Is this normal?

equinedreamer

I grew up in a very conservative home and my parents were very anti-homosexual. To the point where my father practically chased away my mom's only sister because she was a lesbian. Now my mother is working through her feelings about her sister and my father has since passed away (We were very close) I finally got over my fears and realized that I wasn't abnormal but a lesbian! Growing up I could never figure out why I just didn't feel attracted any men and felt very close to and attracted to women. Anyway I mostly moved on from this fear and found a wonderful woman that I am deeply in love with and want to spend the rest of my life with. I am for the most part very comfortable with myself as long as I am at college where I have a strong network of supportive friends but as soon as I go home I am left with only my mom and little brother and I once again feel like I am less than human almost. I have come out to my mom and that did not go well so now I am wanting to get married and have a family but I feel like I can't really enjoy this because of my family. I know this sounds bad but I almost wish that my girlfriend was a guy because then I could enjoy this wonderful part of my life with my whole family and not sneak around and feel guilty later. I've gotten a little better about it but I know the whole "wish you were a guy" complex is upsetting my dreams. I just wanted to know if these feelings were normal and if so what can I do about them?

tazman75

I was in the same place you are. It was hard at first. My do not acept the fact that i am with a man and that we are getting married. I went to conseling which has help me learn to handle everything. I do not hide who I am anymore and not to my family. it is hard but you have to just let them deal with it in their own way and move on it is hard I have been there.

pavingtheroad

The best thing to do is tell your mom exactly what your telling us. You cant help who you fall in love with. It might be hard for your mom to accept initially but she will come around

2dBride

Honestly, when a big part of who you are is rejected by your parents, it is hard to maintain your own self-image.  However, it is also important.  And it may require counseling.  Even if all of us on here tell you that you do not have a problem--it's your mother who has a problem with who you are--that is a very hard message for you to internalize without help.

Knottie_22388062

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mundaetraversa

The good news is that you're in college now, with more opportunities to explore who you are and enjoy your life without guilt and immediate issues in your daily life.  It's understandable that you have some conflict with Mom on this topic - you are coming from two different points of reference.  I'm sure she just wants you to have a good life and a healthy relationship, so remember that.  But (and this is big) that good intention does not give her the right to make unrealistic demands on you.  You are gay.  That's how it is.  And that, above all, is FINE.  There is nothing wrong with you, and there is nothing wrong with your girlfriend.  She does not need to be a guy.  She needs to be herself, and so do you.  Don't be afraid to bring it up with your Mom, and discuss it respectfully.  If the conversation becomes disrespectful or unproductive, take a break and try again later.  Tell her your motivation for sharing who you really are - that you love her and don't want to lie to her.  She didn't do anything to "make" you gay, and her constant love for you is what gives you the strength to tell her who you are in your heart.  Remind her that your love for her won't go away, but neither will the fact that you are a lesbian.  Maybe you will need some counseling, and maybe she will too.  That's okay.  Counseling is helpful and dignified.  It's what people do when they care about themselves enough to address painful things, like your memories of Dad, or your relationship with Mom.  Much love to you as you deal with family stuff - it can be difficult.  Many of us here, of various identities, understand.