Offbeat Weddings

Opinions on Help

So it seems on these boards that asking family/friends for help during your wedding is a no-no. For example asking someone to hand out programs or move chairs.

What is your offbeat take on this?

Re: Opinions on Help

  • I think it's an ushers job to hand out programs, otherwise placing them in the seats or having them in a basket would be fine. 

    My family is helping a lot, they're decorating both venues and setting everything up the morning of. I wanted to do most of it but I'm stuck at the OOT salon from 8:00 until 1:00 and my wedding is at 2:30! At this rate I'll barely have tim eto get dressed, if there are any snags in the schedule we're kind of screwed, but I guess it works lol. 

    I think people are talking about guests having to act as the photographer, catering your wedding, or other things like that which would take a ton of time and effort and make them more of a vendor than a guest.
  • My family help. As my grandma said "that is what family is for..." so really it depends on your family and friends...
    If they are cool with it, then it is not a no-no.
    With that said, I could never except the same kindness from my In Laws....
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  • I always feel bad for my family because we're the type that is always involved and assigned "jobs" in the wedding. (I am consistently the second photographer, my aunt is the main photographer, for a lot of family/friend weddings, it's our "gift" to the couple...) My mom a lot of times is the coordinator of foods, and has to make a lot of food for family weddings. We still enjoy it, but the dinner part is always work work work.

     It's always been like that, and nobody ever seems to mind, that's "just how it is in our family" so when I announced my engagment/date everyone was already signing up for jobs and I felt a little weird, just because I've read on TK about how it's "rude" but nobody thinks it is, and they feel left out if they can't help (like it's more rude for me to say no, you can't blah blah blah")

     So I'm letting ppl help, but I think I'm going to hire someone to serve the food (normally a job ppl in the fam help with) so that my fam can enjoy the dinner and not have to work, for once! They can stlil do all the other stuff they want to. :):)

    But yah, what I always thought was normal...the knot has made me feel really bad about and feel like I've always been and will be very rude to do. :(
  • My future in-laws are falling all over themselves to help.  I think there was actually a small argument over who "gets" to cook the food for the RD, lol.  FMIL is a caterer, florist, and realtor who is doing our food for free, our flowers for free, and offered to make a down payment on whatever house FI and I pick out - WOW!.  My mom used to be a cosmetologist and offered to do my hair and make-up for free, plus she's gonna help FMIL cook some of the food.  I was thinking about having FI's nephew hand out programs since everyone seems to want him in the wedding somehow but I can't find anywhere else to put him.

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  • See that was my impression.

    At all family events regardless if it is a b-day party or a wedding everyone is always helping out. I would never find it rude for someone to ask me for help. I know family would be offended if I didn't ask them to perform certain things.
  • GrauGrau member
    100 Comments
    I think the difference is asking someone to help versus that person volunteering to help out. If you (general you, no one specific) know that your family is always willing to help out, I don't see the problem. If you have family or friends that just like to, I guess you would say, enjoy the show without helping, I would find it kind of rude to ask them. But, if anyone volunteers to help, you should go for it.

    (Sorry if this is a rambling mess. I've had a long day and my brain is fried).
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  •  We actually want people to help because it shows a community behind our wedding and marriage.  Our rule is we're accepting any help that's sincerely offered and makes sense.   We may do programs to formally and publicly thank people.

    There are obviously lines that can be crossed, though.  Like if you treat your family like vendors and they don't get to enjoy the wedding.  Or if you expect help but don't actually ask for it, and then get mad when they have other plans. 

    The formality and size also matters too.  If a relative wants to help cook dinner for 20, that is different than 300 guests. 
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  • I was asked last minute to help with a few things at my FSIL's wedding and I was more than happy to do it.  I've found it a bit difficult to understand some of the comments that people have posted on other boards.  I understand that some couples are extremely traditional but I always appreciate an open mind :)
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