell you!), and I was lucky enough to have a friend to find that information out for me (she's staying with them temporarily) because FI's mother refuses to discuss wedding plans with me unless she's telling me not to marry her son. I do hope your relationship with your FILs is better than mine. But before you do that... take a break, get a drink, and read a book (one that has NOTHING TO DO with weddings, lol). Or go for a walk, see a movie, play with the puppies at a local animal shelter. Something, anything to get your head out of "wedding-mode" for a couple hours.
    Posted by HisBelovedOne[/QUOTE]


    You're right. bridezilla isnt the actual word im looking for and its certainly not the  word that would describe us. Im thai/french and my FI is sri lankan, his parents are totally happy with the decision their son has made. they're not really the type to make their ONLY SON/CHILD marry someone of their race. So i guess thats a great thing? haha. Anyhow, I'm sorry your FIL's arent so happy with the choice your FI has made.. it shouldn't matter cause he's the one who loves you and wants to be with you...they should accept his happiness..
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