your wedding and work

llucas45

Are you out to your co workers? has your workplace excepted you taking vacation for a honeymoon, if you have asked?
Here is my issue....i am out to my boss and most of my co workers, but i work in childcare and neither the kids or families know i am gay.  Some of them know I am getting married but when the subject of who i am marrying come up i quickly change it. The other part of this is i am in 40's and was married to a man and have three grown children, and some of them know my kids and just assume i am marrying another man.  I am very proud of my girlfriend and that we can legally get married but at the same time i am afraid if i come out to the parents they will pull their children from the program.  I work with school age children so they are between the ages of 5 and 10.  I was fired from a job a week after i got engaged from another child care center so when i started at this one i was up front and honest with them in my interview about who i was marrying and they have always stood behind me and said to let them know if any negetive comments come from co workers or parents.
My hesitstion comes from this...I have overheard and been involved in conversations with the kids and co workers about using the words gay and lesbian.  The older kids already have opinions about what those words mean as well as my co workers. Here is an example- one of my co workers heard a conversation between two kids using the word lesbian and she told them never to use that word it was a BAD word.  Now she knows i am gay and said it in front of me, granted the kids were not using it correctly but she could have handled it differently in my opinion.
This has become an issue because we are about eight weeks away from our wedding and i am taking a week and half off from work and want to be honest with the children and their parents about what i am doing in that time.
sorry this is so long i am just curious to see what your thoughts are about this.  thank you!

K&J64

I don't see why you need to tell the parents/children what you're doing on your time off - it's your time off. Just say you're on vacation and leave it at that, it's really none of their business. I'm only out to a smally handful of people in my office, they were all invited to our wedding, everyone else thought I took a two and a half week vacation, it was just easier.

jayetheartist

I'm out at work.  It's just easier that way.  Most of my coworkers (the exceptions being the ones who are just too new for me to know very well) will be invited to our wedding.  My fiance and I work for the same company (different locations, though) and it would have just become a ridiculous charade to keep up some kind of explanation for why we were always together, taking time off at the same time, etc, if we were just good friends.  I got so tired of trying to dance around the subject that I find it a lot less troublesome to just be out with everyone.  Plus, there are times being out at work has its benefits.  Like when one of my (now former, because he was an idiot) coworkers used "the other F word" at work.  Me yelling at him for it carried a lot more weight than it would have coming from anyone else.

That said, I work for a convenience store chain.  Our customers have no need to know anything about me, so I don't really have to worry about my relationship affecting the business.  And there are enough other employees around me, including at least one of the district managers, who are also openly gay that I feel pretty certain I'm not risking my job by being out. 

daisywithak

I am a teacher and I am out to my coworkers & boss (although I'll be at a new school this year so I don't know what will happen).  I agree with the pp that you don't need to tell the parents/kids anything other than that you are taking a vacation.  I think that since you work with children and it's so unpredictable this is your best bet. 

llucas45

my other concern is my name change,  although i guess for work purposes i could use my last name that i have now for signing notes and letters home.

cclaudia9393

I'm a preschool teacher and I have not disclosed my relationship to my boss or supervisor.  Nor, do I disclose my personal relationship status to my students.  So, with my upcoming wedding, I plan to request a couple of days of "vacation time."  It's not like they pay for any sick or vacation pay anyway.  Therefore, I don't feel like I need to give them details of what I do in my personal time.   So far, I have not felt comfortable coming out to my bosses due to the fact that they're very religious and I don't want their attitudes towards me to change based on their beliefs.  I love what I do and do not want employers or parents and their children judging me based on who I love.

davenport52803

I agree that you dont have to tell them if you are not comfortable with it.  Its a shame that we still have to worry about these issues.  I look forward to the day when this is no longer an issue. 

If it were me ,  I would be honest about it when asked, but thats me.  I made the personal decision to never hide who I am or who I love when I came out.  However, I do realize there are some careers (like yours) that can make this difficult.  I do this for myself to hopefull enlighten someone.  the more of us who live in the open, the more people who will "know" a gay couple and realize we are just regular people, trying to make it through the world. 

nicknuttnc

I have the same issue. I am out to some of the people at work but not all of them. My FI and I work at the same place and she is not out to people there. I have bee talking about my upcoming marriage. I think you should not go through the hassle of telling them if you do not want to. It is easier to leave and if someone ask then answer the question honestly.

llucas45

Thank you to everyone who replied.  I have decided i am going to use my new last name at work and just answer questions honestly as they come.  I will just tell the kids i am on vacation.
Its just sad to me that this even has to be an issue.  If i was straight it would never have even been a concern.
Thanks again and congratulations and good luck to everyone!!

davenport52803

good luck from the quad cities!  Hope all goes well.  Thats what I like about this board on the knot.  we offer suggestions but dont criticize each other! 

sbanton9411

I know I am a little late on this comment. I myself have been going through the same issues. I work in medical so its with my patients and coworks that I worry about. They all know I am getting married and they are just assume its to a man. ( oh are they wrong ha ha ) My very close coworkers know and they will be attending the wedding, When I was coming out to them I wasn't sure how they would react,but seems like I was the only one that was worried. They treat me the same. We talk about the wedding everyday and its so nice having someone to share the stressful times with. I agree I wish it was not like this for us. My only thing is going to be when they ask for pic from the wedding.. the ones  I'm not out to yet!! Hope everyone is having a wonderful time planning your special day. We only have 20 days until we are getting married.. WOw... where did the time go???

2dBride

Recently, I've kind of been coming out to clients.  (I long ago came out to parents and friends.)  This wasn't a deliberate decision, but something that happened because for the first time, I would have had to make deliberate decisions to hide it from them.  (Two clients asked to meet with me at my house, and a third friended me on Facebook.)  None of them have had an issue with it--not even the one that is the president of a conservative think tank.

I can't promise your experience will be the same, but I wish you luck!

GenCerri

I am a middle school teacher and I choose not to disclose my sexuality.  My boss and coworkers know that I am getting married, but they are not privvy to who, how, or when (unless I'm close enough with them that they're invited).  However, if a student comes to me with concerns of his/her own sexuality, I'd be more than happy to share.  I happen to work in early adolescence, which is usually when exploration is happening.  I also teach sex ed (as a science teacher) so I always include a little blurb about homosexuality.  The way I see it, I am an engaged woman who is getting married to someone that I love, just like everybody else!