Non-Traditional low budget beach wedding. Need opinions

humrz28

Hi everyone. I am hoping you can help me out with my wedding planning. Eric and I got engaged in April of 2010. Due to many reasons *finances, my self esteem issues due to weight gain, not to mention freaking out over planning*, we kept delaying setting a date. We were originally planning a beach wedding with 50-70 people. Even with penny pinching we couldn't seem to get to a price range we could justify. Also, we realized that neither one of us really wants to be the center of attention with 50+ people.

So our new plan is this:
1 - Beach wedding with 10-15 people on 11/12/13 (A Tuesday)
2 - Dinner afterwards at unknown location - still working on this part. Thinking of one of the local restraunt/bars on the intercoastal
3 - We still want to have a celebration with our friends/family that weren't in the 10-15, but can't afford to have a normal reception, nor desire to. I'm not sure how long after the wedding this will be. I am thinking of using a photo from the wedding as a "postcard" which we would send out with a message along the lines of "We got married, come celebrate with us".  I was thinking of doing this sometime in the beginning of December, but worry about scheduling due to the holidays. We will most likely use a similar restraunt as the wedding dinner, just one that can handle a bigger crowd.

We don't want gifts, money, etc, but to just celebrate with our friends/family. My problem is, I don't know how to word things to where it would be clear that this is not a reception, but a get together. Along the lines of "Hey, you're paying for your own drinks and there isn't a big "to-do" of a reception, so we don't expect a gift.... just come hang out" We will have the restraunt cater some appetizers, but drinks and full meals would not be included. We want to celebrate with friends, but don't want the formal reception. I'm also trying to think of it from a "guest" point of view. I know the idea may seem a bit unconventional, which is why I'm having a bit of hard time with it. Your input would be greatly appreciated.

I hope I made sense and didn't ramble too much. It's so much easier to explain what is in my head while having a regular conversation, lol.

FluffyGumDrop2

Hi and congratulations on getting engaged!

I'm sorry wedding planning has been so stressful for you so far! Hopefully you end up having an amazing day in the end. You asked for input so I'll throw mine in, I hope it doesn't come off as rude or harsh. 

1. Make sure you check with your VIP's that they can attend a Tuesday wedding. Nothing wrong with having a weekday wedding but just make sure everyone is onboard with it first so there's no disappoint later on when x sibling can't attend due to a work conflict. 

Will most guests be local? Will any have to take off of work? On the off chance someone can't attend please don't take it personally. Some brides feel that if a guest truly cares about the bride and groom they will stop at nothing to attend their wedding but the reality is sometimes people just cannot afford to take off work. I'm sure you'll get a good turn out if you've run this past your VIP's already but just trying to think of any possible logistical issues.

2. Etiquette says that guests must be properly hosted after the ceremony but depending on the time of day this can vary widely. If money is an issue, you could consider having a 2:30pm ceremony with a cake & punch reception. This is appropriate because it is a non meal time and thus a meal is not expected/required. If you have your ceremony after 4:30pm-6pm then a meal would be expected since the reception would fall into dinner time. If you get married at 8:30pm and have your reception immediately after then you could also get away with just serving cake & punch or other desserts. 

3. The celebration with everyone else I would just wait until your one year anniversary and then throw a backyard bbq. If you don't have the space at your place, maybe your parents do or a local park? 

My only issue with your proposed plan is only paying for the appetizers. I think there's the potential for awkward situations when guests assume things are being hosted and then asked to pay? Also you're sending out invitations to people which to me implies you're hosting the event and therefore would be paying for it. If you wait until the summer or your one year anniversary then you could save up for a bbq: hot dogs, hamburgers, potato salad, pasta salad, etc. It doesn't have to be expensive and this way everyone is properly hosted. 

When you send out the invitations just say something like, "Hey come celebrate our marriage with us! Location on x date!" and it should be pretty clear that this is not a reception.

Good luck with your planning!

BMcLeodTeam

My suggestion is to throw the party wtih your family/friends as just that, a party. Don't have any indication of it being a wedding reception/part of the wedding. You can say you want to celebrate with friends/family but just dont' overthink that part of it. We did a 'party' after (we had a DW but a large one), and the best advise I have is don't put too much stress on it. Treat it like any time you'd throw a party for friends/family.