Help with LGBT wedding training!

norika33

Hello from long ago! I was on The Knot back in 2004, when we petitioned to have the LGBT board created, which now there's multiple boards- so awesome!! (Now, I'm mostly on The Bump- twins and all...)

So, for work, we're doing a training for a local wedding venue on how to be inclusive for SS couples- its a basic training with tips, but I figured I'd ask if there was one thing you wished your vendors did differently to accomodate you being LGBTQ?

Thanks in advance for your help, and good luck planning!

OStier

We are in the planning stages and one thing I would say is we are fighting for Equality so, we all want to be treated like you would treat any other couple who is getting married. Don't try to patronize us by lame attempts to show you approve of LGBT people marrying by saying you "watch Ellen" or your favorite tv show was "Will and Grace" or something like that. If you have limited experience with LGBT weddings, just be honest but open to having us talk to you openly and honestly about our needs and expectations. This is also just like any other couple. 
When we call you to inquire about a good or service, please try to not do that pregnant pause over the phone which makes us immediately uneasy trying to discuss our needs. Those pregnant pauses, flinches and and weird reactions really detract from our joy and excitement . We are elated brides and grooms who simply want to have a beautiful wedding just like everyone else.  So our advice to anyone who is interested in servicing the gay and lesbian wedding market is simply this. TREAT US LIKE A CUSTOMER WITH YOUR SAME CUSTOMER SERVICE STANDARDS, PROFESSIONALISM and GRACE...

nicknuttnc

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_gay-weddings_lgbt-wedding-training?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:44Discussion:1e1456cd-0555-486a-827b-c2e5c97dac7bPost:df6fb01d-e725-4472-a2e1-8586ad804b3e">Re: Help with LGBT wedding training!</a>:
[QUOTE]We are in the planning stages and one thing I would say is we are fighting for Equality so, we all want to be treated like you would treat any other couple who is getting married. Don't try to patronize us by lame attempts to show you approve of LGBT people marrying by saying you "watch Ellen" or your favorite tv show was "Will and Grace" or something like that. If you have limited experience with LGBT weddings, just be honest but open to having us talk to you openly and honestly about our needs and expectations. This is also just like any other couple.  When we call you to inquire about a good or service, please try to not do that pregnant pause over the phone which makes us immediately uneasy trying to discuss our needs. Those pregnant pauses, flinches and and weird reactions really detract from our joy and excitement . We are elated brides and grooms who simply want to have a beautiful wedding just like everyone else.  So our advice to anyone who is interested in servicing the gay and lesbian wedding market is simply this. TREAT US LIKE A CUSTOMER WITH YOUR SAME CUSTOMER SERVICE STANDARDS, PROFESSIONALISM and GRACE...
Posted by OStier[/QUOTE]



I so agree with this statement. In my experiences with planning I would want vendors to understand this is a wedding in every sense of the word. We want the same experiences as any other couple. I loved it when my vendors are just ordinary. I laugh at comments like any other person.

jayetheartist

I agree with PPs.  There's nothing special you have to do for a gay couple that you wouldn't do for a straight couple.  When I met with the people at our venue the fact that we were a same sex couple wasn't even a topic of discussion.  They congratulated us on our engagement and made wedding small talk (Have you been dress shopping yet? How long have you been engaged?  etc, etc)  We talked about the rules for decorations, when and how we could get access to the space, what equipment was available, parking, alcohol policy, etc, etc.  We made small talk about what kind of food we were going to serve and what a mess glitter can make.  They didn't once make any kind of comment that hinted that they thought our wedding was at all unusual or different. 

The absolute best thing a wedding-related business can do to attract gay couples is to do things exactly the way they do for any couple and skip the awkward "I want you to know how cool I am with gay people" stuff.

K&J64

I agree with PP, but will also add it would have been nice not to have to cross out "groom" on all those forms I had to fill out. Why not make all encompassing forms and just have it for "Couple's Names:" I know it's silly, but It would have been a nice touch. I also think another helpful thing would be not to assume any couple (gay or straight), plans to do things traditionally. Just ask them what they want to do, they'll tell you all the details.

chrmun

So, there's an awesme website called "so you're engayged".  They have a written a really good resource on making your business friendly to the LGBT peeps.

It is here. (Click.)

I hope it helps!

davenport52803

I agree just try to make it a non issue.  WIth some vendors I never told them we were both guys, just said my fiance and I. Then when we showed up, they saw we were both men. For most it wasnt an issue, the one that sticks out is a Hotel that we were thinking about having our reception at. They had the whole month open on Monday, but when we came in on Tuesday, it was booked overnight when they met us.  Overall, even though its not that big of a deal to me, I agree with just using a generic "couples names" indstead of bride and groom.  Just treat us like everyone else!

norika33

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_gay-weddings_lgbt-wedding-training?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:44Discussion:1e1456cd-0555-486a-827b-c2e5c97dac7bPost:371a8a58-9ed2-4be4-8a0d-6d913927b9e5">Re: Help with LGBT wedding training!</a>:
[QUOTE]So, there's an awesme website called "so you're engayged".  They have a written a really good resource on making your business friendly to the LGBT peeps. It is here. (Click.) I hope it helps!
Posted by chrmun[/QUOTE]

<div>Didn't know about this guide, but I figured it would exist somewhere. THANKS!</div><div>
</div><div>Thanks everyone for your thoughts, we covered most of them, and stressed that same sex couples are excited and nervous about getting married as anyone else, so share that excitement and don't treat us any different (except maybe changing those darn forms)</div>

kay136

I'm not LGBT but I  hope most people are open minded and understand that a wedding is a wedding no matter if it's man and a woman, two men, or two women. Unfortunately, some are still closed minded, depending on the area you live it it might be harder than others. Hopefully you will be able to be so happy that you are engaged and getting married that you will let the anything negative just roll right off your shoulders.

Congrats everyone! Good luck Planning! Here's to equal rights for all!

And Norika33 those bables are beautiful.

cwestra

If the venue is serious about appealing to LGBT folks, I'd encourage them to make sure those couples are visible in their materials - if they post pictures of previous weddings on a website, make sure there's a few pictures of LGBT couples. If they have a portfolio that they display at showings, same things. When we were shopping for venues, seeing that other gay couples had been married at a venue - and that a venue is proud of that - went a long way for us.