So upset about my father and his refusal to help and support me

2BrideDisneyWedding

So my father eight out refuses to help at all for my wedding. He is being a total **** about the whole gay marriage and how it's not even legal so what's the point ect.... My sister had a 50,000 wedding and he payed for it without batting an eyelash!!! But now that I am 28 an found my life partner he doesn't care. I hate that I even had to ask for his help, my father and I do not get along very well. However I am going for my second masters in teaching and working in a day care center.. Unfortenitly my fw is on workmens comp with a knee replacement that went bad I am so upset right now I don't know what we are going to do. Her mom is willing to give us some help but knowing everything we have to pay that goes beyond the rh is making me more ill... Any advice is grately appreciated. I don't think we are going to be having a wedding. On another note I don't want a backyard wedding! You only get married once and that is definitely not the wedding I want to tell my kids about! Also I want to have our wedding in the late spring earl summer of 2012 because I am hoping to get a real teaching job when I graduate out of new York hopefully in fl. I haven't slept in three nights over this

daisywithak

Don't stress so much about this. I know it's frustrating but remember that your wedding doesn't have to happen right away. Your best option is to push the wedding back until you can afford to have the ceremony/reception that you really want.  Figure out how much you can reasonably save each month and start putting that aside.  If you know how much your FI mother is willing to contribute then add that into the budget as well.  Once you know how much you can save then plan a date from there. 

Good Luck!

K&J64

I agree with PP. Start saving up now and plan your budget accordingly. Decide what items are the most important to you and your FI and save towards those first.

sustot

Take a breath and step back.  You've already stated what you wanted your wedding to be, so just wait a little longer and budget accordingly to get it.  I know Kcullen quotes "When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible." I think we all feel that way...so you now have to decide what is more important, the wedding of your dreams or having your wedding next year.  (From reading your posts, I think I know the answer to that question). 
As we've all learned thru this process the biggest part of wedding planning is BUDGET!  We saved for years to have the wedding of our dreams and now I get to marry my dream girl.

alisonz

We did have help from my family, but only 1/2 as much as we needed to have our dream wedding. I, like you, didn't want to compromise a thing about my vision, so we chose to make a strict savings plan and waited 18 months until we could afford to have everything we hoped for.

I cried for weeks when I first realized I couldn't get married as soon as I wanted (I had been with my partner 6 years at the time) so I understand the despair that you're feeling right now and the urgency to get married WHEN you want to. But in retrospect, it was definitely worth the wait for us. 

When you look back in 10 years you're going to think it was the most wonderful day of your life, not that it was a year or 2 later than you wanted.

sbanton9411

I know this is your day and nothing we say can make you feel any better. I just wanna say I am really sorry you have to deal with all of this while planning such a special day for you and the love of you life,keep your head high and things  will fall in place when they  should. .Steph!!!

sharkgrl

*straight girl invasion*

You are SO not alone, even in the opposite sex community we get the same stuff from our parents, interracial, socioeconomic differences, and just cases where parents only want us to be happy on THIER terms...

Just remember your wedding day is about you and the family you and your wife are creating, and parents usually do come around eventually...just remember, in the mean time, your steadfast security in yourself and your example of what a commited, caring, kind relationship is will speak for itself.

RockMarie

We had no help from the parents, but we had a whole lot of help from friends.  We were trying to figure out how to register gifts of service, rather than toasters and such.  Never did figure it out, but friends stepped in anyway.
My best man gifted us with the photography.
The cake was a gift from a friend.
My lady got waxed, massaged and makeup done professionally as gifts.
Another friend altered the dress for us.
The flowers were a gift.
We had potluck, so really, all the reception food was a gift.
Both of us had manis and pedis done by a friend.
The dress was from the thrift store.

We never thought we could ever afford such a beautiful wedding, BUT WE DID!!!


Sometimes it's not worth waiting until you can "afford" it.  Set a date and step out on faith that it will be perfect!  and it will be!