Offbeat or not?

LAM524

Im not sure if this qualifies as "off beat" but my heart certainly skips a few beats when I think of my wedding next May! I am marrying my Pastor! Hes actually said to me once, "see me as a man first" and ,melted my heart! Problem: Our church has a congregation of over 600+ and EVERYONE expects to be invited!!!! It also doesn't help that he proposed in front of most of them!! I couldnt have asked for a more perfect proposal but those who witnessed especially think they have some direct invite! I love them all but cant afford to host such large group of people and their plus one!! If we were getting married at the church, I wouldnt feel so bad cause everyone and anone could come to the ceremon but we are not!!! Our ceremony and reception are at the same venue!!! Please help me process this!! Its been 2 months since the engagement and I really do not like attending church. On average, at least 5 people approach me and tell me how much they are looking forward to our wedding!!! My heart drops every single time! I don't want to anger or worse hurt people! I do understand its their Pastor and they want to see him/us get married but boy....I just can't! With our family and a few close friends we only have room for about 7 couples! We are keeping it to about 100-120 guests! I just dont know what to do! I am so happy and excited but I must admit, this is a great source of anxiety!!!

kerbohl

Hmmmmm - why is it not at your church?  It would be so much easier to have the ceremony at your church and then a small intimate reception elsewhere.  From what I understand from my church (and my FI church), the ceremony is then open to anyone in the congregation who wants to come since they print it on the bulletins the Sunday before, and then the reception is for those who got invites.  But I'm from Canada, and I'm talking about a CRC and a Lutheran church, so this policy might be different from country to counry or from different denominations.

You shouldn't dread going to church because of this!  People are reasonable, and I'm sure they will understand that you can't have a 600+ guest list!  Just make it clear that you are having a small wedding and couldn't invite everyone that you would have wanted there. 

Or, another suggestion might be to have a little celebration the Sunday after you are married. Buy a few cakes and have it for coffee with the congregation to celebrate with them?  Do you do coffee after the service very Sunday?  We do that at my church sometimes.

LAM524

Thanks for your advice!  There are a few reasons why we are not having the ceremony at our church but bottom line, its logistics, at not an option. Yes, we do serve coffee during our services. Someone else suggested that we do a coffee/pastry reception for the congregation before the actual wedding date. Others have suggested that we have 2 ceremony/receptions. 

You are right...I shouldnt dread going to church...but I do. If it were up to me, everyone and their mothers would be welcomed. I just don't want to hurt or insult anyone!

SilverSarahB

Keep in mind that they might not be meaning that they expect to be invited.  "I'm looking forward to your wedding" could  mean that they're excited to hear about it, talk about it, to fawn over you with "Your photos looked so beautiful, You make such a lovely wife."  

gmcr78

They are likely assuming you're being married in the church, in which case, they are welcome to attend as churches are generally open to the public.  I'd be surprised if everyone expects to be invited to your reception.
I'm sure if you mentioned that you're having a small ceremony that will not take place in the church, they'll back off.

LAM524

Its so funny how many people in this particular congregation feel...hmm...trying to find an appropriate word.....ownership...rights...(to their Pastor). When he proposed in front of about 300 of them (during our xmas pla finale) those that werent there got very upset. The attitude was, "why didnt you tell me, so I could have been there. Such a shame"  Oh boy.

BMcLeodTeam

I agree with the suggestion that maybe you guys could do a celebration of your marriage with coffee at the church? It wouldnt' be your wedding, or your wedding reception, but maybe just being able to celebrate with you would make some of them happier.

LAM524

Thanks all for your understanding my dilemma and your suggestions, good ones. We will most likely do something after ouf honeymoon with the congragation (pastries, coffee etc). Now.....if I could get heart strong!!!

BMcLeodTeam

That sounds like a great idea, a chance to celebrate with all the people that are so happy for you without having to change your wedding plans to make it happen

rmccag