Gay Weddings

help?

So, im wondering how to get your fiancee to do the things that she says shes going to do? its weeks before the wedding, and so much stuff needs to get done that i feel like im getting overloaded with all the things she's supposed to do but hasnt....help? my coordinator isnt doing anything (hasnt even called!) and my family, because of the nature of this wedding (my fiancee's a girl) have left me to my own devices. most of them arent coming at all. does anyone have any advice for me?

Re: help?

  • 2dBride2dBride member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Honestly?  It's your fiancee's wedding, too.  And if she is not willing to do what she has promised, I would give her a list of what she has promised to do, and if it doesn't happen, those things will be left out of the wedding.  Unless one of them is the officiant or the marriage license, most wedding things are optional, anyway.    And if you start a precedent that you will clean up after everything she says she will do and fails to do, that's a really bad start to your marriage.
  • edited December 2011
    It sounds like maybe you need to find a time for the two of you to talk about this, ideally in a neutral, relaxed atmosphere, like a coffee shop or restaurant you both like.  It's totally understandable that you are frustrated and want her to take on a chunk of the stuff as well, but try to stay away from "Why haven't you" and "You need to," and ask her how she's feeling about the wedding and prep.  Is she excited?  Scared?  Cold feet?  If possible, try to bite your tongue and just listen.  Even if you think you know how she's feeling, let her use her own words.  

    After she has had her turn, gently and non-accusatorily ask her if can try to explain why she hasn't been taking care of the things she agreed to.  It may very well be linked to how she's feeling.  If it isn't, try to talk to her about how stressed and overwhelmed it all is for you, and tell her it would really help you both be happier if she could tackle XYZ.  Maybe focus on one task per day.  My fiancee is not detail-oriented at all and she has ADHD (pretty significant ADHD at that), but when we sit down and come up with a week-long calendar, with the things that need to get done each day, she can cross things off and mentally prepare for the next day and make things more manageable.

    It could also help if you guys either schedule an hour together every night with no wedding stuff allowed, or maybe schedule the hour or two each day devoted solely to wedding stuff.  

    On the two other things- I am really sorry your family is not excited and will not be attending.  My fiancee's mother, after 4 years of us dating, still won't even acknowledge I exist, so she will not be coming to our wedding.  I know how much her lack of acceptance hurts my fiancee, so I really feel for you guys.

    And as for your coordinator, I hope you are firing him or her.  I know they have multiple clients and all, but just a few weeks before your wedding, you should at least get a prompt call back.

    I hope everything works out and you guys have a wonderful wedding and an even better marriage! 
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