Very bad situation!

Sara-holli812

So to make a long story short, my fiance's mom has backed out of hosting our wedding shower, a WEEK before the shower.  It was a huge blow up between Holli and her mom, and subsequently, we found out that she didn't support our marriage.  I think we could deal with this better if she was against the "gay" part of this situation, but she simply disagrees with marriage in general and has done this to all of the kids in the family.  Now her mom is not even attending the wedding.  She is so manipulative and controlling that her father, and brothers will not be coming either, as not to upset her.
I'm at a loss. 
We are 3 weeks away from the wedding. And we didn't get to have a shower, which we were excited about.  (not really for presents, but for our families meeting and the cake and fun) And now Holli doesn't get to have her mother at her wedding.  My family has been incredible to her, and I know it means the world to her.  But there's nothing that can replace her mother's presence. Is there ANYTHING i can do to make up for her not being there??  And what do we do about the mother and father dances???  I can't dance with my mother and father, knowing she doesn't have that.  I don't know what I should let go of to make sure she feels like the bride she should on our wedding day....

2dBride

My sympathies!  For what it's worth, I also have a mother who is manipulative and controlling, in ways that have nothing to do with the gender of my partner.  Fortunately, we knew this early enough with my mother that we just didn't invite her.  Finding this out three weeks before the wedding has to be even rougher.

I think you'll need to talk to Holli about what she'd like to do at this point.  For example, would she like to dance with your father while you dance with your mother, and vice versa?  Or would she feel better just not having any parent dances?  This stuff is so individual that I hesitate to recommend one or the other without knowing how she feels about it.

Best wishes as you work through this.  And don't forget to give Holli some extra hugs as she is dealing with this difficult situation.

daniec

I am so sorry you both are going through this Sara. Big hugs to you both! I think 2dbride's suggestion of switching off your parents during the dance sounds like a great idea. I am sure Holli is still hurting from her family.

Perhaps your parents could offer this suggestion to her? It may help her to really realize that she is marrying into an accepting and supportive family.

For what its worth, my mom came to our wedding. It was clear to friends and family that she only did it so as not to be thought of negatively. That failed! Once the day has arrived, you both will be happy to look out and see the supportive friends and family who truly want this marriage to take place.

It is hard to see that now. I am sending positive vibes your way for a spectacular day!

Dana

Muffin'sMom

Is there someone who is important to her that could stand in for her?  This has happened in cases where the parents are deceased, or objected from the beginning. 

tazman75

I agree with most of the people on here. I am sorry to hear her parnets won't be their to share this big moment in her life. I hope everything works out for you guys.

SSaltzman87

That's really unfortunate for your partner. I wouldn't wish that kind of treatment on anyone. Best of luck with your situation and I hope things turn around for you and Holli!