Secret Beach Wedding & Reception Later

Jamieleemay

Hello everyone! I am looking for some advice.

What we are planning on doing is getting married on the beach where one of our friends is ordained and each of us only having one friend present, plus a photographer, who is also a friend, (=6 people total, including us). Then we are going to have a larger reception about a week later.

At the reception, we also want to do a sort of "joining of the families ceremony".  Here, each of our parents (=4 total) would light a unity candle together signifying the joining of our families into one and also signifying them "belssing" our union.  My finaces grandmother would be the overseer of this event, as she is an ordained minister (and also very mad that she didn't get to marry us, but that is another subject). I hope this is making sense.

I am looking for any advice that you have on the ceremonies! Particularly readings and flow of the cermony, but I would love any input as I am pretty much making this up!

Thanks in advance everyone for your time.

Jamie

brit_bell90

By secret I hope you don't mean that your not telling your guests that you're already married. Some guests would be peeved about being misled, so you would have to have your invite wording a little different to express that it's not actually a wedding ceremony. 

Otherwise could you get married by your family member and have a nice renewal of vows on your 1st anniverary? This way no one's feelings would be hurt and you'll get both ceremonies that you want.

musikbx

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-theme-boards_offbeat-weddings_secret-beach-wedding-reception-later?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Theme%20BoardsForum:43453af6-2ee4-412a-99fb-cbb447240911Discussion:f327638e-83f1-43e3-8cf3-86f3a46c6dfePost:60ecf76c-1c4d-478a-a7f3-f34d047f67a5">Secret Beach Wedding & Reception Later</a>:
[QUOTE]Hello everyone! I am looking for some advice. What we are planning on doing is getting married on the beach where one of our friends is ordained and each of us only having one friend present, plus a photographer, who is also a friend, (=6 people total, including us). Then we are going to have a larger reception about a week later. At the reception, we also want to do a sort of "joining of the families ceremony".  Here, each of our parents (=4 total) would light a unity candle together signifying the joining of our families into one and also signifying them "belssing" our union.  My finaces grandmother would be the overseer of this event, as she is an ordained minister (and also very mad that she didn't get to marry us, but that is another subject). I hope this is making sense. I am looking for any advice that you have on the ceremonies! Particularly readings and flow of the cermony, but I would love any input as I am pretty much making this up! Thanks in advance everyone for your time. Jamie
Posted by Jamieleemay[/QUOTE]

Is there a reason you are choosing to have such a small ceremony, and have the reception a week later? A secret beach wedding followed by a big reception, add to that the fact that you blew off your FI's grandma who is already an ordained minister? To be honest, it sounds like a lot of people may be hurt by this plan.

The people who aren't invited to the beach ceremony might feel like they "didn't make the cut" for your "real wedding." Having the big reception after your intimate beach ceremony may seem like a bit of an afterthought. It might come across as "hey, let's throw a reception so those other people in our lives can fawn over us an bring us gifts!" I know you might not mean it this way, but be prepared that it may come across that way to your guests.

sessionswedding

I'm with PPs, you're gonna need to explain your thinking further.  What do you mean by "secret?"  Why not have FI's grandmother marry you?  Why only 6 people at your real wedding?  Why is the "fake wedding" (which is what many guests will see it as) being held a full week later?

Jamieleemay

By secret I mean the beach is actually secret and no one is ther. Everyone knows that we are havin a wedding and then the reception and joining of the families ceremony a week later. To us, getting married has two part. First, it is a commitment between two people, then it is also a joining of two families together. We have decided to separate these into two separate ceremonies. We really want a day that is just about us, and we feel that with the way our families are a traditional wedding would not accomplish that. If we could just have a ceremony with just us two we would! But the law says we can't. The reason that we have chosen not to have my FIs grandma marry us is that he did not want that. She has done ceremonies for other family members and he says that she always cries through the ceremony and no one can ever understand what she is even saying. So we decided to have a second ceremony to signify the joining of the families and hopefully to signify that they give their blessing for us to be wed. What Im thinking is that it will kind of work like a wedding ceremony, but instead of being up there alone, we will have each of our parents by our side. His grandmother will do some readings, and then each of our parents will light a unity candle and maybe say something if they wish? I haven't worked out the flow totally yet. The unity candle has our initials in the center and all four of their last names around our in an oval shape. Also, the taper candles will have the parents last name on it so they can take it home for a keepsake. And we pretty much aren't inviting anyone to the wedding, to try and not make people feel like they didn't 'make the cut'. It's been hard but we truly believe this is the best fit four our style. Ps, we were already goin to ask that guests not bring gifts! Just that they come enjoy the ceremony.

Grau

I am fine with having a private ceremony on the beach, and than having a reception for everyone later on. And I think it is perfectly fine to have a private ceremony with very few people invited to it (if any at all).

Personally, I really don't understand the need for the second ceremony, at the reception. Why don't you just cut out the second ceremony during the reception? If you wanted, you could still have someone give speeches or readings, and even a short video of the ceremony?

MeatAuditor

Ceremonies are seriously so short!  To me, it seems like you have some good ideas with meaning behind them, which is important.  Adding stuff just to be "filler" and increase the time of the ceremony never feels meaningful.

We're thinking of ways to incorporate our guests - something like the Irish pebble ceremony or a ring passing to get the guests actually involved.  I think our guest count is too high for a ring passing (afraid someone will drop them!), but it could work at your beach ceremony.

sessionswedding

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-theme-boards_offbeat-weddings_secret-beach-wedding-reception-later?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Theme BoardsForum:43453af6-2ee4-412a-99fb-cbb447240911Discussion:f327638e-83f1-43e3-8cf3-86f3a46c6dfePost:eacafa50-35b7-426c-b783-4849433f0652">Re: Secret Beach Wedding & Reception Later</a>:
[QUOTE]By secret I mean the beach is actually secret and no one is ther. Everyone knows that we are havin a wedding and then the reception and joining of the families ceremony a week later.
Posted by Jamieleemay[/QUOTE]
So it's a secret, but everyone knows about it?  Doesn't that make it NOT a secret?

kissa51

Oddly enough, I am struggling with planning a very similar ceremony/reception.

We want to do the private beach ceremony with only parents and siblings and then come home and have a giant reception much in the style of an open house graduation party. No secrets to our ceremony, everyone would be aware of the arrangements.

It was very important to us to have it be "our" day. A celebration of the two of us and our union without all of the pomp and circumstance and stress.

However, we have encountered ALOT of resistance to this plan. And to be honest, it has been very difficult and hurtful.  What many of the previous posters have said is exactly what we are running into; that people will feel (or already feel) hurt and that many family members will not come because it "just isn't the same."

In order to combat that, we have thrown around the idea of a "blessing ceremony" that would take place at the reception.  Nothing incredibly formal but just a small intimate ceremony with family only that allows them to pray over us and feel a part of the union, so to speak.

I fear there is not really a good answer to this situation. At least where I am coming from you elope or you have the big church wedding... and anything else is too weird.

Jamieleemay

The secret is not that the wedding is secret, but the beach is! Kissa, I definitely understand what you are going through! We have had a lot of people with hurt feelings. People say that it's 'your' day and you can do whatever you want, but honestly I don't believe that people truly feel that way. Anyway, I like the idea of a blessing ceremony or some sort of second ceremony, to involve the family. You deserve your day, but the family also deserves their day too. I think that if people don't want to show up then they obviously don't care enough about what you guys want. I think there can be a happy medium. It's all abot how you word everything (like announcements) and about how you make your guests feel!