2 weddings?

leagri2813

me and my fiance were talking today and we decided that this fall we'd do a small very intimate wedding and a big one as planned next year. My mother is very sick and I want her to be at my wedding. She is set to start dyalisis within the next 5 months and might lose her leg soon due to complications from diabetes ... This fall it will be a very simple wedding maybe 15 people max where we have a ceremony and cake and then go out to dinner afterwards and next year we will keep the big wedding with honeymoon and big reception. I almost feel weird for doing this but it means so much to me to have my mother there and her health has decreased to much in the last year, I am afraid that she will be too sick to come next year. When I was talking to my fiance I almost get the feeling like he doesn't want to do this though. He says he understands why I want to do this and said he will do it but it was in a tone that said only if we HAVE too, and he made a comment like I guess its ok since we are still doing the big one next year. what has everyone else done in this situation ?

vlwayne

When is your original date?  Maybe you could move it up a bit, Have something a bit simpler than originally planned.  I'm not saying to drop everything you want, just make it affordable for a shorter time frame.  If you want your mother there these are some things you may need to do.  Just a thought, but of course you don't have to listen to me I'm just a stranger on the internet.  Good luck with your planning, and your mothers health.

Gustafson28

First of all, I'm so sorry to hear about your mom's health. I totally understand that you want to get married sooner than later. With that said, if you really want to get married in the fall go for it but don't call the "second wedding" a wedding next year. You can call it a celebration of your love but I know that this notion (from TK) will rub some people the wrong way even though you are getting married sooner because of your mom's health. Some people would see it as gift-grabby to have a "wedding" where you aren't getting married.
 
Your FI seems to be against the 2 wedding set up so have you thought about just having one big wedding in the fall? If you have everything booked for next year maybe see if your venue/photog/etc have a date in the fall that would work for them. Might not cost much or anything and then everyone is happy. I hope your mom recovers soon!

BMcLeodTeam

When you get married you really only have one wedding, after that you're already married... You can do a vow renewal but doing one that soon after the wedding, as PP said, can come across as very 'gift grabby'. Is there anyway to move up your plans to have it sooner for your Mom and still include more of what you want for your big wedding? If you are getting married sooner, that's your wedding, so own it and make the most of it! Lol

leagri2813

unfortunately there isn't anyway to move it up to this fall and have close to what we wanted, even if we cut alot of stuff out   We know that it wouldn't technically be a wedding the second time I was just calling it that. We haven't booked anything yet, thank god! I sat down and talked to him seriously about it and he said he was ok with it, wants to do it right though and has no reason why he wouldn't want to do it. He said he understands why I want to do it and why its important to me. He really is a good guy :-) I found a few places that are super reasonable and will allow up to 35 guests. He also said he wants to move our "big wedding" ( i know its not a wedding lol) back a little bit so we have more time to save. I am excited but now it's crunch time :-) we are going to look at 2 or 3 places next week and put a deposit on one.

anssett

There's no right answer here. My mother went into a coma the week of my first wedding. She had terminal cancer and recovered enough to sort of be present for the wedding (semi-lucid in a wheel chair). If I could have pushed up that ceremony to have her be able to actually enjoy it I would have. If I'd realized how sharp a turn she's take I'd have done it differently. I STRONGLY believe that having the family-oriented ceremony in these circumstances is totally OK and having a bigger wedding/party/celebration later is fine. If your friends don't understand why you would choose this and they call you 'present grabby' they're jerks! Anyone who has lost a member of their immediate family will understand.

Good luck to you. I hope you find something that works for you guys.

michellemayawheeler

if you can find a place...do an intimate wedding, have it recorded....meal, and cake...
then for your second wedding....in a year....bring her there.....take her favorite colors for your boquet..place her picture by the guest book....during the cocktail meal...show images of that day....
have an another one room situation but expand with the same colors of the first one...... use
some same flavor profiles...
love and peace

leagri2813

Thank you everyone for your ideas :-) I talked to my mom about it and the next day she said she doesn't want us to do it. That it will take away from our special day. She said she expects to be healthy enough to do it. She said that alll her doctors and people she has spoken to said that you feel 100% better when you go on dialysis, I dont know if this is true or not. I feel like I'm worrying about what if's and if she was healthier then I wouldn't have any doubts about her being able to go next year. as far as gifts, we wouldn't even be asking for gifts. It would literally be just so that if anything did happen I had my mother there on the 2nd most important day of my life, she wasn't able to be there when my son was born due to a huge blizzard. I know there are positives and negatives to both now it's just figuring out what to do. Thanks again ladies