How traditional is too traditional

shaneollenberger

so we are in the middle of planning our wedding and having a blast doing it.

two of my gay male friends were over the other night and thought that we were going about this all wrong and too "straight" and  traditional.

I thought we were doing a balance......

its backyard

its cocktails and canape reception

not wear a tux

having a minister that we know very welll doing the ceremony

having an aisle to walk down

chooseing music for the processional and recessional but not your typical classical 

I just never thought about it and thought why can't two gay getting married have a traditional wedding or even a blend like we are doing?

ACMRAW

I think it sounds like a beautiful wedding. Maybe the couple you were talking to just had a different vision for themselves? Or maybe they are worried that if you have an aisle or a traditional "straight" wedding then your audience may be trying to figure out who the "bride" of the two of you is, which may or may not cause problems. I think your plans sound very lovely though, really!

2dBride

My experience has actually been that gay couples often have more traditional weddings than straight couples.  In any event, regardless of the genders of the couple getting married, you get to choose how traditional or otherwise you want to be.

mmy101

Personally, I think you should do whatever feels comfortible for the both of you! Our wedding was very taditional, because that was how I always dreamed it, not because of my choice of partner. That being said, don't do anything you/your partner doesn't want to do just because it's "tradition". We didn't do a garter toss, but we did to a bouqet etc. Nobody said our wedding wasn't "gay enough" or "too straight", do what you two want!! Happy planning!

QueerFemme

I agree with everyone else.  Don't do or don't do anything, just to satisfy someone else's idea of what is right and wrong.  From the outside, our wedding was very "traditional".  We also avoid the bouquet toss and garter toss.  I'm pretty sure the fact that there were two vaginas involved made it untraditional enough.  I wasn't worried about anyone else's ideas.

shaneollenberger

thanks puts my mind at ease a bit.

you are right it is our day and it is about us and what we want

Daizy106

a wedding is a wedding whether your straight or gay. It sounds very nice, laid back and romantic. Remember this is YOUR wedding. The only two people that matter in the wedding are the groom and groom or bride and bride or bride and groom! Congrats and good luck! and enjoy your special day

2dudeshappy

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_gay-weddings_how-traditional-is-too-traditional?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:44Discussion:a8bff64f-1e8e-40d7-9d8f-9bee01cefd59Post:ada3c37a-9748-4453-be31-ad5ccfb200ce">How traditional is too traditional</a>:
DO IT YOUR WAY!  Don't worry about if it's modern or traditional....just be you.  It's being you that will shine through and that's how everyone there knows you!  Something we did because we chose to have no attendants....

We asked his mother to come up and give me his ring.  We asked my sister (mom had passed) to bring him my ring. Not only did it mean so much to us both, but everyone there was wonderfully touched.  We just love our families so this seemed the natural thing to do.

Best wishes! 
[QUOTE]so we are in the middle of planning our wedding and having a blast doing it. two of my gay male friends were over the other night and thought that we were going about this all wrong and too "straight" and  traditional. I thought we were doing a balance...... its backyard its cocktails and canape reception not wear a tux having a minister that we know very welll doing the ceremony having an aisle to walk down chooseing music for the processional and recessional but not your typical classical  I just never thought about it and thought why can't two gay getting married have a traditional wedding or even a blend like we are doing?
Posted by shaneollenberger[/QUOTE]

CaitieMay85

There is no such thing as TOO striaght. Have the wedding of YOUR dreams.

kchakoian

This was a relief to see.  I'm recently engaged to my partner and I've found as we drift in and out of different friend/family groups that for some we are being "too radically different" and for others we are being "too straight" and "not queer enough".  My partner and I are committed to find a balance that is meaningful to us, but it can be hurtful for your closest friends and family to step into those judge-y realms.

Looking for support in shared experience.

Keep making choices that feel right to you and your partner, and keep sharing about how it goes! 

Thanks

heidirs731

Couldn't begin to tell you what you what makes a wedding "too straight" or "too queer." What? Talk about laugh out loud. It's a wedding. I don't know anything in the description that you gave that would make me label your wedding as anything than a wedding. It's your day, do what you want, and ignore the nay sayers. It's not your job to make them happy.