XP: Gay and Catholic

MizLizz

"Ben" and "Jerry" live in a state that has marriage equality for same-couples. Both men grew up in extended Catholic families, attended Catholic schools and universities, and have been active in parish and Catholic charitable organizations. Their parents, who I will call "Bob: and "Carol" and "Ted"and "Alice" have been very supportive of the two men

Ben and Jerry have started planning for their marriage ceremony. Since a Catholic ceremony with all the bells and whistles -- a nupital Mass with a papal blessing -- isn't possible in the foreseeable future, they are planning their ceremony in Unitarian church with an Unitarian cleric as the offficiant. As Carol says the Unitarian ceremony will probably be the only wedding for Ben that she and Bob will be able to witness.

Since Ben and Jerry consider themselves to be active Catholics, they would like to try to have as many Catholic touches in  their wedding ceremony as possible with out going overboard or seeming tacky.

Would it be appropriate to have a statue of the Blessed Mother brought into the Unitarian church and have one of the bridesmaids (probably one of their nieces) or perhaps one of the mothers present the flowers to the Madonna.

Would it be appropriate for Shubert's "Ave Maria" to be performed.? What other music or readings would be recommended for the ceremony?

Both Ben and Jerry have extended family members who are priests. Both would like these relatives to participate in the ceremony, but are afraid that the priests might face consequences from their superiors ... such as in the case of the priest to participated in a sex marriage ceremony in New York City. Any suggestions as to how these men could participate in the ceremony would be much appreciated.

(Bob's uncle is a Religious order priest who plans to attend the ceremony. Bob's uncle said that his order has been supportive of LGBT equality; and if his bishop disapproves of his attendance at a same sex wedding, he plans to take whatever punishment that is to be handed out. The priest-uncle also added he is in such demand in replacement ministry, he doubts that his bishop would attempt to punish him.

(Jerry's cousin-the-priest was hemming and hawing as to whether he would attend. His other, Alice's sister, told her son that 1) he will attend. 2) he can wear one of his father's suits if he doesn't want to wear his clerical blacks; 3) he will give a nice wedding present; and 4) most importantly, he will not embarass the familu)

In short, any suggestions to make a gay wedding in an Unitarian church as Catholic as possible without going over the top would be most welcome.

Thanking everyone in advance

Koneko

I don't belong to a Unitarian church, but I was raised Catholic and I attend a Unitarian Universalist for my Pagan ceremonies. It's going to be up to the officiant, but, yeah, I don't think they would be the ones rejecting any Catholic touches involved. If they're UCEC rather than UU, they do adhere to a specific professed set of beliefs, so they're less likely to be inclusive, not because they're less progressive, but because they're not designed to be nondenominational. In that case, I guess it's up to the asking, but less as a formality.

If Bob's uncle is willing, I think he'd make a lovely reader, and from what I've been reading, not much more likely to get in trouble for that. If it's a UU, he can probably ready whatever he likes.

Odd, I would have gone Episcopalian for maximum Catholic impact but with (depending on congregation) gay weddings. Probably just because that's where my Catholic mum feels at home ceremonially, after getting booted from Catholicism for my queerness.

AndreaV26

I occassionally attend a Universalist Unitarian church (I say occassionally because my fiance gets home at 5 AM after working third shift, so it's hard to get up on Sunday mornings). I can't speak for all UU churches everywhere, but ours would probably be VERY OPEN to that. Our church has symbols all over the church from all denominations. The community room has the bibles/books from all those religions, symbols of them, etc. They seem open to all religions.

2dudeshappy

Growing up gay but I've left the Catholic church (even after seminary), I may have an option but first an opinion.

I encourage you both to carry a boquet of flowers to the BVM, pause and pray like brides do.  She is our Mother after all.

Options for the priests in the family...one can read the Gospel the other does the prayer at your reception.  OR a simple blessing over your hands before you leave the altar is acceptable.  They will not endanger their positions in their dioceses, especially if your wedding isn't being held in either of theirs. They simply cannot perform the actual vows exchange and sign your marriage license.  That will get them in trouble. 

If this helps...remind them that their siblings  brought you to baptism and you are therefore children of God in the Church's eyes. They are family.

Best wishes!  Oh yeah....Ave Maria in latin please!