2 day event

rrgrove

Hello everybody,

I would appreciate some assistance in thinking this all through.

My fiance and I are planning to do a 2 day event, where we have a sunset ceremony that is intimate and casual. It would be about 30-40 people. After that ceremony we would maybe have a toast or dessert or something. It would be pretty casual and simple.

The next day, we would have the bigger, "real" reception that would include a slideshow, yard games, dancing, a meal, etc. This reception would have about 150 people at it. The way I see it, this gives us time to really savor each phase. We would be able to be rested, not having to wake up at the crack of dawn to go decorate venues and what not. It also gives us time to really spend time with the small group that comes to the ceremony, as well as have more time to chat with people at the reception, because the people we really would want to talk to for a long time, we probably already did the night before.

My question is...is this logistically problematic? Do you think after a whole week of preparationg and guests in town, we would be too tired after the ceremony (saturday night) to be able to muster up the energy for a reception? At which one is it more typical to have pictures taken at? Do we have to do hair twice? Pictures twice? Would it be awkward to spend our first night as a married couple and then have to get up and face everyone we know?

I'd appreciate thoughts of people on this one! Have you done anything similar? Are there any details I'm not thinking of?

Thanks!

gmcr78

I would not do this. What you're talking about is a tiered wedding/reception.  I think the guests who were not invited to the wedding on the first day would be put off by this. 
Also, logistically I don't think it makes any sense.  Guest may not be able to or want to commit to 2 days for your wedding.  It's much more convenient to do the ceremony/reception all in the same day, and invite the same people to both.

ETA: I can't spell, apparently

BMcLeodTeam

I agree that doing this is problematic for many of your guests. Often you get a much higher 'no' RSVP simply because they are unable to put two days aside for your wedding.
Also anyone invited to your reception should be invited to the ceremony UNLESS the ceremony is solely immediately family. If you invite anyone outside of your immediate family then etiquette states you need to open it up to everyone.

rrgrove

Well the people that are invited to the ceremony are just close friends who i have already spoken to about coming. it is similar to having a rehearsal dinner and wedding, because we would not have a rehearsal dinner. it'd just be a small ceremony and then the next day the "real" reception. I don't think that is asking too much of people, is it?

FluffyGumDrop2

It's not a rehearsal dinner though, it is your wedding that people will be missing out on. People make great effort to attend a wedding, but when they find out they're not even getting to see the ceremony but just attend the day-after yard game event, you might find a lot of people will be upset or decline attending. 

I understand that you want your close friends and family to see your get married first, but it really does come off as a tiered reception. These people are good enough to see me get married and hang out but you can come the next day, it'll be the same I promise except you won't see me get married. 

I hope none of this comes off as offensive or rude because it really isn't my intention, but I guess I just don't understand why you don't have a small wedding with those 30-40 people you want. Why pay for a larger event the second day when most of those people aren't even going to witness you getting married? "You're not seeing me get married but I did it this way so we'd have more time to talk" is just how it comes off from your reasoning and I'm sure that is not at all your intention or desire. 

Aim for a one day event with everyone or cut back the guest list? People like to witness the ceremony part of the "wedding" they are attending otherwise its just a backyard bbq and people might not make as much of an effort to attend that. Also like PP said, people only get so much time off and while a two day event may be your dream wedding you'll have to accept that it might mean people won't attend. Are guests who will be attending the second event aware that they won't be watching the ceremony then but just doing the reception? If it's a surprise then you might have to deal with a lot of guests going "oh, I thought the ceremony was today" and having to re-explain everything throughout the day. You'll never please everyone but just keep it in mind when heading forward with your planning. 

BMcLeodTeam

As PP said its not similar thought, because its not a rehearsal. This is the actual ceremony, the whole reason for there being a reception. The message you'll send to your guests (the ones that are only invited to the reception) is "I'm sorry you're not good enough to actually see me get married, but as a consolation you can come celebrate afterwards".

anssett

I'm essentially going to one of these tomorrow! They split it over 2 weekends for other logistic reasons.

Tomorrow is the tiny ceremony. Next weekend is a 2 day camp out with 100ish people. Many people are coming to the camp out party and not the ceremony and there were some hurt feelings but it's what the bride/groom wanted. It's nearly impossible for the bride/groom to connect with people at a normal wedding reception. They're busy, there are a ton of people, they're nervous, they're ...it's what it is. Many people are happy with that. I can understand why you would want a tiny ceremony with just people you want to focus on, then do a bigger party later.

I think it sounds great. As far as doing your hair twice, do whatever makes you happy. Tradtions make many people happy. They don't make me happy. They don't have to make you happy. You can do what makes you happy. I'm sure you love your guests and will make choices that give them a chance to enjoy your event. But you don't have to be a slave to tradition.

RWS2011

This is not a matter of adhering to or deviating from tradition but rather how you are treating people that are your guests at an important event you are hosting.  I never hear about people doing tiered christenings, bar or bat mitzvahs, quinceaneras or other important ceremonies, but because of the "my special day" complex some brides seem to ignore the social ramifications of their vision and choices.

OP, many people ask for advice on these boards.  Too often, what they actually seem to want is validation of a choice they have already made.  If you are indeed wondering whether or not to host a tiered reception, most would agree this is a bad idea that will make some guests feel "B" listed and second rate.  If you have already made up your mind that this is what you want to do and are unconcerned by how you might make your guests feel, it is your life to live.

good2Bqueen13

To the OP:

Unfortunately, TK is not the place to ask questions about Ceremony/Reception Guest Lists. They are either unfamiliar with or misunderstanding what a "Tiered Reception" is as well as proper Guest List etiquette.  I would suggest you pose your question to a site like topweddingquestions.  Questions are answered by wedding professionals who know the proper etiquette.  That said, I've found TK to be the perfect place to ask any other etiquette questions because they are quite knowledgeable about nearly everything else and are spot-on with their advice.

First, a Tiered Reception has ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to do with your Ceremony Guest List. That's where TK members tend to get derailed.  It is fine to have a private ceremony of family and close friends and to invite additional guests to the reception only.  However, every one invited to your wedding must be invited to your reception.  And why would any one be upset to be invited to the reception only?!  Hey, free food, free booze, no gift necessary, and no need to sit through the ceremony.  (I say that in jest, of course - I've found the lack of Guest List Etiquette knowledge here is matched only by the lack of sense of humor upon being called out.)

Two (and even three) day weddings are becoming increasingly popular.  Some weddings are even week long events.  There is nothing wrong with having a sunset ceremony with a reception the follwoing day.  Most likely the people you are inviting to your ceremony are close enough to you that they will absolutely be thrilled to spend two days on your celebration.  And those invited to the reception only will only have to give up one day.

I admit that I am no expert on the "Tiered Reception" because that phenomenon manifested long after I got out of the wedding business.  However, I do understand it's origin.  A "tiered reception" is when you invite certain guests to only part of your reception in an effort to save costs.  How any one could even consider this as anything but rude is beyond me, so I can't imagine how it even became an actual issue.  This means you cannot invite "special" guests to the dinner portion, and then invite additional guests to the dancing portion.

Because of my lack of experience with "tiered receptions", I am reluctant to comment on whether or not having a small toast/dessert after your ceremony as well as a full reception the following day would be considered tiered. I am struggling with a similar situation in that I would love to provide a low tea for my ceremony guests immediately following the ceremony.  I don't want to send them away hungry, but I don't want to have a tiered reception either!  I feel like it's teetering on dangerous ground here, so I'll ask a professional consultant or maybe the Emily Post website before I decide on the low tea.

As for being to tired for a reception the following day, I would think you would be more rested than those waking at the crack of dawn to run last minute errands and DIY projects, getting hair done, etc. etc..  Many couples have a brunch the morning after and they do well, too.  I say your plans are lovely as they are.  Go for it - but do double check with another site about that tiered reception thing first to be sure the toast/dessert is appropriate.

Sorry for the long post, BTW, but lots to be said!