So offbeat that I don't want a wedding

Knottie_22382482

So I'm offbeat-majorly lol 

I have always been an anti wedding girl to the point where I don't even attend them. 

I recently got enaged after 7 years of dating my boyfriend. I am so anti traditional that I didn't even want a ring that looked like an engagement ring. 

I don't want any hoopla, gifts, partys, bridesmaids or any crap surrounding a wedding. I think they are a waste of time and money. 

The problem is my boyfriend would like to have celebrations and a small wedding. 

To me even having 4 people at a wedding is to many. 

How do I explain my point of view to family who want to send cards and buy gifts when I don't want them to, but don't want to seem rude. 

I'm a non traditional girl and will never give in to the norm and won't budge on this one. I'd rather die than prance down the aisle in a stupid white dress. 

theantiweddingbride

So I'm offbeat-majorly lol 

I have always been an anti wedding girl to the point where I don't even attend them. 

I recently got enaged after 7 years of dating my boyfriend. I am so anti traditional that I didn't even want a ring that looked like an engagement ring. 

I don't want any hoopla, gifts, partys, bridesmaids or any crap surrounding a wedding. I think they are a waste of time and money. 

The problem is my boyfriend would like to have celebrations and a small wedding. 

To me even having 4 people at a wedding is to many. 

How do I explain my point of view to family who want to send cards and buy gifts when I don't want them to, but don't want to seem rude. 

I'm a non traditional girl and will never give in to the norm and won't budge on this one. I'd rather die than prance down the aisle in a stupid white dress. 

kerbohl

Sounds like you are a prime candidate for a majorly offbeat wedding.  I'm not a huge girly-girl and would have been perfectly fine with just immediate family in a restaurant somewhere, but I have a big family that I love, so I went the wedding route.  But, I do love medieval feasts - I have hosted my own and gone to countless feasts myself.  So my wedding now resembles more of a medieval event rather than a traditional wedding.

My point is, find some event that you would rather do to celebrate your wedding, and make your wedding that.  Do you like hanging out at the beach?  Have a small wedding, organize some food and drinks, and just have a beach day with everyone.  Like intimate gatherings?  Back-yard wedding!  These are just examples (and not necessarily super creative) but you get the picture.  You can make it fun while still making your fiance happy.

Also, please PLEASE don't assume that wedding = white dress.  Wear whatever you want!  The white wedding dress is just a remnant from the British empire when Queen Victoria wore a white dress to her wedding, and now everyone just assumes it has to do with weddings.  Wear, blue, red, leather, jeans - what does it matter?  You should be married in whatever you want.

gmcr78

Ditto the PP.  That said, try and keep in mind that your FI wants something, so you guys are going to need to figure out a compromise that makes you both happy. 

lindseymon

I am SO with you. I did not want a wedding at all but my fiance did, so we are having a small one in 12 days. While I agree that compromise is key, I would caution you against compromising TOO much, based on my situation. I agreed to have a wedding and then promptly got all the work dumped on me, which has made me frustrated, angry and resentful for much of the process. Your fiance needs to compromise too, not just you.

Instead of gifts and a registry, perhaps you could ask friends and family who want to do something for you to donate to a charity that you like in your honor in lieu of gifts?

Instead of a traditional walk-down-the-aisle thing could you do a surprise wedding at your favorite bar or karaoke night when all of your friends were there already? Just spring it on them and then there is no pre-planning hoopla because no one knows about it! Or would your fiance be ok with a small justice of the peace ceremony at your local courthouse with just a few friends and family there?

Just please don't do what I did and completely give in to something you don't want. It won't make it fun like it should be. I have pretty much hated my wedding planning process and can't f'ing wait til it's over! 

anssett

lol. Welcome to the club. My wedding is going to be 6 friends (1 is the officiant) and FI's parents, under a cherry tree...somewhere TBD. I made my dress (with help from a friend) and it's pink tulle whimsical ridiculousness.

http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_diy_diy-dress-nearly-finished-pink-tulle-whimsical

A wedding can be anything you want. It SHOULD be a celebration of you, your FI, and your love of each other. It makes me so sad to see so many women get caught up in the circus of commercialized wedding nonesenss then be miserable planning or after when it didn't meet their expectations (and they're in debt!) Don't buy into it. Wear whatever you want. Celebrate however you want. We look forward to hearing what inspires you.

Knottie_22382482

Hah you guys rock. Thanks for making me feel better! I for sure don't want a wedding with people so eloping is probably the way to go. As for the fiance well, he has known the way I feel since the day we met 7 years ago so it's not like he's getting any surprises :P 

mcda04

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-theme-boards_offbeat-weddings_so-offbeat-that-i-dont-want-a-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Theme%20BoardsForum:43453af6-2ee4-412a-99fb-cbb447240911Discussion:3e9f03c6-34ed-48a0-9c99-47916dcd5647Post:8845c4a2-7fe3-443f-8599-76ca9d3db936">So offbeat that I don't want a wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]So I'm offbeat-majorly lol  I have always been an anti wedding girl to the point where I don't even attend them.  I recently got enaged after 7 years of dating my boyfriend. I am so anti traditional that I didn't even want a ring that looked like an engagement ring.  I don't want any hoopla, gifts, partys, bridesmaids or any crap surrounding a wedding. I think they are a waste of time and money.  The problem is my boyfriend would like to have celebrations and a small wedding.  To me even having 4 people at a wedding is to many.  How do I explain my point of view to family who want to send cards and buy gifts when I don't want them to, but don't want to seem rude.  I'm a non traditional girl and will never give in to the norm and won't budge on this one. <strong>I'd rather die than prance down the aisle in a stupid white dress. </strong>
Posted by theantiweddingbride[/QUOTE]

Then don't wear a white dress or prance down the aisle. You can wear a black cocktail dress, and walk down with your FI. it won't make you any less married.

The only red flag I see is that you can't seem to come to an agreement regarding the size. It's really not fair to make him elope or have a small wedding with parents only when he wants a celebration of some sort.

What about a destination or JOP wedding? he could invite maybe two friends and your set of parents. It would just be a casual party afterwards, no dances, cake cutting, tosses, or toasts. Maybe some pictures.

To get married, you need a groom, and an officiant. Maybe some witnesses so everything else you see about weddings is just media shoving an idea down your throat so you can spend more money.

MissLaura123

You have soooo many possibilities!  It sounds like you just want to elope, but you also want to be fair to your future hubby

My brother always said if he got married, he would get married in a pub, which is definitely off beat, not formal, and so easy going.

Think about restaurants you love...do any of them have a funky roof deck, or a pub/ restaurant with a cool vibe?  You and your FI could always get married at the courthouse alone, and then meet your family and friends at a location like this and have a few beers and appetizers.  You could keep the dress super casual.... do it on a friday so people would just join you like a regular night out.

As far as the gifts: you can always write on the invite or evite if you choose they are not necessary, but if people want to give a gift, just be gracious and smile.  

have fun, and good luck  

Gustafson28

Misslaura, gifts are never necessary so there is no need to write anything. Just don't register. If someone asks just say you just want them to come hang out with you!

BMcLeodTeam

I suggested we JOP, but my now husband wanted a big wedding. We had a BIG talk about it and I ended up giving in to what he wanted and doing the wedding thing because I saw in his eyes how important it was to him :P
So I TOTALLY get what you mean! lol