Canada

Invite Wording Concern

FI and I were looking at invitation wording, and he likes the traditional wording with both sets of parents "requesting the honour of your presence...". The only thing is, his parents are not contributing financially. They're both retired, so I completely understand that they just can't afford it. But my parents are helping out by paying half. Invite etiquette sites suggest that my parents should be the ones highlighted at the top of the invitation.

How do I go about explaining that I'd rather his parents' names appear further down the invite, without making it sound rude? ie:

Bride's parents request your presence at the marriage of their daughter,
Bride to
Groom
son of groom's parents


I don't want to exclude them, but at the same time, my parents are making a significant contribution that I'd like to recognize.
Am I stressing myself out over nothing?

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Re: Invite Wording Concern

  • nfp147nfp147 member
    Fourth Anniversary 10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    It really depends 1) who would be offended, and 2) who you would least like to offend.  Maybe you could talk to your parents and see if they insist on having their names first, or if it matters to them enough to risk offending FI's parents.  And, do you really think that FI's parents would be offended, or are you stressing ovr nothing? :)
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  • ring_popring_pop member
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Try to forget this notion that the invitation indicates who pays for the wedding.

    Think about it - isn't it crass to read a wedding invitation and think, "Oh, so-and-so must be paying for the wedding because their names are listed at the top," or "Ah, I see the bride's parents are paying more than the groom's parents"? I certainly hope none of your guests do this. Your wedding invitation is not meant to announce who's paying the bills.

    The invitation indicates who's HOSTING the wedding. This is often, but not necessarily, the same as who is paying. Traditionally, the bride's parents were usually listed because they were usually the ones hosting the party to marry off their daughter (and therefore issuing the invitations).

    Your wording is also proper. But I don't think this one is worth the fight. Thank each of your parents privately for everything (financial contributions and otherwise), and don't make this an argument over the invitations. Pick your battles. This one's not worth it.
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  • edited December 2011

    ring_pop,
    thank-you! You're so right. Sometimes I let myself get caught up in the "traditional etiquette" and need to give my head a shake. Really, I never even knew that the order of names on the invitation meant anything anyway. So, I'm going to ignore the idea that the invitation indicates anything other than "come celebrate our love", and let it go.

    Thanks again!

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  • ring_popring_pop member
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_canada_invite-wording-concern?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:46Discussion:b7b6ad71-eb0e-43fb-b6a4-bdaf71f2d0a7Post:61a35bab-a31a-4302-ae00-e3fe771e8a7a">Re: Invite Wording Concern</a>:
    [QUOTE]ring_pop, thank-you! You're so right. Sometimes I let myself get caught up in the "traditional etiquette" and need to give my head a shake. Really, I never even knew that the order of names on the invitation meant anything anyway. So, I'm going to ignore the idea that the invitation indicates anything other than "come celebrate our love", and let it go. Thanks again!
    Posted by LidleD[/QUOTE]
    It's soooo easy to miss the forest for the trees when you're planning a wedding, I completely understand! That's a great attitude though. <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-smile.gif" border="0" alt="Smile" title="Smile" />
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  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_canada_invite-wording-concern?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:46Discussion:b7b6ad71-eb0e-43fb-b6a4-bdaf71f2d0a7Post:bd11e910-f0e8-4526-8d32-696d7e9a0ecf">Re: Invite Wording Concern</a>:
    [QUOTE]Think about it - isn't it crass to read a wedding invitation and think, "Oh, so-and-so must be paying for the wedding because their names are listed at the top," or "Ah, I see the bride's parents are paying more than the groom's parents"? I certainly hope none of your guests do this. Your wedding invitation is not meant to announce who's paying the bills.
    Posted by ring_pop[/QUOTE]

    I just wanted to add that I'm happy to see I'm not the only one who thinks like this. I was pretty shocked when I started to read about wedding invitation wording and saw that some couples actually effectively announce who is paying for the wedding.

    In our case FI and I are paying for everything ourselves, but will likely be getting some sort of cash gifts from our parents. My dad has been out of work for a year and a half and my mom doesn't make a lot of money, whereas FI's parents are pretty comfortable, so I know that their gift will be a lot larger. But I would never, ever announce that publicly to my wedding guests. (I realize that I'm announcing this on the internet, but it's anonymous!) I find that whole practice so strange....
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