Frustrations

dyoc235

My girl and I are working on our wedding for this June. Her mom today is bugging us about the wording on our save-the-dates because she doesn't agree with it saying "married." I'm not sure if we should compromize with "united" just because they have been generally supportive of us. Just not sure how to react yet.

Also looking for a good place to rent a tux for a female. Anyone know of any?

tke203

This is a problem that you could be facing for a while.  If you back down now and use the word "united" you'll have to go through it all over again (and again and again) at different points in the wedding plans, the wedding, and your whole life together.  If you two see yourselves as "marrying" (even if you're not legally doing it) then you need to say you're getting married so people know what it is now, so you don't have to keep re-explaining it to everyone you know for the rest of your relationship.

2dBride

tke203, this is actually a major reason we made sure that what we did was a legal marriage in the state in which it was performed, even thoughour marriage will not currently be recognized by either the federal government or our home state.  We have friends who had a commitment ceremony, then had a Vermont civil union, then had a Connecticut wedding.  At this point, if our state and/or the federal government ever recognizes same-sex marriages--or if we ever move to a state that does--we'll already be married without having to go through yet another ceremony.

dyoc235, I agree with tke203 that while the wording of the STDs may seem trivial, it is a symptom that you are facing a much bigger battle.  If you can't even use the word "married" on your STDs, will they recognize you as married after the ceremony?  And if you go along with this and tell all your family and friends that you are only united, not married, are you encouraging them to trivialize your relationship in the future?