Offbeat Weddings

Etiquette vs. Convenience Dilemma

We had been planning on getting a self-uniting marriage license (we live in PA) because we wanted a family friend to be our officiant.  For those of you that are unfamiliar with it, a self-uniting marriage license is traditionally for Quakers (who have a large council of elders rather than clergymen), and requires no officant to sign the marriage license, just the couple and 2 witnesses.

Anyway, we go to apply (and have to drive 45 mintues out of the way to a county that actually has them) to find out that if we go that route, other states won't recognize our marriage as a legal union.  So if my health insurance is based out of another state, my husband would not be able to be on my plan.  I thought I had done my research, but I guess I missed something.

So we ended up getting a regular marriage license.  Now we have 2 options.  We can get legally married at the courthouse the day before (which is bad etiquette, and I would feel bad for kind of lying to my guests) or pay an officant hundreds of dollars to come to our ceremony site on a Saturday to marry us. We would still want our family friend to do most of the talking, so this complicates our ceremony immensely.

What would you do?

Re: Etiquette vs. Convenience Dilemma

  • It's not THAT much for an officiant, I'm paying under $200 for mine, including travel. You just have to look around.
  • I've heard of people getting ordained online. Can you friend do this? Might want to check the legalities of course. You could also get a judge or justice of the peace cheaper than a minister I'm sure.
  • If you cannot find an affordable officiant, I would not have a problem with it though others might.

    Could you move your reception to Friday as well or as a PP mentioned have a friend get ordained?

    In the end it is up to you and your FI and you have to do what makes sense and is comfortable with you.
  • Officiants aren't that expensive.  If you can find one who will agree to let your friend officiate part of the ceremony while he does the "official" parts, you'd be all set.
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  • My friend got ordained online and she is going to marry us. She wouldn't let me pay her back for it but I think it was about $30 with the package she picked. Also, you can get a list of jjustice of the peace that will come out to the ceremony site and marry you and that's about $200.
  • Hi!

    I agree with PP's. I think you should look around and see if you can afford an officiant. Some are crazy expensive, so maybe those are the only ones you've encountered. Others are more affordable though and do just as good of a job.

    If that doesn't work, I personally would go the morning of the wedding day to the courthouse only because I wouldn't want my wedding day to be different than my married day. Make sense?

    You have to do what's right for you and your FI though. Good luck!
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  • Our friend is performing our ceremony. He got ordained online. 

    http://www.themonastery.org/jcontent/training/2-wedding-training/139-a-three-step-guide-to-performing-a-wedding

    Check with the legalities in your state and county.
  • Thanks for the help! Unfortunately, Pennsylvania does not recognize internet ordained  ministers as wedding officiants, so we can't go that route.  I'll keep looking around for cheaper officiants (so far, the ones I've seen have been $400 and up!).  We can't move the wedding date because it's next month, and invitations and deposits are already out!

    I just talked to a friend who had found a cheaper and very flexible officiant, so I'm going to look into that. Thanks again!
  • edited April 2011
    I don't know if this site will help you (it looks like you need to be a member - I did not try to sign up so I know nothing about it, I'm sorry).
    I am also from near Lehigh Valley area.

    http://www.weddingministers.com/Listings.php?location=Pennsylvania
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  • Apply and get a regular license. It is possible for a friend to officiate for you if he/she is willing to become ordained with an organization such as Universal Life Church.

    He/she officiates a wedding you can write for him to say and he/she signs the paperwork and all is legal.

    Good luck!

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